


the composition of me (through your eyes)

by Sheisme, Syngularity



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Artist Clarke, Clexa, Composer Lexa, Consensual Sex, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, G!p Lexa, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Jealous Clarke, Light Angst, Massage, Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Pianist Lexa, Protective Clarke Griffin, Self-Acceptance, Slow Burn, intersex lexa, soccer player lexa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-27
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2018-10-24 18:53:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 62,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10747752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sheisme/pseuds/Sheisme, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Syngularity/pseuds/Syngularity
Summary: Lexa Woods meets art student Clarke Griffin in a club one night, who asks her to model for a painting. Clarke comes on strong and Lexa is intrigued, quickly becoming infatuated herself, but will it be enough to let her guard down and start her journey to self-acceptance?





	1. Chapter 1

It’s so _loud._

The bass thumps in Lexa's chest, twice as fast as the beat of her heart, and the higher frequencies make her clench her jaw. She loves music but not at the cost of her hearing. Her studies require her to be careful with her ears. She made a pretty outrageous investment last year, especially for someone who avoids these kinds of places. But the professional hearing protection is a blessing right now. She fumbles with the plugs for a bit as she twists them into her ears. _Maybe I should go out more often so I can get better mileage out of these things._

She releases a deep sigh when the decibel level reduces to a far more pleasant and less destructive velocity. _Finally, I can think again._

Anya just left her at the bar while she went off to look for the friends they’re supposed to be meeting here. Lexa glances in the direction she saw her cousin walk off to, but she’s already out of sight. Deciding she’s glad she can acclimatize on her own for a bit, she turns around on the barstool to face the various bottles and taps, pondering what will be her drink for the night.

She doesn’t drink often—she drinks about as frequently as she frequents clubs—and when she does it isn’t much. It’s not that she doesn’t like being social, she does, but these outings leave her drained for at least a day or two after in which she needs to recharge. And she doesn’t have that kind of time with two majors and soccer practice.

The tall girl behind the bar slides up to her with a friendly smile, leaning forward as she comes to a halt in front of Lexa. “Hi stranger, see anything you like?” she asks as she grabs a rag and starts cleaning the bit of bar between them.

“Hey, I’d like a Spanish Mule 43 please.”

The girl quirks her brow. “That’s ginger beer with lime and Licor 43, right? Not a lot of people order that.” Lexa offers her a weak smile when the girl winks at her as she starts gathering the ingredients.

From her peripheral vision she can see three girls giggling to her right and another person standing to her left on the far end of the curved bar. The tingling sensation of being closely observed makes her palms clammy and her stomach churn. She turns around without engaging the probing eyes to look for Anya once more. _Maybe being alone at this bar was not such a good idea, I should've joined Anya in her search._

"Here you go, one Spanish Mule 43." She swivels back to face the bartender to accept and pay for her drink. The girl must be able to tell how uncomfortable Lexa is because she’s still smiling with what Lexa feels is a pitying smile. "It's on the house." _Yup, definitely pity._ "My name is Echo, by the way. I'm working till ten."

 _I must look really lost over here, get yourself together Lex._ "Thank you, Echo, that's very kind of you," she offers in return, trying on a more confident smile, determined to get rid of the lost puppy look she's obviously sporting.

She stands up to go look for Anya, turning her back to the bar to block out the staring, giggles, and pity. She takes a sip from her drink while scanning the club again and hears a husky laugh to her right. Unable to ignore her curiosity, she finds the source of the sound and almost chokes on the crushed ice that slips down her throat. Bright blue eyes twinkling in amusement look back at her.

_Great, first Echo with her pity and now this girl is straight up laughing at me? I suddenly remember why I usually don’t accept these invitations._

She can feel her face flush. The girl might be laughing at her but that doesn’t stop her from being jaw-droppingly beautiful. She scratches her neck with her free hand and gives into the temptation to look at the girl again. She’s no longer laughing but her smile is still there. It’s not malicious, though. Her bottom lip is trapped between her teeth and a there is a playful sparkle in her eyes. Lexa’s throat dries up and she has to take another sip, forcefully ignoring the swirl of heat coiling low in her belly.

She lets her eyes dart over the crowd once more to look for Anya, hoping her cousin will come rescue her from a potentially embarrassing situation. Knowing her luck, Anya probably found Raven and pulled her into a dark corner of the club to do who knows what to her. And that would unfortunately leave her with just Lincoln and Octavia, if she can find them. She doesn’t mind hanging with Lincoln, he’s the strong, silent type and her closest friend after her cousin. She doesn’t mind Octavia either, they hit it off right away when Lincoln introduced them and they’ve grabbed a few lunches together here and there.

It’s the two lovebirds together that makes her uncomfortable. She’s really happy for them but being their third wheel as they are all over each other is just as awkward as being alone and laughed at by sexy strangers.

She takes another sip of her drink while she continues to scan the room, now very aware of the blue eyes that are still watching her. She knows it’s a bad idea, but she chances another glance at the girl, suddenly feeling the need to see her face again. This time the girl quirks an eyebrow and somehow manages to make drinking out of a straw look insanely seductive. Lexa looks away immediately, feeling an instant reaction to the girl. She turns her body away and tries to calm herself while silently praying to find her friends soon.

She hears another giggle coming from the girl on the other side of the bar and decides she’s had enough. As cute as this girl is, she doesn’t feel comfortable being scoffed at. Without even thinking, she gives the blonde one final look and nods her head to bid her adieu before heading into the crowd. She feels the girl’s eyes on her as she walks away and doesn’t quite know how to feel about it.

“Hey!”

Lexa jumps as someone throws an arm around her. She really should be able to sense when someone sneaks up next to her, especially since the earplugs allow her to hear more clearly than anyone else in the club. But she was too deep in thought to notice anything around her, still thinking about those blue eyes and that dazzling smile.

“Lincoln! You should never sneak up on someone like this in a club,” she shouts at him above the music. “I could have decked you.”

Lincoln lets out a hearty laugh.

“And I would have sued you for damaging the money maker.” He gestures at his face before giving Lexa a hug. “Where’s Anya?”

“Looking for you. Where’s Octavia?”

“Looking for her friend who’s supposed to meet us tonight.”

“Remind me why I let you guys drag me out here?”

“You deserve to have fun and meet some pretty girls,” Lincoln reminds her.

“I deserve to go home and get some sleep.”

“Just give it an hour at least, Lex, please? If you don’t have fun by then you can go home.” Lincoln looks over her head to the area behind her. “Oh, there’s Octavia at the bar with her friend.”

Lexa follows Lincoln’s line of vision to Octavia, who just so happens to be talking to the blonde goddess who had been laughing at her just moments ago. _Yeah, that sounds about right. Figures._

She must have been staring a little too long without realizing it because both Octavia and the blonde are now looking right back at her while whispering to one another. She watches as both girls hop off their stools and head over to where she and Lincoln are. Lexa starts to panic and makes a complete one-eighty, running directly into Anya.

“Hey, we found you guys!”

Lexa gives her a weak half-smile and tries to manoeuvre around her.

“Whoa, don’t I get a hug?” She’s intercepted by Raven, who already has her arms around her. “Good to see you, Woods. Nice of you to grace us with your presence.”

Lexa returns the hug for a brief moment before pulling back, hoping to still have an out, but it’s too late. She hears Octavia’s voice and turns around to face her doom.

“Guys, this is my friend Clarke. She finally decided to stop being a hermit for one night and leave her studio to hang out with us. Clarke, this is Anya, and you know Lincoln and Raven.”

Clarke shakes everyone’s hands and greets Raven with a hug. Octavia pulls Clarke over to Lexa as if to make a big show of her next introduction.

“And this is Lexa, Anya’s cousin. Lexa, this is my good friend Clarke Griffin.”

Lexa watches as Clarke bites her lip once more before roving her eyes up and down Lexa’s body. Under such scrutiny, she would normally feel exposed and uncomfortable, like perhaps Clarke knows something about her that Lexa really doesn’t want her to know. But for some reason, she feels more curious than anything. Clarke doesn’t look like she’s mocking her, and she certainly isn’t laughing now. Lexa swallows thickly as Clarke’s eyes come up to meet hers once more and instantly feels a faint twitch in her pants.

“The Charmer of Club Polis. It’s nice to meet you.” Clarke sticks her hand out and Lexa tentatively takes it.

“Pardon?” Lexa isn’t sure she heard correctly. _Did she just call me a charmer?_

“It was a little hard to miss those girls at the end of the bar staring at you.”

Lexa looks over to where Clarke is pointing and sure enough, there are the three giggling girls at the end of the bar. Two of them are whispering while looking over at Lexa. She noticed them earlier, but assumed they were making fun of her for being awkward.

“And don’t get me started on the bartender,” Clarke continues.

“Echo? What about her?”

Clarke smirks and shakes her head. “She was practically throwing herself at you. She gave you a free drink, told you what time she gets off work. Hell, she was basically polishing the bar with her own drool while flirting with you.”

Lexa looks at her quizzically. There’s no way Echo was flirting with her. It was very obvious she felt bad for her being alone at the bar looking uncomfortable.

“That… that wasn’t what was happening. She was just…”

“Being nice? I’ve never known anyone who scored a free drink at this club before, especially from Echo. She's usually pretty frosty; we have a lot of the same classes. But sure… she was probably just being nice.”

Her voice drips with sarcasm, but not in a demeaning way. It’s more playful and Lexa finds herself kind of liking it.

Lexa is just about to respond when someone bumps into her from behind, their shoulder catching her back and sending her tumbling forward into Clarke, almost spilling her drink on Clarke. With cat-like reflexes, Clarke manages to catch her before any damage is done. Lexa looks at her shyly, they are very close all of a sudden and Lexa feels dizzy looking into the deep blue eyes of the girl in front of her.

“I’m sorry, are you okay?” she stammers.

“I’m fine. It’s pretty crowded in here.”

Clarke’s hands are still gripping her arms and Lexa wants to be closer and run away from her at the same time. She turns and finds Anya looking very similar to a cat who just ate the canary. Lexa sends a glare her way but Anya simply returns an innocent looking shrug before winking at Octavia. _What the hell was that about, are they up to something?_ They must be, as Lexa lets her gaze travel from Anya to Octavia. She wonders if Clarke is in on it too or if she’s just a pawn in their little scheme as well.

“So…” Clarke’s voice makes her turn her head back to face the girl she’d much rather be paying attention to than Anya and her games. Clarke’s hands loosen around Lexa’s arms, but she still doesn’t fully remove them. She gives Lexa a look that she can’t quite place, but it’s doing things to her. She wants more and she wants none of it at the same time. Clarke leans in.

“Since we’re this close already, would you like to dance?”

Lexa’s stomach drops and her breath quickens at the thought of dancing with Clarke. She never allows herself to get close to girls. She prefers to keep them at a safe distance, as friends, so there is no possibility of a physical aspect that could make her uncomfortable. But with Clarke she wants to; if she’s honest to herself she _really_ wants to dance with her, or just talk to her, look at her. _She’s so beautiful…_

“Yes, I’d like that.”

She hears herself say the words and she sees Clarke’s face light up in front of her in response, but her brain is lagging and sputtering over what’s happening. _Did I just agree to dance with her?! How did that… Oh shit, dancing. I haven’t danced in forever, I’m going to make a fool of myself. I hope she won’t laugh at me, or get too close. Clarke… dancing… close… oh fuck. Calm down nerd, you’re getting way ahead of yourself here._

Clarke looks at her quizzically, it’s probably quite the face-journey that she just witnessed. Lexa takes a deep breath to calm herself as much as she can manage and tries on her most charming smile to convince Clarke she has some semblance of game. She doesn’t, of course, but she has to try. She can’t remember ever being so taken in by a girl in such a short amount of time. Clarke feels open and approachable but mysterious and deep at the same time. She has to get to know this girl better. _Be cool, don’t screw this up._

With every bit of courage she can muster, she holds out her hand for Clarke to take and starts walking to the dance floor, earning a few wolf whistles from Anya and Octavia. Clarke chuckles behind her but Lexa doesn’t turn around to face her until they reach a sparsely occupied part of the floor. She hopes their friends will stay on the other side of the club so they can’t interfere again or make fun of Lexa in Clarke’s presence.

She’s not quite sure what to do, ordinarily Lexa would prefer talking to a girl first, get to know her a little bit and hopefully get comfortable before doing something intimate like dancing. Not that dancing is always intimate but who knows what Clarke has in mind. _Damnit, now I’m in my own head again, focus Lex, at least_ try _to be cool for one second._

She lifts her eyes to Clarke’s while scratching the back of her neck a bit awkwardly, not knowing what to do about the gorgeous girl in front of her. Clarke decides to take pity on her eventually, giving her an incredulous smile and shaking her head as she puts her hands on Lexa’s shoulders. Lexa brings her hands to Clarke’s waist when they start moving to the music at half tempo.

“I’ve noticed you before on campus, what are you studying?” Clarke asks, leaning in a bit.

 _This goddess has noticed and_ remembered _me?_

“Composition. Music composition and film scoring. Piano is my principal instrument,” she manages to get out without too much trouble.

Clarke hums in understanding, looking impressed. “So that’s why I keep seeing you around. I’m in the building next to yours. Art department. I study fine arts.”

_Art. That means I could potentially run into her every day, this is good. Is this good?_

“You’re right that is close, I’d love to see your work sometime if we run into each other on campus.”

_Oh fuck, that was a little forward, please don’t take this the wrong way…_

“You can see my art… if you play something for me.” Clarke gives her a flirtatious smile.

 _Wait, flirtatious?_ Lexa looks away shyly, not wanting Clarke to pick up on her excitement about the prospect of seeing her again. She glances over at the bar and notices Echo staring rather intensely at the two of them. It makes her feel a bit uncomfortable, so she turns her focus back to Clarke.

“Um… yeah. I suppose I can play for you sometime.” She manages to keep the timbre of her voice rather stoic, which is quite a feat with the lump in her throat. She can’t seem to escape Clarke’s heavy stare and wonders exactly what the other girl is thinking. She’s looking upon her as if studying her, like she’s trying to figure out some sort of mystery. Lexa feels compelled to look away again, but she can’t. Not with those blue eyes softly gazing upon her.

“I have some free time next week. Perhaps we can meet in the art building and you can show me some of your work then.”

Clarke opens her mouth to reply, but stops without saying anything. She looks like she’s contemplating something for a moment before making up her mind.

“Actually, I just remembered I have a new assignment for which I need a live model. I’d love to paint you, if you’re up for it?”

_There is that smile again. Absolutely gorgeous. Wait! Did she say she wants me to model for her painting?! Oh God, she’s waiting for an answer. Shit! Okay, just keep calm. She’s probably just being friendly so she can get me to model for her._

Clarke must have felt her hesitation because she moves her body closer and adds. “I would buy you lunch first, of course.”

Lexa feels Clarke’s breath against her ear and it’s doing things to her. She can feel her blood heat up her cheeks and lower regions, and pulls back just enough to calm herself down before Clarke’s voice can become her downfall. She clears her throat and gives her a sweet smile.

“Maybe, if we run into each other, I guess… I’ll think about it?” _Way to play it cool._

Clarke leans in a little closer this time. “I sure hope we do... I’m glad our friends introduced us by the way. I would have said something to you back there at the bar, but I didn’t think you’d hear me with those earplugs.”

 _Earplugs! I can talk about earplugs._ “Oh, these are professional earplugs. They filter out the bass and reduce the overall volume allowing me to hear more clearly. You can just use your normal speaking voice when talking to me so you don't lose it trying to be heard over the music.” She gives Clarke a sheepish smile, knowing her nerd just showed way too much for having just met the damn girl.

Clarke smirks, her breath is hot on Lexa’s ear as she leans in even closer this time. “But I kinda like having to lean in and get close to you.” She moves back a bit but keeps her body against Lexa, with her lip trapped between her teeth and a presumably innocent look on her face.

Lexa averts her eyes but can’t keep a fierce blush from creeping onto her face. The close proximity of their bodies sends a dangerous pulse through her core. Without realizing it she clenches her fingers in Clarke’s top. The music changes into a pumping electronic beat and Clarke slides her arms over Lexa’s shoulders up to her elbows, starting a grinding rhythm with her hips.

_Oh fuck._

With each bump of Clarke’s hips against hers she hears more alarm bells go off in her head. She’s trying her best not to enjoy this and she knows the smart thing to do would be to excuse herself before things get out of control. But damn if it doesn’t feel incredible having Clarke’s body rub up against her to the beat of the pulsing music. She moves her hands down to Clarke’s hips, gripping tightly. She even allows herself to return Clarke’s grinds, closing her eyes and indulging in the sensation, knowing full well that the only way this will end is badly. But right now, with Clarke's warm body pressed to hers, she can't bring herself to care.

When Clarke moves her hands down to her ass, Lexa’s eyes fly open. She drops her gaze from Clarke’s eyes down to her chest, greeted with the ample cleavage from Clarke’s low-cut shirt.

_Oh yeah. Those. How could I forget about those? God, this woman is too sexy._

She gasps as Clarke pushes her chest against her own, obviously taking advantage of the fact that Lexa is staring unabashedly at her boobs. The movement sends another jolt to Lexa’s core and she knows it's the point of no return when she feels herself getting hard.

Lexa pulls away from Clarke like the girl just caught fire, trying to take deep breaths to calm herself down and clear the lust from her mind, but it’s too late. _How could I be so careless and think this was not going to spin out of control?_ The confused look on Clarke’s face tells her she should probably explain, but really what can she say? _Sorry, Clarke. You’re this amazing, beautiful girl and I’m so damn attracted to you that all you have to do is look down and you'll know just how much._ _Oh yeah, by the way, I'm intersex. Still want me to pose for your assignment?_

“I… I should go. I have to go. I’m sorry, Clarke. It was nice meeting you.”

Lexa turns and maneuvers her way through the crowd, leaving Clarke behind on the dance floor.

 

*******

_  
What?_

“Why? Lexa, wait!”

Clarke tries to get Lexa to stop, to ask her what’s wrong, if there is something wrong… well obviously there is, but what?

 _What the fuck just happened? Did I come on too strong? I thought we were having a good time… I was having a_ great _time, maybe I missed some signals?_

She’s still standing on the dancefloor, running her fingers through her hair trying to figure out when and why everything suddenly went so wrong when Octavia walks up to her.

“Hey Clarke, I thought you were with Lexa?”

“I am. I mean, I was. She just left.”

“Left as in she’s getting a drink or left as in gone?”

“I don’t know, I don’t think she’s coming back…”

“Maybe she just went to the bathroom,” Octavia suggests.

“I don’t think so.” Clarke turns to her friend. “Look, I know you and Anya concocted this little plan to set us up, or whatever. And it’s fine, I mean, she’s great… and beautiful. I thought we were having a good time but I guess she’s not interested.”

“I don’t think that’s the case. Did you see the way she was looking at you? She’s definitely interested.”

“Then what did I do wrong?” Clarke is starting to get upset. She doesn’t want to be the cause of Lexa’s distress. _Why didn’t she explain what’s wrong?_

“I need a drink.”

She pulls Octavia to the bar where they meet up with Lincoln, Anya, and Raven.

“Where’s Lexa?” Anya asks.

“She left.” Clarke takes a drink of her beer.

“What? Why?”

Clarke shakes her head and lets the air escape from her lungs. “I don’t know. We were dancing and having fun and all of a sudden she said she had to leave.”

“Shit.” Anya closes her eyes and tilts her head back for a moment. “I have to go. I need to check on her. I’ll see you guys later.” She jumps off the stool and gives Raven a kiss on the cheek.

Clarke chases Anya down before she reaches the door.

“Anya, wait! Is she okay? Should I come with you?”

“No, you should stay. Have fun. She’s fine, I promise. She sometimes has difficulty meeting new people.”

Clarke nods. _She did seem a bit shy._

“Well, tell her I don’t bite. And please make sure she knows I had a really nice time with her tonight.”

“I will.”

Instead of heading back to the bar, Clarke makes her way to the bathroom to take a moment to collect herself, trying to understand what just happened. Maybe she came on a bit too strong because she rarely meets anyone worthwhile, but Lexa seemed very receptive to it. Perhaps she went too far by asking her to model. She couldn’t help it, though. She had never seen anyone more beautiful than this girl. Those eyes, those lips, that jawline, those adorable little ears. They need to be immortalized on canvas.

Clarke washes her hands and stares into the mirror as other girls surround her, touching up their hair and makeup. She thinks back on when she first saw Lexa waiting for her drink, completely oblivious to the fact that the girls at the bar were trying to get her attention. Even Echo, who rarely spends so much time on one patron, was practically ready to take her home and Lexa didn’t seem to get it. How can someone so beautiful be so clueless? Clarke can’t help but find it charming and quietly laughs at how adorably naive Lexa is. And that was before she even knew Lexa was the girl Octavia had told her about. The one that Clarke just “had to meet.”

Clarke leaves the bathroom to go find her friends. She spends the rest of the night trying not to think about Lexa, but fails miserably. She resolves to make it a point to see her again. Thankfully, she now knows just where to find her at school.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We hope you enjoyed this chapter and can't wait to hear your thoughts on it! Would you prefer light angst or medium angst in this fic?
> 
> Come talk to us on tumblr [@syngularitysyn](https://syngularitysyn.tumblr.com/) (any fic asks will be answered by us both :))


	2. Chapter 2

Lexa throws off her blanket to cool her damp and overheated skin as she’s ripped from a nightmare early Saturday morning. She had seen every hour of the AM that night, and when she finally drifted off, she dreamt of a repulsed Clarke laughing and pointing at her, exposed on the Polis dance floor with every patron in the club looking at her eerily.

After a long, busy week with such a stressful conclusion, she looked forward to sleeping in on her free day. But the drenched sheets beneath her aren’t exactly inviting her to stay in bed, so she decides she might as well start the day. _Maybe a few laps around the field and a thorough workout will get my mind off things…_

She gathers her gym clothes and heads for the bathroom, stripping out of her sweaty tank top and boxers. The cold water of the shower clears her head and gives her a few minutes of peace. She’s dry and dressed to head out to the soccer field as she tiptoes past Anya’s bedroom door, trying not to wake her cousin. When Anya caught up with her last night she had been too distressed to talk about what happened, so Anya made her promise they would talk in the morning before she leaves for work.

Having had so little sleep she figures Anya won’t mind if they skip the talk and save it for another day. But as she walks into the kitchen of their shared apartment, Lexa is greeted with the lovely scent of fresh food.

“Morning Lex, you weren’t about to sneak out were you?” Anya asks while spooning out an avocado.

“Hey, I was going to the field… I didn’t sleep much last night, didn’t wanna wake you this early.”

“You didn’t wake me, I set my alarm to make sure I could intercept you so you couldn’t avoid our little talk. And don’t start with that pout, I made your favorite.”

Anya spoons a generous amount of tofu scramble on top of the avocado on toast and brings the plate to the bar in front of Lexa. “Sit down and eat, you look like you need it.”

Lexa’s drained and weary but she knows Anya means well. Her cousin is always there for her, fiercely protective and caring. Bottling up her feelings and retreating into her shell will not do her any good in the long run, she knows this, so she might as well air everything now.

“Thanks Anya, I didn’t realize how hungry I was until now, it smells delicious.” She takes a seat at the bar and digs into her food.

“It’s the least I can do to cheer you up,” Anya says with a sympathetic smile.

When she’s halfway through her breakfast Anya tentatively tests the water. “Wanna tell me what had you so upset? You seemed to hit it off great with Clarke…”

“I did, she was really nice.”

“But I’m guessing you didn’t run off because she was being nice to you,” Anya urges her to get the point.

“No. That was all me. I shouldn’t have let her get too close,” Lexa murmurs.

“I saw you talking and dancing, I’m sure she didn’t expect you to open your heart and soul right away. It’s okay to have fun and see where it goes.”

“I know Anya, I wasn’t talking about trust,” she sighs. “We were having fun, Clarke is…“

“Intelligent, talented, beautiful, your dream girl,” Anya cuts her off teasingly.

“It’s a bit soon to say that, but she is very attractive. She studies fine arts and said she saw me on campus before.” Lexa worries her lip between her teeth for a bit and then adds. “Actually, she asked me to pose for her while we were dancing. She wants me to model for her so she can paint me for an assignment.”

“She’s attracted to you, too. I already gathered that from the way she looked at you, but this confirms it.” Anya looks at her in question. “If you’re both hot for each other then what’s the problem?”

“When we were dancing, Clarke… she was so close and she was saying these things…”

Anya gazes at her with a mildly amused but mostly confused look.

_I’m gonna have to say it, aren’t I…_

“I got hard, Anya. She was dancing really close, grinding into me and she was so hot, it just happened and I freaked out.”

“What did Clarke say?”

“I don’t know, nothing, I didn’t wait to find out. I don’t even know if she noticed. I hope not.”

“So you just ran away? Lex, you can’t keep everyone at arm's length and expect the worst from them without ever giving anyone a chance.”

She can tell from Anya’s tone that she’s serious. And she knows that Anya is right but it’s so difficult to trust people. Just the thought of opening up to a girl like Clarke gets her all queasy and nervous. When she doesn’t respond Anya continues.

“She’s Octavia’s best friend, when she told me about Clarke and how she wanted you two to meet I made sure to ask if she’s down to earth and open minded. After you ran out on her last night she seemed hurt, Lex. But she still asked if she could come with me to find you. I told her no and explained that you have some difficulty meeting new people. And yet, she asked me to tell you she doesn't bite and made sure I told you that she had a really nice time with you.”

Lexa can’t help but feel her whole face light up.

“She did?”

“Yes, she did. I’m not gonna say I’m sure, but I have a good feeling about Clarke not freaking out if you tell her you’re intersex, Lexa. I think you owe it to yourself to find out.”

“Perhaps you’re right.”

“I am right. You know it. Just get to know her and see how it goes. And if not Clarke, then take a chance with some other girl. Lord knows you’ve got options.”

Lexa huffs and resumes eating her breakfast, pouring herself some juice around a mouthful.

“Don’t play coy, that bartender was glaring a hole in the back of Clarke’s head while you were dancing. She asked me about you, wanted to know your name and where you study.”

_Maybe Clarke was right about Echo after all…_

“Too many hot girls drooling over you in one night got you all flustered, huh?” Anya’s teasing smirk has Lexa squinting her eyes at her cousin in return. Instead of answering she clears up her plate and puts it in the sink.

“Thanks for breakfast, Anya. I’ll take care of the dishes and cook for us tonight.” Before she walks out into the hall to head out to the field she turns around.

“And thanks for the talk, I’ll think about what you said.”

  
  
*******

  
  
Clarke spends the rest of the weekend trying to get her mind off of Friday night’s events. She doesn’t succeed. Even in her sleep, she dreams of green eyes and full lips, one corner quirked up into a shy little smile. She tries to spend her time on a few assignments that are due soon, but she wastes most of it daydreaming or texting Octavia to ask if she’s heard anything about Lexa from Lincoln.

After class on Monday, Clarke waits outside the art building for a while, pretending to organize the contents of her bag. She lingers for about fifteen minutes, looking around for a sign of Lexa entering or exiting the music building. When Lexa doesn’t show she goes home before she can start to feel like a stalker.

Clarke tries not to dwell on how much Lexa has affected her already after having met her only once. She knows exactly why she can’t stop thinking about her, it’s scary and exhilarating at the same time. Most artists are all about aesthetics, which is important, and Clarke has a firm grasp on what she finds physically beautiful. Lexa certainly fits that description—Clarke had never seen anyone more strikingly beautiful—but the way she made Clarke feel was a whole new level of beauty she hasn’t experienced. She had never felt a connection like that before, especially so instantaneously. While they were dancing, she immediately envisioned what Lexa would look like immortalized on canvas and her fingers itched to capture her.

The scary thing is that it wasn’t just what she saw in Lexa, but also the way Lexa looked at her. The way she watched Clarke closely, as if really seeing her and not just blatantly checking her out the way she’s usually looked at by other people. Almost like Lexa saw right through her, right to her core. Clarke found beauty in that, even if it made her feel exposed.

That’s why the following day, Clarke tries to seek out Lexa once more. Instead of waiting around and hoping she’ll magically appear, Clarke ventures into the music building. She remembers the building well enough from when she took a music appreciation class her freshman year so she trudges up the stairs to the second floor where she thinks Lexa could be.

It’s somewhat of an off time, and most likely classes aren’t in session, but Clarke decides to take a chance anyway and hopes that Lexa might be practicing. She follows the sound of a piano coming from halfway down the hall and listens for a moment at the door. She doesn’t recognize the music; the sharp, staccato pounding of the keys are a bit jarring and unpleasant. She tries to quietly open the door and peek inside, but the door squeaks and the guy at the piano stops what he’s doing and glares at her, along with the seven students in the room. _Shit!_ Clarke’s eyes go wide and she mouths an apology before closing the door.

_Great. Just interrupted an advanced music class looking for my dream girl. That’s not obsessive at all._

She continues further down the hall, trying not to be too embarrassed. It could have been worse, Lexa could have been in that class. She leans against the wall and closes her eyes for a moment, wondering exactly what she’s doing here. Lexa ran away from her. If she hadn’t, Clarke would’ve had a chance to ask for an exchange of phone numbers to keep in touch. _I should have given my number to Anya to pass along, although I’m not sure if she would have contacted me, she’d be too shy probably..._

And now here she is, barging in on intimate classes, practically hunting down a relative stranger all because she cannot forget the way she felt dancing with Lexa. She can’t forget the way Lexa’s arms felt around her, or her scent. Or the way she stumbled over words when Clarke’s flirting went into overdrive. She liked how unassuming and oblivious she was to her own beauty. She liked how passionately she talked about things that interest her, the way Clarke can go on for hours about the work and technique of different 20th century artists who inspire her.

Clarke is about to give up and leave when she hears the faint sound of a piano, a soft and sweet melody, coming through the door at the end of the hall. Clarke is intrigued, feeling herself being pulled toward the music as if following a siren’s song. She leans her ear against the door for a moment to listen to the song, thinking it sounds vaguely familiar. The flawless notes ring through her ears and she just knows. This is Lexa. It has to be.

She already made a fool of herself once, she may as well go for broke. Anything for a chance to see this girl again. She pulls the door open as quietly as she can and peers through the crack. Her heart nearly stops at the sight. It’s Lexa sitting at the piano, her back facing Clarke and her hands dancing across the keys. She opens the door a little further to peer inside. Thankfully, Lexa is alone and she’s not disrupting another class. She quietly steps into the room and closes the door behind her, making sure not to bring any attention to herself. She watches as Lexa continues the song, her skilled hands precisely hitting each key, her body moving with the rhythm of the song, her feet moving up and down on the pedals. Clarke is mesmerized.

When the song ends, Lexa sits for a moment, keeping her hands on the keys. Clarke can’t contain herself any more.

“That was beautiful.”

Lexa jumps and her fingers hit some random keys as she turns around to see who the intruder is. Once the initial shock wears off she looks confused and flustered.

“Clarke?”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.” Clarke takes a couple steps closer.

“What are you doing here?” Lexa stammers.

Clarke really didn’t think this through, so now she’s stuck with having to tell the truth.

“I came to see you.”

Lexa is taken aback, looking at her rather nervously.

“Why?” She asks softly.

Clarke takes another few steps closer until she’s at the bench looking down at Lexa.

 _Screw it. I’m here now, might as well just lay it all out._ She takes a deep breath.

“Because I can’t stop thinking about you. And I was worried. You took off in such a hurry that night…”

Lexa nods and turns back to the piano. “I know. I’m very sorry about that.”

Clarke runs her finger along one of the ivory keys, pressing down to create a baritone sound.

“Was it me?”

“No!” Lexa is quick to answer. “No, not at all.”

“Good. Because I had a really good time.”

“Anya informed me of that.”

“Did she?”

“Yeah.” Lexa continues to face forward, occupying herself with her sheet music. “I had a good time too, I’m sorry again for running. I can’t talk about what happened… not yet. Is that okay?

Clarke tries to give Lexa her most reassuring smile. Whatever is going on inside that beautiful head will be revealed whenever Lexa is ready, and Clarke has every intention of waiting for it.

She decides it’s probably better to change the subject and keep it light, instead of overwhelming the poor girl any further. She really just wants to spend more time with her, get to know her better and hopefully become friends. She also still needs to try to convince Lexa to pose for her. Before her mind can drag itself into the gutter and think about what else she and Lexa can be to each other she changes the subject to a lighter one that hopefully puts Lexa more into her element.

“You don’t have to tell me, it’s fine. What was that you were playing?”

Lexa’s body softens with relief instantly at Clarke’s words of understanding and a light blush creeps onto her cheeks.

“Han and Leia’s theme from _The Empire Strikes Back_.”

Clarke can’t suppress her smile. “Well aren’t you the most adorable nerd who ever lived?”

Lexa chuckles at that, looking up at Clarke with a shy smile.

“It’s a beautiful piece,” explains Lexa. “I know it’s cliché because it’s John Williams, but I think it’s the most understated part in the entire score.”

“I thought it sounded familiar. Are you working on it for a class?”

Lexa’s hand moves down to her left where Clarke is pressing down on the key. She places her hand next to Clarke’s and plays a few notes. Clarke hopes for at least a gentle graze against her hand, but no such luck. Lexa plays a few more notes, moving further away from Clarke’s hand, before answering.

“No, just messing around. I had some time set aside for the room and just wanted to clear my head a bit.”

“Is he your favorite film composer?”

“Well, he’s obviously the most prolific, but he’s just one of my favorites. I don’t know if I could pick just one. I love Hans Zimmer’s scores for _Inception_ and _Interstellar._ Trent Reznor’s work is also really impressive. It’s different, not really your typical harmonious buildup, but I like it. And Alan Silvestri is severely underrated as a film composer. Wendy Carlos is a big inspiration for me, her work is revolutionary. But if I have to pick a favorite, I’d have to go with Clint Mansell. He’s a visionary. His work, everything from _Requiem for a Dream_ to _Black Mirror’s San Junipero_ is just amazing. They all capture the mood of every scene so perfectly. You can almost feel it, it adds so much to the scene.”

Lexa’s long-winded answer ends abruptly when she realizes just how much she’s talking and Clarke can see her turn even more red. She loves the passion with which Lexa speaks about her craft and wants so badly to reach out and take her hand that’s resting on the keys, but stops herself. Lexa’s obviously a bit of a flight risk and Clarke finally got her to open up to her a little, she isn’t going to blow this.

“Will you play me something of theirs? And I’d really love to hear something of yours, too.”

Lexa’s shoulders stiffen.

“I’m nowhere near as good as any of the professional composers.”

“Somehow I doubt that. You want to play a composition by one of your favorites?”

“Maybe later?”

“Of course.” Clarke wants Lexa to feel comfortable with her, so she comes to a compromise. “Would you like to come with me to the art building? I can show you some of my work. Then maybe you can decide whether or not you’d like to pose for me.”

Lexa looks like she’s mulling it over in her head, it’s probably not even that long but the wait for a response feels like an hour for Clarke. She’s almost about to open her mouth to tell Lexa to forget about it when Lexa speaks up.

“Okay, I’d like that.” Lexa’s words are almost a whisper.

  
  
*****  
**

 

Lexa is so nervous she almost makes up an excuse about having to leave for soccer practice. She’s glad she didn’t when she looks back up at Clarke and sees the ear to ear smile that now adorns her face.

 _Why is she even here? Why does this goddess want to hang out with me? Why does she want to paint_ me _?_

Lexa’s head is spinning from all the questions she has about the girl who’s looking at her with a teasing smirk, like she’s able to hear Lexa’s confused thoughts. Lexa clears her throat before taking a deep breath. Remembering Anya’s words, she decides it’s good advice. Clarke is here, trying to connect with her even after she ran away from the girl. She has to give Clarke a chance. Maybe if she stops being so flustered around Clarke they can actually become friends. She grabs her sheet music from the piano and stuffs it into her bag. Sliding the piano bench back, she stands up, reaching just an inch higher than Clarke, whose blue eyes are sparkling with excitement.

“Lead the way,” she gestures toward the door with her hand. Clarke follows the motion and looks like she’s about to reach out and grab it with her own but then suddenly decides against it.

“Right this way.” Clarke smiles.

They walk to the building next door talking about the fact that both of their friends are dating each other, that Lexa is a year older than Clarke which explains why they never had any classes together. They share their dislike for professors Jaha and Wallace, and by the time they are discussing their favorite movies (Lexa names Tarantino’s _Death Proof_ which Clarke hasn’t seen and makes Lexa promise to show her) they have already reached the art studio that houses much of Clarke’s work.

Clarke starts putting up the canvasses against the longest wall in the space while Lexa quickly loses her ability to speak or think. She looks at Clarke’s paintings, one by one while Clarke keeps laying them out until she sits down somewhere to the side.

Lexa’s mouth is hanging open, she’s aware of it but she’s too much in awe of the faces on the canvasses in front of her to do anything about it. They are all girls, each of them beautiful, gorgeous even. She recognises a few; Octavia, Raven, even Echo’s face is among them. The colors Clarke prefers are vibrant. Lexa knows next to nothing about art but Clarke’s style is doing things to her. It’s not abstract and not hyper realistic, it looks a little rough while simultaneously capturing great detail. Most of the paintings have a very high sex appeal. Smoldering and coquettish looks, closed eyes and open mouths in bliss, and intense stares.

_Clarke can’t possibly think that my face belongs among these women, does she?_

The look on her face must communicate to Clarke what she’d been thinking just now because she hears the girl laugh as she sits down somewhere to Lexa’s right.

Lexa keeps looking at the portraits, taking in every detail. She’s lost in her own thoughts until the door behind her opens. A tall blonde girl comes in and walks over to the desk at which Clarke is sitting with a pencil in her left hand and a piece of paper in front of her.

“Hey Clarke,” she drawls flirtatiously.

Clarke looks up from what she’s doing. She flashes a glance at the blonde and then looks at Lexa, lingering for a bit as if she’s taking her in. She’s already back at it when she replies.

“Hey Niylah, what’s up?”

The girl, Niylah, sits down on Clarke’s desk and crosses her legs. “What are you doing?” she asks as she leans over Clarke to take a look for herself.

Clarke slides the piece of paper away from Niylah and covers it with her arms. “Just drawing. Is there something you need?”

In all this time Niylah hasn’t even so much as looked at Lexa and she starts feeling uncomfortable watching the girls at the desk. She has to look away so she focuses back on the paintings again, looking right into the face of… Niylah. Winking at her from a canvas with her mouth in a pouty smile.

“Echo told me you’ve got a new assignment, so I was wondering if you want me again. You know I’m always willing to sit for you.”

The emphasis Niylah puts on _‘want me again’_ and _‘willing’_ makes Lexa’s stomach roll and the air around her grow thick. She’s already awkward enough around Clarke on her own. Witnessing another girl flirt with Clarke with heavy implications that they shared _something_ in the past—of which the proof is right in front of her—is too much. She’s about to tell her she’ll come back another time but then Clarke is speaking again.

“Thanks for the offer, Niylah. Maybe another time… I’ll let you know if I need a model in the future.”

Niylah looks a bit taken aback. She stands up from the desk and turns to Clarke. “Oh okay, of course. You have my number, I’ll look forward to your call,” she says sounding hopeful. “Bye Clarke.”

Clarke doesn’t look at Niylah, instead she looks at Lexa again and focuses back on what she’s doing with the tip of her tongue poking from between her lips.

“Bye Niylah,” she says just as Niylah reaches the door and finally looks—more like glares—at Lexa.

When the door closes behind her, Lexa lets out a deep breath. The only other sound in the room is the scratch of Clarke’s pencil on the paper.

“So what do you think?” Clarke asks after a while.

_What does she mean? Niylah? The obnoxious flirting? Oh wait, she’s talking about her art._

“I, um… I’m blown away honestly, they’re so beautiful… you are very talented. It’s not what I expected. Not that I had certain expectations or anything… it’s very you. I mean I think it is, from what I know of you. Which isn’t a lot, of course…”

Lexa’s helpless rambling is interrupted by a soft chuckle from Clarke. “Thanks, I’ll take that as a compliment.”

Lexa keeps her focus on the paintings. If she’s going to ask the question she’s dying to ask, there’s no way she can look at Clarke while doing so.

“Why did you brush that girl off? She’s a good model, I like the colors you used on her portrait,” Lexa says, trying to compose herself.

Clarke comes to stand next to her and shrugs. “Eh, I’ve already got a muse. If you sit for me you’d be the crown jewel of my collection.”

Lexa can feel her face flush and her ears turn red. She still can’t look at Clarke, too afraid to respond to such a remark, too afraid to check if Clarke is making fun of her.

“You don’t have to say yes right now,” Clarke adds before holding out a piece of paper for Lexa.

Lexa accepts and starts unfolding it. It’s her face, Clarke must have drawn her side profile while she was looking at the paintings. She can’t help but gasp at the likeliness even in all it’s simplicity. She can feel Clarke’s eyes prickling on her face, waiting for a reaction. And then Lexa spots the digits at the bottom of the piece of paper. Clarke must have noticed where she was looking.

“Call or text me when you’ve got time and I’ll treat you to lunch. Even if you don’t want to model for me, I’d still like to get to know you better, okay?”

Lexa is tongue-tied. How is she supposed to be friends with a girl she can barely function around? Who wants to take her on lunch dates and casually writes her number on incredible sketches? She shakes these thoughts from her mind, she’s committed to see this through no matter where it takes her. She wants to give this amazing girl a chance. If she’s really honest with herself she’s also curious to see what it is exactly that Clarke sees in her. She can feel the smile spreading on her face before she looks up at Clarke.

“Okay, I have time this week. I’ll let you know.”

Clarke’s smile matches her own.

 


	3. Chapter 3

Clarke adjusts the volume on her laptop and finds a comfortable spot in the nest of pillows and blankets that is her bed before browsing through Netflix. Octavia had invited her to go out with her and Raven tonight, but since it’s the first night she’s been able to really take a break from all her projects, she just wants to relax in her room on her own. It has nothing to do with the fact that Octavia said no when Clarke had asked her if Lexa would be going, too.

It’s been two days since she gave Lexa the sketch with her number written under it in her art studio. She hasn’t heard from her yet but Clarke refuses to be discouraged. Lexa did seem to show some interest and told her she’d be in touch this week. Clarke would also refuse to admit that she’s waiting for Lexa’s text, but she hates lying to herself more. She figures it’s time for some long overdue binge watching, to keep her mind busy and to stop checking her phone every five minutes.

About two episodes into _Parks and Rec_ , Clarke feels something vibrate from somewhere in her blanket lair. She scrambles to hit the spacebar on her laptop and searches for the missing phone. She had to hide it to stop staring at it and focus on the show. When she’s located the device she takes a deep breath before checking the message. An unknown number lights up the screen, making her chest fill with hope and excitement. It _has_ to be Lexa. She opens the message and smiles.

Jackpot.

_“Hey Clarke, it’s Lexa Woods (Octavia’s friend. We met at Club Polis… you asked me to model for you.) I just wanted to let you know I’m free tomorrow if you’d like to meet up for lunch. If you’re not available, I understand. Perhaps we can find another time. I hope you’re having a good day.”_

Clarke lets out a snort at Lexa’s formal choice of words. Her nerves give way to laughter, because how can Lexa think that she needs to explicitly specify who she is. Like there is a remote possibility that Clarke doesn’t remember her. It’s completely absurd and absolutely adorable. Especially since she’s all Clarke can think about since they met.

She wastes no time replying, not caring if she comes off as desperate.

_“Lexa! It’s great to hear from you. I’m totally free for lunch tomorrow. If you’re on campus, I can meet you in the music room you were in last time at noon. Then we can head to lunch. Does that work for you?”_

She tries to keep the text as casual as possible, no matter how much she wants to throw in the fact that she can’t wait to see Lexa’s beautiful face. Something tells her that isn’t the best way to approach the situation and really, Clarke needs to learn some self-control when it comes to this girl.

She stares at the phone, willing it to vibrate as she waits for a response.

_“That sounds good, Clarke. See you tomorrow.”_

With a big sigh of relief and an ear-to-ear smile, she lets herself fall back into the blanket pile. She tucks her phone away to stop herself from replying with a winky face or something cute and flirtatious. It’s been clear from the very beginning: she’s in trouble. And she can’t wait to see where this trouble leads her.

 

*******

 

By the time Clarke leaves her place the next day, her room looks like a tornado just tore through it. Clothes, makeup, and hair products are strewn about everywhere. She’ll deal with it later. The mess is worth it after finally finding the perfect outfit and getting her hair just right for this very casual and friendly lunch with Lexa. She looks cute enough to hopefully appeal to Lexa, but in a way where it doesn’t look like she spent two hours getting ready in a panic. She makes it to campus in record time and heads up the stairs in the music building to the room at the end of the hall, anxious to get to who’s waiting on the other side.

Clarke stops at the door when she hears music coming from inside the room, soft at first, building into a beautiful crescendo that Clarke can practically feel throughout her entire body.

_God, she’s so talented._

She almost wants to stay on this side of the door to keep listening without interrupting, but she feels she can’t wait another second longer without seeing Lexa. She lifts her hand and knocks quietly.

“Come in.”

Clarke is thankful Lexa doesn’t stop playing when she’s given Clarke the all-clear to come in. She slowly enters the room without making a sound and smiles at the sight in front of her. Lexa is still playing, her eyes closed and her lips slightly parted, fingers gliding over the keys like she’s played the piece a million times before. The downy little hairs on Clarke’s arms and neck stand up straight, and a shiver runs down her spine when the melody transposes an octave higher after a moody passage. Clarke is all but hypnotized by Lexa’s passionate performance. She steps closer and watches Lexa’s fingers stretch across the keys as the song slowly comes to an end after the final crescendo.

_Those are very, very talented fingers._

Clarke continues watching them long after the room goes silent. It takes Lexa quirking a brow at her to snap her out of it.

“That was beautiful,” she croaks. Recovering as best she can, she clears her throat before continuing.

“One of yours?”

Lexa scoffs and turns back to the piano, gathering her sheet music.

“I wish. It’s a personal favorite of mine. A piece by Clint Mansell and Sam Hulick called ‘An End, Once and For All'.”

“I think it just became one of my favorites, too. Will you play another piece for me?”

Lexa’s face is turned away from Clarke but she catches a tiny smile in the corner of Lexa’s mouth.

“Alright. You’ll probably recognize this one. It’s less nerdy.”

“Whenever you’re ready,” Clarke says as she takes a seat in the chair to the Lexa’s left.

She grabs her sketchpad and a soft pencil from her messenger bag, slings one leg over the other to rest the paper on her thigh, and takes a moment to look at the girl in front of her. Clarke quickly decides that studying the lines, shapes, and proportions of Lexa’s delicate features is her new favorite pastime. While Lexa is rummaging through her sheet music folder, Clarke starts moving her pencil over the page.

Having found what she’s looking for, Lexa takes a deep breath and stills for a few seconds, her fingers resting on the keys. On the exhale, she softly rings in the first chord, followed by three others. The next four chords are a variation on the first set and then Lexa repeats them. Recognition begins to dawn on Clarke, but she’s never heard such a sober and intimate version of this theme.

Lexa’s playing intensifies and a lump begins to form in Clarke’s throat. She’s always loved the movie _Inception_ and really appreciates its score, but Lexa’s urgent and intense version of it is overwhelming. Clarke loses herself in Lexa, the music, and the drawing. Her sketch is rough but she manages to capture the passionate expression on Lexa’s face rather beautifully.

_Of course it’s beautiful. If it looks like her it will always be breathtaking._

She’s filling in a few small details when Lexa’s playing suddenly quiets down to the last heartbreakingly fragile notes. The pieces she’s heard Lexa play so far share the same characteristics—fantastic and moving motifs with a hint of hopefulness, but at the same time there is a weighed down loneliness to the pieces Lexa counts as her favorites. Clarke can’t help but wonder if that is how Lexa herself feels. She’s often quiet and withdrawn into her own shell, but she doesn’t know the girl well enough to be sure. Whatever the case may be, Clarke decides she wants to make Lexa laugh uninhibitedly—carefree and happy.

Her vision is blurry when she looks up at Lexa, who has apparently finished playing and is now standing in front of her, completely unnoticed by Clarke while she was in her own head.

“Clarke, are you okay?” Lexa’s voice is uncertain and a bit nervous.

Clarke is suddenly aware of her trembling lower lip and her wet cheeks.

_Oh fuck, stop crying and pull yourself together, you idiot. You’ll freak her out and mess this up!_

It turns out Lexa is an angel. She reaches in her bag and pulls out a handkerchief. She wordlessly hands it over to Clarke and kneels in front of her with a sympathetic look on her face.

Clarke dries her eyes—hopefully without smudging her make-up—and gives Lexa a shaky smile.

“I’m sorry, that was so beautiful… it turned me into a mess without even realizing it.”

Lexa lets out a soft chuckle and places a hand on Clarke's knee.

“Don’t worry. In a way, being able to touch you like this with my playing is the biggest compliment you can give me. And Hans Zimmer of course. If I wasn’t the one playing it, I would get emotional, too. It’s a powerful piece”

“You made me ruin my sketch,” Clarke says with a wobbly laugh, wiping away a few fallen teardrops with her sleeve. “It’s yours if you want it, though.”

Lexa takes the sketch from Clarke’s lap with her free hand. She gasps softly after turning it around to get a better look at it.

“Clarke…” Lexa looks up at her with her mouth slightly open in awe. “This is amazing. How can you even draw this well, this fast?!”

“Gotta be fast to capture the moment. I’ve put a lot of practice into it.”

When Clarke is sure she has been able to dry her eyes and somewhat compose herself again, she takes Lexa’s hand from her knee.

“Wanna get out of here? I’m pretty sure I just heard your stomach growl.“

Lexa visibly welcomes the change and her playful tone and she doesn’t seem bothered by the physical contact. She stands and helps Clarke up by pulling her out of the chair.

“I’m pretty sure it was your belly making those unhappy noises.”

On cue, Clarke’s stomach rumbles. She gives Lexa a wide smile before she pulls her toward the door, still holding hands.

 

*******

 

After spending the last few days pondering where to take Lexa for lunch, Clarke knows she made the right choice when she observes Lexa’s reaction to the menu as they sit across from each other at one of Clarke’s favorite places.

“How have I not heard about this place?” Lexa asks. “I thought I knew every vegan friendly restaurant in the area.”

_Oh no…_

Clarke’s eyes go wide.

“Wait, you’re vegan?”

Lexa nods. “Since I was fifteen. You?”

_Seriously, this girl…_

“I usually say vegetarian but I’m pretty much vegan, I just get weak over cheese from time to time. Lame, I know.”

“It’s not lame, you don’t have to be perfect to make a difference.”

Clarke takes a deep breath as she mentally sees the words _marriage material_ float over Lexa’s head. She can’t allow herself to get this excited because they share the same morals and values on this subject. Although to Clarke, sharing the same ethical values is as important as the desire for children or lack thereof when it comes to compatibility. She really shouldn’t be thinking about any of this yet since she hardly knows Lexa, and discussing their seemingly perfect relationship compatibility is more of a third date conversation topic.

_Third date? Don’t get ahead of yourself, Griffin. This isn’t even a real first date. It’s not a date at all. It’s just lunch. With a pretty girl. The prettiest girl you’ve ever seen._

She watches Lexa’s lips purse as she peruses the menu before looking at the menu herself. When she looks up, she catches Lexa staring at her with a smirk.

“What?”

“It’s just nice to meet a like-minded person, that’s all. Anya practically moans with pleasure every time she eats a cheeseburger in front of me and I know she thinks it’s funny and she’s just joking, but it still gets to me.”

Clarke can feel her heart soar from Lexa’s words and she almost launches into the spiel she’s given Raven on multiple occasions about eating animal products, but she stops herself because with Lexa she would be preaching to the choir.

“I’m glad you feel that way. I agree. It’s nice to meet someone with a common desire to minimize the suffering of animals.”

Lexa’s timid grin blooms to a full-blown smile and Clarke can feel her stomach drop. Her face grows flush.

_How the hell does she do that to me with just one look? Fuck, just focus on the menu, Griffin. Food… not Lexa’s lips._

Clarke goes back to studying the menu, even though she knows exactly what she wants. When the waitress comes by, Clarke orders her usual juicy smoked tofu and lentil cheezburger, while Lexa orders a sweet potato cashew curry, insisting she needs to behave because she’s in training. But that doesn’t stop Clarke from convincing her to share an order of fries.

Clarke decides it’s best to ease into asking if Lexa will model for her painting, so she starts with a harmless question.

“When did you get into music?”

Lexa takes a sip of her strawberry lemonade.

“Well, my uncle tells me it was from the time I was still in the womb. He tells me my mom would place headphones on her stomach and I would kick like crazy. It was her special party trick. Apparently I reacted the most when she played Michael Jackson.”

Clarke lets out a genuine laugh.

“He is a classic.”

“But my music obsession really started about three months after my parents died. I was living with my uncle Gustus and aunt Indra.”

Clarke watches Lexa, noticing a flash of pain in her eyes before it’s masked again. She certainly wasn’t expecting that and she has to fight the urge to walk over to the other side of the booth and hug Lexa. Instead, she listens intently. Something tells her Lexa isn’t someone who needs sympathy.

“Uncle Gus was in a band in the 80s and I found his old Prophet synthesizer in the garage. I remember it felt like discovering a treasure… I removed the dust cover and let my fingers run over all the buttons and keys. I plugged it in and powered it on. The headphones attached to it were way too big for my head, but that didn’t matter when I pressed down one of the keys and this huge otherworldly sound came out. I was completely captivated by it. When Gus found me I was afraid he would be mad, but he told me I could have it. Soon after, he signed me up for piano lessons. It sort of came naturally to me.” Lexa plays with the straw wrapper, tearing it into tiny bits. Then, she clears her throat. “So I guess falling in love with that Prophet synthesizer was quite a ‘prophetic’ moment for me.”

Clarke chuckles. “Lexa?”

“Yeah?”

“That was a really bad joke.”

Lexa shrugs. “You laughed.”

“Only because you looked so proud of yourself for making it.”

Lexa playfully throws the rest of the straw wrapper at Clarke, who dodges it skillfully.

“So you found your uncle’s synth and the rest is history?” Clarke beams at her, causing Lexa to turn her focus back down to the table, unable to meet her gaze.

“Pretty much. At first, I think I used it as an escape. But over time, music became my passion. My true love. I don’t think I could love anything more.”

Clarke is in awe.

_Beauty, brains, passion, compassion, and the hottest ass I’ve ever seen. This girl is everything… how is she even real?_

“How are you single?” The words escape Clarke’s mouth before her brain can put a stop to them. She closes her eyes and mentally bitch-slaps herself. “I’m sorry. That… came out wrong. It wasn’t supposed to come out at all, actually. I guess I’m too curious for my own good.”

Much to her relief, Lexa just laughs.

“It’s okay. I kind of like that you’re direct.”

“You don’t have to answer.”

“It’s fine. I’ve dated a few girls, only got kinda serious with one of them but not serious enough to call it a relationship. They never stick around. I decided it would be better to focus on my degree and invest time in my career.”

“But girls throw themselves at you, don’t even try to deny it! I’ve seen it live and up close.”

Lexa opens her mouth to object, but stops after Clarke gives her a stern look to stifle the imminent protest.

“Clarke, I…” She stops and shakes her head. Clarke watches her brows furrow as she carefully assembles her next words.

“I’m not the type of girl who can hold onto a girlfriend, I guess.”

Clarke wants to call bullshit on her, but doesn’t want to make her feel more uncomfortable than she already seems to be. She knows it’s time for a subject change, but before she does there is one thing she needs to say.

“That’s clearly their loss.”

Lexa’s eyes widen and her ears go a little red, but she doesn't respond. With that out there Clarke quickly scrambles for a topic of distraction, something that takes the spotlight off of Lexa.

“Did you know that I used to be a cheerleader?”

Clarke wants to stab her own hand with a fork. She’s flailing.

_Why? Why is that the first thing that comes to your mind? You really think that’ll impress her?_

Lexa doesn’t even try to hide her giggle.

“Is that so?”

Clarke nods. She’s in this now, there’s no going back.

“In high school. My mom insisted I get involved with extracurricular activities. I think she was hoping for Model United Nations or Mock Trial or something. I chose cheerleading. Mainly because Octavia was on the squad… and the outfits were cute.”

 _Just stop talking, Clarke! “The outfits are cute?”_ Really?

Lexa nods and looks down at her drink.

“I’m sure it looked good on you.”

It’s barely audible, but Clarke hears it. The blush that colored Lexa’s ears before has now spread to her cheeks.

_Okay. That shy admission and adorable blush made it worth bringing up the cheerleading for sure._

By the time their orders are served, Lexa seems more at ease.

“So you know my music story. How did you get into art?”

“I was a master finger painter in pre-school. I loved how messy and beautiful it was. The colors, the textures. I didn’t know what it meant at that age, but I knew I liked it, the feeling of the paint on my fingers and creating something from nothing… letting my imagination run wild. And one time, I got into a world of shit with my mom for drawing all over my bedroom wall as a kid. I don’t think I had ever seen her so mad. But my dad ended up pissing her off even more when he laughed and took pictures of it. He said it was the best unisaur he had ever seen.”

“Unisaur?”

“You’ve never heard of a unicorn dinosaur? Quite a mythical creature. Anyway, my dad went out and bought me a bunch of art supplies and encouraged me to draw more.”

“He sounds like a great guy.”

“He was,” Clarke sighs. “He died when I was eighteen, workplace accident.”

“I’m sorry, Clarke. I know it doesn’t get any easier… but I think it’s beautiful that he encouraged you to focus on you passion, and here you are: an incredible artist.”

“Thanks, Lexa.”

Clarke swallows hard, the last thing she wants is to tear up in front of Lexa again, no matter how touching her words are.

“While we’re on the subject of art, have you decided if you want to pose for me yet?”

Lexa looks like she might have mentioned something about her smooth segue into the question if the subject Clarke steered away from wasn’t such a loaded one. Instead she gives her a soft smile.

“I have. It’s completely out of my comfort zone… but I feel like I can trust you, so I’ll do it.”

Clarke’s smile couldn’t get any bigger even if she tried.

“Are you free tomorrow?”

 

*******

 

After parting ways, Clarke heads back to her place and immediately pulls out her phone to call Octavia.

“How did it go?” Octavia doesn’t even bother with a greeting when she answers.

“What was that, O? I can’t really hear you up here on cloud nine.” Clarke feels an extra bounce in her step as she continues her trek home.

“Excuse me while I throw up.”

“I’m serious, O. She’s...God, she’s just so perfect.”

“That’s a lot of intel to have gathered on just one lunch date.”

“You’re the one who wanted to set me up with her in the first place. You obviously thought she was perfect for me, too.”

“I thought you might hit it off.”

“Well, we have. And I have you to thank for it.”

“So she’s into you, too? I mean, it seemed pretty obvious at the club.”

“I think so. She seemed to be flirting with me a bit. I just need to take things slow with her, which is going to be near impossible because I think I’m really falling for her.”

“Damn, Griffin. You really do have it bad.”

Clarke’s smile remains fixed on her face the entire way home.


	4. Chapter 4

Lexa drops down onto the bleachers next to Lincoln after emerging from the locker room. She's still slightly damp from showering and completely exhausted from the intense training she just finished. When she had thanked Clarke for the lovely lunch and they agreed to meet for the portrait the next day, Lexa had left for soccer practice. She has a big game coming up on Friday, which is why today’s training was especially brutal. Lincoln looks equally drained, having just finished his football practice.

“How’d it go, Woods. Ready for the next match?”

Lexa groans. “After the amount of suicides coach had us do today I’ll either be as ready as I’ll ever be or my legs will fall off shortly.”

Lincoln’s laugh is loud as he bumps his shoulder against Lexa’s. “Can’t be that bad right? You’re the queen of suicides! I bet the rest of your team is still in fetal position in the locker room,” he smirks.

“Well, as long as they rally for the the game against Azgeda University.”

“I thought you play Mount Weather next.”

“We do. Azgeda is the match after that. We can beat Mouth Weather blindfolded. Azgeda is our biggest competition, as always.”

“You sound rather sure of yourself. Are you sure you feel ready? Or is a certain blonde artist distracting you?” Lincoln asks with a teasing smirk. “Have you seen her since you met her at Polis?”

“I have,” she says while looking away from Lincoln to hide the small smile she can’t stop from creeping onto her face whenever she thinks of Clarke. And because Lincoln is right on the money with his question: Clarke has been very distracting. Paying attention in class, studying, training… it’s embarrassing how often her thoughts drift off towards blue eyes and a dizzying smile.

“She came by the music studio the other day, so we hung out for a while and she showed me her art. Clarke is very talented, I have no idea why she’s so persistent in wanting me to model for her. Have you seen the girls she usually paints?”

_The seductive, smoldering, sexy girls that I can’t possibly compare to…_

“I have, she’s painted Octavia a few times, as well. Did you say yes?”

“She drew me in just a few minutes, a quick sketch—if you can call it that—while I was looking at her work. I don’t know how she does it honestly, it was so good. She put her number on it and asked me out to lunch, just to get to know each other a bit before I decided if I wanted to model for her.”

“Sounds like a date.” Lincoln grins.

“No, not like a date. She took me out because she needs a model. So just a friendly date.”

Lincoln shakes his head, stifling a laugh. “Sure Lexa, just a friendly date. I’m pretty sure Clarke has a bunch of models ready to go, you’ve seen for yourself how talented she is. If she only needed a model she could get one easily without taking them to lunch. Is it really such a wild idea that she took you out because she’s into you?”

“I don’t know, we’ll see. I like her. It would be cool if we stay friends after I model for her.”

“So, you said yes?” Lincoln beams at her.

“I did.”

She reflects for a moment, looking to the floor solemnly. While Lincoln’s phone buzzes between them and he checks the incoming message, she thinks about what she said yes to. When she told Clarke she’d model for her Lexa had felt safe, comforted by Clarke’s genuine and easy smiles, and very flattered by her compliments. Now that it’s really going to happen—tomorrow, she reminds herself while swallowing hard—nerves kick in and her heartbeat speeds up. Suddenly, she’s terrified at the prospect of possibly being exposed, scrutinized, and observed.

_Shit, what the hell was I thinking?!_

“Fuck, Linc… I’ve made a mistake. I shouldn’t have said yes. Do you think it’s too late to change my mind?”

Lincoln is grinning like an idiot while typing out a message. When he’s done, he puts his phone away, still sporting that grin.

“Alright, what’s up with the insufferable smirking?”

“Nothing. Just a text from Octavia.” He chuckles before continuing. “About the modeling, Clarke sees something in you, obviously, and she wants to capture that. You won’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with, I’m sure. But you can’t back out now, especially since you’ve already agreed.”

He looks at her sternly. If Lexa didn’t know what a giant softie he is, she might have been frightened by his dark stare. When he’s made his point, he looks away again while mumbling under his breath but Lexa’s sharp ears still catch it.

“I think it’s safe to say Clarke wants a lot more than to paint you.”

_Wait, What?_

Heat prickles on her face and she shivers. She takes on the voice of the Commander, the one she uses on the field to her teammates, for her next words. “Lincoln, did Octavia text you? Was it about Clarke?”

Instead of answering, he changes the subject. “Tell me what you think about her, now that you’ve gotten to know her a bit better.”

She wants to push him to spill it, but who is she kidding? She wants to talk about Clarke.

“She took me to this amazing place today and we talked about so many things… school, her art, my music, our shared love of animals, and our common desire to smash the animal agriculture industry as well as the patriarchy… I was almost late for practice.” She chuckles. “I’ve never met a girl I can talk to so easily about all the things that interest me… we seem to have a lot in common.”

He smiles and looks at her expectantly, nodding for her to continue.

“She asked me to play something for her before we went out. I made her cry. I mean my playing did, it wasn’t an original composition. But seeing her so open and emotional, so in touch with her feelings… It was amazing, admirable—even if she got a bit embarrassed. I wish I could be that brave.”

“Seems like Clarke is not the only one who has it bad.” He laughs, but then turns serious. “You are brave, Lex. One day you will be able to let your guard down and open up, when you’ve found the right girl.”

When she just sighs without responding, he adds, “Do you think Clarke could be that girl?”

She smiles, not bothering to hide it this time—there is no point, really. “I don’t know, maybe?” She says hopefully. “I don’t want to think about that yet, it’s too soon.”

“Sometimes you just gotta go with what your gut tells you. I watched you two in the club, when you met and as you were dancing. I could see something between you two. Even Anyaa said she’s never seen you get heart-eyes this fast before. I don’t know Clarke well enough but Octavia told me the same thing is true for her. So, I have to ask: is the reason why you left the club so suddenly what I think it is?”

Lexa throws her head back and takes a deep breath. She groans, but she knew this was coming, and if she’s honest with herself she’s glad Lincoln is asking about it. He’s the only person she trusts who can come somewhat close to understand her. At least this specific issue, since they have similar equipment.

“Yes,” she says on the exhale. “I swear this never happens to me, I never let a girl get so close. It shouldn’t have happened, but somehow she made me throw all my defenses out the window. So I freaked out.”

“It’s okay, you know, sometimes it just happens. Don’t beat yourself up over it. I know I’ve been in quite a few embarrassing situations as well.”

“You know it’s not the same, Linc. If it happens to you it might be embarrassing but girls won’t be in for a surprise with you. With me, they find out I’m... different. Probably call me a freak.” She lightly kicks against the floor with her toes and closes her eyes. “I hate it.”

“You are a beautiful woman, Lexa. Just look at the amount of girls throwing themselves at you.”

“Maybe they wouldn’t if they knew,” she bites.

“Some of them won’t, but I bet of lots of them would call themselves lucky to have you. I know I wouldn’t care if my dream girl happened to be intersex or trans. And I think Clarke won’t either. Because that’s what this is about, isn’t it? You’re always either completely oblivious or painfully indifferent when girls flirt with you. And suddenly there’s Clarke and you know your feelings will demand you to take a leap of faith to have a shot with her.”

“We’ve only just met, I mean… it’s so crazy. She’s all I can think about, it’s scaring me a little, honestly.”

“Just go at your own pace, but please don’t—for lack of a better word—‘friendzone’ Clarke. I’m pretty sure she would be heartbroken if you did.”

_Why would she be heartbroken? Though I guess I would be, too, if she rejected me..._

“I’ll try not to, I promise. I’m terrified of being rejected because of my body, but I know I can’t keep hiding forever.”

He nods, seemingly satisfied by her answer, and they sit in silence until Lexa realizes how hungry she is. When she stands to say goodbye, Lincoln speaks up lowly.

“Oh, and about what happened. Should you find yourself in a similar situation again, try flexing your thighs really hard and think unsexy thoughts. I don’t know how but it makes them go down faster. Always works well for me.” He winks.

Her cheeks burn but she manages to look at him and mutter that she’ll keep it in mind. Before they separate Lincoln gives her a bear hug so big she can feel her bones crunch.

 

*******

 

Lexa had managed to contain her nerves in Lincoln's calming presence yesterday, and she managed to keep it that way today, for the most part anyway. Now that she’s climbing the stairs to Clarke’s art studio, though, her heart is pounding, her hands are clammy, and her mouth has gone dry. But there is also a note of excitement humming through her. She’s eager to see Clarke again. Even though they saw each other the day before, it feels like a much longer time has gone by since she last saw her.

She knocks on Clarke’s door before she can think about it and work herself up even more. The door opens in a matter of seconds, only to reveal…

_…Echo?_

“Hi Lexa, come in. It’s good to see you.” Echo smiles.

“Hey Echo, is um, is Clarke in?”

For a split second Echo’s face loses the pleasant and welcoming expression, but it’s so fast that Lexa thinks she must have imagined it.

“She had to step out to take a phone call. I was just finishing up this piece I’m working on. You wanna have a sneak preview? You'll be the first to see it."

Lexa tentatively steps inside, she’d rather wait for Clarke outside to avoid any awkward small talk with the Polis bartender, but she doesn’t want to be rude either.

“Sure, I’d like that.”

Echo leads her to the opposite side of the room from where she knows Clarke is stationed, to a very big easel with a large and wide canvas on it. Once she stands in front of it she can’t help but be amazed by Echo’s creation. Sharp, white, jagged mountain tops emerging from a thick, misty forest with an impressive glacier in the middle of the composition. It’s cold and a bit foreboding but it has an unmistakable draw to it, sucking the observer into the scene. It makes her wonder what kind of mysteries are hidden beneath the fog and between the trees. She’s not sure how long she’s been taking in the picture when Echo speaks up next to her, while at the same time the door to the studio opens and Clarke steps inside.

“So, does it pique your interest?” Echo drawls. Lexa is vaguely aware of Echo’s odd way of asking for someone’s opinion on a painting, but she’s impressed and eager to greet Clarke so she lets it slide.

“It’s beautiful, Echo. I could look at a scene like this for a long time without ever getting bored with it. I’ve always felt very connected with nature. We used to go camping in the woods every year when I was a kid. Those camp sites were more lush forests than icy mountains, but the scenery you’ve chosen is intriguing for sure. You’re very talented.”

A loud bang from somewhere behind them makes Lexa jump a little. Clarke must have dropped something, she thinks to herself. She wants to check if Clarke is okay but then Echo is speaking again.

“Wow, thanks Lexa.” Echo beams. “I’m really glad you like it. Maybe I can try to paint some of those lush forests you speak of for my next project, I’ve been meaning to expand beyond my usual winter landscapes.”

Lexa flashes the girl a timid smile. She would like to see Echo try her hand at a green forest full of life. When she tries to turn once more Echo interrupts her yet again.

“I’m working at Polis tonight, why don’t you come by around nine thirty? I’ll make you some of those Spanish mules you like.” She grins. When Lexa responds with a weak smile, she hastily adds, “If you’re not really a clubbing kind of girl we can go somewhere else once I’m off if you want?”

Lexa hears a muffled snort behind her from Clarke while Echo looks at her with a new kind of vulnerability flickering behind her eyes. Lexa likes the girl, but she’d much rather spend her weekend with Clarke. If the modeling session goes well, Lexa had planned to ask Clarke to hang out some more if she’s available. But she can’t exactly say that to Echo, especially not with Clarke in the room. She awkwardly rubs her neck while averting her gaze from either girl.

“Sorry Echo, it’s a bit short notice and I kinda already made plans for this weekend. Maybe I’ll see you at the game Friday?”

Echo recovers quickly. “Oh! Yeah of course, against Mount Weather right? I’ll be there to watch you crush those assholes, Commander.” She flashes Lexa a playful smirk. “Thanks for checking out my work, I’ll let you know when I’ve got something else to show you.”

With that, Echo grabs her bag and makes for the exit. She turns before she closes the door behind her.

“Bye Lexa,” she says, without ever acknowledging Clarke.

Lexa awkwardly sticks up her hand in goodbye. When the door clicks shut, Clarke briskly walks past her and locks the door. Lexa can hear her take a few deep breaths before she turns around to face Lexa, that dazzling smile blooming onto her face. Lexa can feel her awkwardness evaporate in the warmth of it and the tension she didn’t know was there leaves her shoulders. She instantly feels more at ease.

“Hey,“ Clarke says, taking her bottom lip between her teeth. “I have the studio for the next three hours.” She smiles and then gestures to the locked door. "Figured you’d want as much privacy as possible."  
  
Lexa looks to her feet and nods. “Thank you.”  
  
Clarke walks back to her workspace and pulls a chair over about three feet in front of her easel. “Have a seat while I finish setting up.”

Lexa sits down. She’s unsure exactly what position to settle into, but she realizes that Clarke will probably direct her on what to do when she’s ready. She relaxes with her shoulders slumped and both feet on the ground as she nervously adjusts the sleeves to her white button down shirt.

“Am I dressed okay?”

Clarke looks her over and can’t hide her smile. “I’m going to paint you from the neck up, so don’t worry about the outfit. But if you’re asking me as a person and not as an artist? I’d have to say you look really good.”

_Wait, is she flirting with me? That did sound a bit flirty…_

She can feel her cheeks burning as Clarke organizes the paints and brushes on the table next to her. Lexa’s kind of glad she left one more extra button undone than she normally does with this shirt. The five minutes of going back and forth on that crucial decision in front of the mirror this morning seems to have paid off because Clarke’s eyes were very obviously focused on her chest before she started getting her supplies ready.

Lexa hopes the blush will have faded by the time Clarke starts painting because she’s pretty sure the flush has traveled down to her neck by now. She catches Clarke looking over at her every once in a while as she’s mixing colors. Lexa tells herself it’s just because she’s trying to get to know what her subject looks like, but she finds herself secretly hoping there is more to it than Clarke checking if she’s blending the shades right. She takes notice of Clarke’s attire. She’s dressed in paint-covered jeans and white converse splattered with different colors. Her dark, form-fitting t-shirt is a bit cleaner, with just a few splotches of paint that look like they’ve set in over time and after many washes. She watches as Clarke’s brows furrow while trying to mix the perfect ratio of auburn and burgundy. When she notices Clarke approaching her, Lexa's gaze flits nervously across the room.

Her breath quickens as Clarke leans down and grabs the arms of the chair, bringing her face close to Lexa’s. She tries not to look directly at her, but those blue eyes are too magnetic to ignore.

“So this is the plan. I have sort of a ritual before I start painting,” Clarke explains. “I’m going to spend the next few minutes studying you. Now, this might make you uncomfortable. Usually, it makes the model laugh because of how close I get. Kind of like when the eye doctor gets right up in your face. Feel free to laugh. Feel free to do whatever feels natural. But if at any time, you want me to stop or it gets to be too overwhelming, just tell me. Try to ignore me if you can. I just need a few minutes to really look at your face. The lines, the curves, the pallor, the eyes. All of it. Just pretend I’m not here.”

_Ignore her? Please. That’s about as likely as me going to a Coldplay concert._

Lexa finds herself nodding, rather surprised by how comfortable she feels already. However, as the minutes roll on and Clarke’s eyes scrutinize every part of her, pulling her apart layer by layer, she starts to feel a bit vulnerable and uneasy. And with Clarke this close to her, feeling Clarke's hot breath on her face, despite how exposed she feels, Lexa's uneasiness is overshadowed by arousal. She becomes aware of her quickening heartbeat, her increasing body temperature and in particular the heat stirring between her legs. She hopes Clarke can’t feel how heavy she’s breathing at the moment, but it's probably hard to miss. She knows she needs to do something before she has an unfortunate situation to take care of.

_Oh fuck. What did Lincoln say again… clench my thigh muscles?_

Her voice sounds weak and stuffy when she speaks.

“Clarke… ”

Clarke backs away immediately.

“Lexa?”

“Sorry. I just… it was starting to feel a bit…”

“Claustrophobic?”

Lexa goes along with it and nods. It’s much better than what her explanation would have been. She keeps clenching her thighs, silently thanking Lincoln for his advice because it seems to be working.

“Sorry. I should have sensed you were starting to feel uncomfortable. I know it’s awkward. It usually is. Though in this case, I will admit it’s kind of nice for me. It’s not every day I get to closely study someone with such perfect bone structure.” Clarke grins.

Lexa shifts in her seat and smiles at Clarke. She doesn’t know how to take the compliment, but she knows that Clarke is being completely serious. There doesn’t seem to be an insincere bone in her body. Lexa manages to choke out a quiet “thank you” as Clarke heads back to her workspace.

“I think that’s enough of me awkwardly staring at you. Right now, I’m just going to outline a bit, get a feel for the tone. Are you ready?”

“Sure. Of course.”

“Great. Now, if at any time you need to stop and take a break, just tell me. Don’t hesitate to say something because sometimes I have a tendency to lose track of time when I’m painting. I may not be able to finish it in one session, but we’ll see.”

“Okay. I promise I won’t let you keep me hostage,” replies Lexa, though she really doesn’t mind such a scenario.

“Cheeky.” Clarke smirks at her. “Okay, now it’s time for me to give you some directions, is that okay? Can you lean back a bit and then move your chin down slightly?”

Lexa complies and does what Clarke asks.

“Great. Now go ahead and relax your arms while keeping your back straight, but make sure it’s comfortable. And this is just for a few minutes, but I need you to look directly at me. You can blink, but I need you to look at me. We’re getting the most awkward part out of the way first.”

Lexa is still somewhat apprehensive, but she follows Clarke’s directions perfectly. Really, it isn’t so difficult to look into those oceanic eyes of hers. She pushes her nerves aside and meets Clarke’s reassuring eyes. They are light, kind, and comforting. And Lexa knows she won’t have to worry about looking away. She watches as Clarke stands frozen in front of her, slightly tilting her head to one side and still solely focused on Lexa’s eyes. Lexa licks her dry lips and swallows thickly under her gaze. This movement causes Clarke to snap out of her stupor.

“I’m sorry, I just…your eyes. It’s usually so hard for me to get a subject to give me the expression I’m looking for, but with you…”

Clarke starts to turn red and goes back to drawing her outline.

Lexa feels a familiar pull in her stomach. One that she felt the night she first met Clarke, and the day Clarke sought her out in the music room, and when they went to lunch. She could only assume this is what people mean when they say they’ve got butterflies. Because every time Clarke looks at her that way, Lexa feels it.

She can feel her confidence level rising each time Clarke’s eyes quickly catch her own. Even if it’s brief, it’s still powerful as hell. She watches Clarke bite her lower lip in concentration as her left hand works nimbly against the canvas before stepping back and contemplating her work.

“I think we’re good with the outline. You can relax your eyes now. I’ll let you know when I’ll need them on me again.”

The comment is innocent, but Lexa’s brain decides it’s just suggestive enough and she tries to suppress a giggle. She rubs at her eyes while Clarke starts using a brush to paint with a color resembling her skin tone. Lexa takes her previous position once again, trying to give Clarke as much continuity as possible. She’s mesmerized as Clarke switches brushes and colors without even hesitating, as if knowing exactly what she wants next. Granted, Lexa has never actually seen an artist at work, but watching the scene unfold, she decides the act of painting is an art form itself. Especially the way Clarke does it, Lexa could watch her do this all day. And the fact that Clarke keeps having to look over at her for a reference only stirs more delight within her.

Lexa reaches for her bag to take a sip of water when she notices they have already been here for 3 hours. After Clarke throws down yet another brush, she stops for a moment and looks back and forth between the canvas and her bottles of paint. She grabs a few different shades of blue, yellow and green and brings them over to Lexa, kneeling in front of her.

“Is it okay if I…?” She gestures to the paint and to Lexa’s cheek.

“Of course. Do what you need to do.”

Clarke brings the paint colors up to Lexa’s cheek, trying to match them to Lexa’s eyes. The back of her fingers gently graze Lexa’s cheek each time she brings a new shade up to her eyes. Lexa can swear that when she holds up the last bottle, her touch is more purposeful and lingers on for much longer than it needs to. She finds herself wanting to reach her hand up to grab Clarke’s, urging her to keep it there, but she refrains. Clarke is in creative mode right now. Lexa knows not to mess with someone when they’re in creative mode. 

Clarke stays kneeling in front of her as she pulls away the last shade of green and puts it on the floor next to the others. Clarke's hands find their way to rest on Lexa’s thighs as she looks up at her. Lexa tenses up a bit, but then relaxes into Clarke’s touch upon locking eyes with her.

Clarke gives her a sweet smile before hoisting herself up. She grabs her palette, adds two shades of blue, one yellow, a hint of white and then she adds two shades of green. She uses these to create separate shades of blue's greens. Dark, light, and various hues. Holding the palette up next to Lexa’s face, she makes a few more adjustments before she’s satisfied and goes back to work while Lexa resumes staring at her, still awestruck. Another half hour goes by that feels like five minutes to her and then Clarke tells her she’s finished.

“I usually need two sessions to get it done. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised… you’re very _inspiring._ Do you want to come take a look?”

It’s only when she stands up that Lexa feels in her limbs that she hasn’t moved for quite a while. Watching Clarke made time go by in a blink while simultaneously standing still. Watching Clarke work and study Lexa’s face erased every thought, worry, and trouble from her mind. She stiffly walks over to Clarke, who steps aside so Lexa can finally see what the talented artist sees in her.

It’s been several minutes since Clarke revealed the finished painting to her and all Lexa can do is stare. She can’t believe what she’s looking at. Words are a thing of the past for her in this moment. All that exists for her are the vibrant colors across the canvas somehow forming the shape of her face and her own eyes staring back at her. She had felt like Clarke saw right through her skin while she was working, now she’s presented with proof she was right. She can’t quite place it, but Clarke managed to capture exactly how she feels every single day, her essence. She can never quite pin down the feeling, but now she sees it looking right back at her. And yet, she had never seen herself like this before. Despite the look in her eyes, the Lexa in the painting is bold, fearless… even beautiful.

 _This is impossible… how can Clarke see me like this? See_ this _in_ me.

Lexa has never seen herself as beautiful, even though she’s been told on several occasions. She has always refused to believe it because all she has ever focused on is the one thing that makes her feel like a freak. As she continues observing the painting up close, she begins to think that maybe, just this once, it might be safe to fall for a girl. Especially a girl as sweet and understanding as Clarke.

She hears Clarke clear her throat and Lexa realizes it’s been far too long since she’s said anything.

“I’ve never worked that quickly before. Usually the models get bored or want a break. Or I can't seem to get a certain part of their face right. But with you, it was easy. I’m kind of shocked at how easy it was.”

Lexa can hear a nervous tremble in Clarke’s voice and she want to reassure her that the painting is beautiful, but she still can’t find the words, still lost in Clarke's work, wondering how it’s possible that Clarke can find so much beauty in her. She feels a tear escape from her eye and roll down her cheek. She doesn’t bother wiping it away when she finally turns to face Clarke.

“I… how did you do this? I’ve never seen myself like this. It’s… how did you do it?”

“I just capture what I see. And in this case,” she pauses to take a deep breath, “I painted one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever seen.”

Lexa looks back at the painting, more tears are silently flowing.  

“Thank you, Clarke. You are truly gifted.”

Clarke gives her a half smile and reaches for the roll of paper towels on the desk. Instead of handing a piece to Lexa, she folds it two times and softly wipes away Lexa’s tears, her eyes shining with understanding. Lexa feels like the tears will never stop if she doesn’t say something soon.

“I’m assuming this is just you paying me back for making you cry with my playing?”

Clarke stands next to Lexa, joining her in admiring the painting.

“Well, now we’ve both made each other cry with our respective artistic abilities. I think it’s safe to say we’re even.”

“We are.“

She can feel the heat of Clarke’s bare arm through her shirt where they touch as they continue watching the painting. In this moment, Lexa realises she has never felt as understood and connected to another person as she feels right now. Between Clarke’s persistence in getting to know her better, making her feel comfortable while she worked, how tenderly she wiped away Lexa’s tears, and the fact that she captured her better than her own reflection in the mirror does. She feels a certain need bubbling up that flows from her chest into her throat, making her swallow hard, but it does not go away.

When she understands what this feeling means, she surprises herself by the way her body reacts on its own. She turns to face the girl next to her, their eyes finding each other while Clarke slowly turns to face her, too. Lexa still hasn’t found the right words, but it’s okay, she needs to express herself another way, a way that is foreign to her, but so very welcome. And she hopes Clarke welcomes it too.

She brings her arms up and wraps them around Clarke’s neck before pressing their bodies flush. It takes just long enough for Lexa to worry that she’s read Clarke wrong, but then she feels those warm arms around her, squeezing her even closer, hands grabbing the fabric of her shirt. Lexa releases a content sigh into Clarke’s shoulder while Clarke takes a deep breath, like she’s drinking in Lexa’s scent. It makes her heart pound but for once she doesn’t care. In fact, she’s okay with Clarke knowing how she feels.

“Thank you,” she whispers. She wants to say what for, to put her feelings into words, but she still can’t find them so she settles for the next best thing. “For everything.”

“I should be thanking you.” Clarke’s voice is husky and low. “But you’re welcome.”

_You can do this, Lexa. Just ask her._

“Are you hungry? If you want, I’d like to take you to dinner.” Her voice sounds a lot more steady than she is.

She feels Clarke smile into her shoulder

“I’d love to.”

 

*******

 

Lexa comes home later that night, thinking back to the lovely dinner they just shared with a smile on her face. She’s getting more and more comfortable around Clarke and while the feeling is exhilarating, it is accompanied by a heavy fear of rejection in the pit of her stomach. But for Clarke, she decides to try and push that fear down, instead of being lead by it—the way she normally functions around girls. It’s been wonderful to get to know Clarke better and, given how open she is with her, Lexa wants to try and bring her walls down for Clarke too.

She takes a seat behind her digital piano with a few fresh, blank score sheets on it, and closes her eyes, letting her fingers find the right frequencies that translate the warm feelings in her chest into a melody.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We hope you enjoyed this chapter and can't wait to hear your thoughts on it!
> 
> Come talk to us on tumblr [@syngularitysyn](https://syngularitysyn.tumblr.com/) (any fic asks will be answered by us both :))


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this chapter took us a bit longer than usual! I (VolatileVision) was away for two weeks. But now I’m back and we’re making up for it with a 9000 word chapter and a moodboard! Aaand we’re finally getting to the good stuff… upped the rating to E ;)

Clarke follows Octavia up the bleachers with a bucket of sweet popcorn in one hand and a fruity red drink in the other. Lincoln had been really extra about where they sat so he went ahead to save his favorite seats for them. He takes the nachos Octavia is holding as she sits down on one side of him while Clarke joins him on his other side. When she's seated, she suddenly finds herself appreciating his effort. Looking down at the field she immediately spots Lexa doing her warming up stretches.

She’s not sure how long she has been staring at Lexa’s strong, defined legs and cute butt until she’s brought back to the present by someone sitting down on her right. It takes tremendous effort to tear her eyes away but she eventually manages.

_It’s those shorts… they look criminally good on her. And that tight fitting shirt… fuck._

Suppressing a groan at the last eyeful of flexing thighs she feels an entirely different kind of groan bubble up when she finally faces the person next to her.

“Hi, Clarke!” Niylah flashes her a big smile, tilts her head to the side and lets her eyes roam over Clarke’s body.

Clarke squirms in her seat, feeling uncomfortable under Niylah’s gaze, wishing she was wearing a shirt with Lexa’s number on it. She looks away only to find another person she’d rather not see. Echo doesn’t say anything and only acknowledges her with a brief nod.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” Clarke scolds herself for being rude but the words leave her mouth before she can stop them. Niylah is completely oblivious, thankfully, and if Echo notices she doesn’t show it.

“Well, I was going for the cheerleaders when Echo begged me to join her. When I actually got here I remembered soccer teams don’t have cheerleaders. Why do I always forget that? Anyway, it doesn’t matter now.” Niylah smirks at her knowingly, the ‘you’re here’ is heavily implied at the end, making Clarke swallow as she plasters a forced smile onto her face. Niylah continues babbling when she doesn’t reply.

“I thought you weren’t into sports either? We could skip and find somewhere else to go. You wouldn’t mind, would you Echo?”

Clarke tries to tell her she definitely wants to be right where she is but Niylah has already turned her attention to Echo.

“Nope, I don’t mind. Do whatever you want, I’ll be fine.” Echo’s voice sounds as frosty as usual but she does sound a little eager to get rid of Niylah all of a sudden.

_Or does she want to get rid of me?_

“I want to be here, Niylah. I’m pretty sure the match is about to start.”

Clarke pays no attention to the dejected look on Niylah’s face and turns to Lincoln. He’s eyeing her suspiciously so she gives him a timid smile and shifts her attention back to the field. Back to the person who has had her attention every minute of every day for the past week.

_Shit, I hope he doesn’t get the wrong idea about this. Although I’m pretty sure Octavia has told him how I feel about Lexa, I don’t want her best friend to doubt my intentions._

She was right about the game being close to kick-off. As captain of her team, Lexa is standing at the center of the field with the referee and the Mount Weather captain, about to do the coin toss. After winning the toss, Lexa’s eyes find her own and the smile Lexa flashes her leaves her swooning for several minutes, focusing only on the player with back number eight.

Lincoln’s commentary on the game eventually takes her out of her own escalating thoughts about Lexa and her uniform, for which she is silently thankful. She engages with him about what’s happening on the field in order to be more present and actually pay attention to the game, not just one aspect of it. Even though she’s never been a big fan of watching sports, she’s surprised how much she’s into it now that she has good company and an amazing girl on the field to root for.

 

*******

 

At the start of the second half, one of the Mount Weather girls brings down an Arkadia player, earning Lexa a free kick—from a very advantageous spot, according to Lincoln. The visiting team is forming a wall between Lexa and their goal as she waits patiently to take the shot. The score is one against one and Clarke can see how badly Lexa wants to gain the advantage after the score has been tied the entire first half of the game.

The referee isn’t happy with the wall of Mount Weather players creeping closer to the ball, ordering them to walk back to the designated spot. Lexa breaks out of her focus to look back up at Clarke, their gazes connecting for a suspended moment, and even from this distance, she gets lost in the sparkling green of Lexa’s eyes. She vaguely registers that someone close to her is speaking—to her, perhaps—but their voice is an unintelligible jumble in Clarke’s ears.

“What…?” She asks, without looking away from Lexa.

“I said, I got a new bed this week. Wanna come over and help me break it in properly? My roommate is out all weekend.”

Clarke processes the question for a moment to be sure she heard it right this time. The girl has never been very subtle but this level of forwardness is a bit much even for Niylah. Clarke repeats her previous question as she turns her head to face Niylah at last.

“Come on,” Niylah leans in and bumps her shoulder against Clarke’s. “Remember how much fun we had in my old bed? It can only get better from here, I've upgraded to a queen size.” She winks.

Clarke just gapes at her, stunned.

“I’ve noticed how tense and distracted you’ve been this week. I can work all of that tension out, you know… I’ve done it before.”

Niylah’s devilish smirk is making Clarke’s stomach churn. The referee’s whistle brings her out of her stupor and she turns her head back to the game just when Lexa kicks the ball with a loud thump. The whole crowd holds their last inhale and collective groan as Lexa sends the ball flying over the goal. Clarke watches as Lexa looks up at the sky with her hands in her hair, muttering to herself in frustration. On her other side, she hears Lincoln tell Octavia that something must be wrong for Lexa to miss a shot like that. Echo shouts an encouragement to Lexa and Clarke turns her head to glare at the girl.

_Of course, this is why she’s dragging Niylah to soccer matches all of a sudden…_

Niylah says her name and Clarke remembers she still hasn’t given her an answer. She summons her most apologetic expression as she tries to come up with a way to get out of Niylah’s proposition without hurting the girl.

“I’m sorry Niylah, I told you I want different things, and I stand by that. We agreed to a no-strings deal till one of us put a stop to it, remember?”

Niylah looks crestfallen, and Clarke feels for the girl, but she doesn’t want to lead her on. There is only one person she wants to get intimate with and that person is currently glaring at her feet on the field.

“I know, I’m sorry. I just thought you might have changed your mind. A girl can try, right?”

“Sure, and I’m flattered, of course. But I prefer to stay friends.”

She faces away from Niylah but not before sending another glare in Echo’s direction out of the corner of her eye. Lincoln chuckles softly beside her and Octavia is biting her lip to keep from laughing when she faces them. She makes a gesture at her own throat to get them to stop, growing frustrated with all the distractions that keep her from doing what she’s here for: watching Lexa.

She lets out a content sigh as she settles back into her seat with her popcorn, ready to get back into the game. It appears Lexa’s head is no longer in it, though. She’s kicking at the grass with her hands on her hips, pouting up a storm. Clarke feels bad for her, really, but she can’t help but squirm in her seat. Lexa’s eyes don’t meet hers but the serious expression and those full lips are _doing things_ to her.

 _If she doesn’t stop pouting soon I might not be able to stop myself from going down there and kissing it away… maybe even use a little teeth. Because fuck me, those lips are_ so _biteable._

Lexa’s uniform consists of loose black shorts and a form-fitting red and black shirt that currently clings to her torso like a wet second skin. The exposed skin of her neck, arms, and legs are glistening with sweat. Suddenly feeling parched, Clarke takes a big gulp from her drink. She notices Echo doing the same in her peripheral vision and grinds her teeth. She knows Lexa likes her, but to what extent? And to what extent is she interested in Echo? She thinks back to Lexa and Echo’s conversation and a jealous pang stabs at her heart.

_She certainly seemed interested in Echo’s art…_

There are five minutes left on the clock when Lexa is given another free kick just outside the penalty area after a desperate tackle from the opposing side. The referee has to step in even more firmly than before to keep the Mount Weather team in line. Lexa is panting and visibly tense, glaring at the ball as she prepares for what could be the final attempt to score in the match. Clarke is on the edge of her seat, palms sweaty and heart thumping loudly in her chest. She wants Lexa to win, she wants to see the effortless confidence Lexa displayed in the first half of the game again. Before she can stop to think if it’s a good idea or exactly the kind of distraction Lexa doesn’t need right now she stands up, brings her hands to her mouth, and yells.

“You’ve got this Commander!”

Lexa’s head snaps up at her and their eyes meet for the first time since the previous free kick. Clarke’s brows are scrunched up and she’s breathing heavy, Lexa must be able to tell how desperate she’s feeling all the way from the field. She knows her encouragement is appreciated when the pout finally disappears and a wry smile pulls at one corner of Lexa’s lips. She turns back to focus her attention on the ball again when the referee blows her whistle. With a short sprint, Lexa kicks the ball hard, seemingly straight at the wall of Mount Weather players until it curves around them. The goalie doesn’t even see the ball appear from behind the wall before it’s already in the top right corner of the net.

The crowd explodes in a chorus of cheers. Lincoln, who had been on the edge of his seat as well, spontaneously hugs Clarke while Lexa’s teammates surround their captain, their Commander. Mount Weather can't keep possession of the ball long enough to make a comeback and Arkadia wins the match at the sound of the final whistle. The crowd hasn’t stopped chanting since Lexa’s goal and they go wild when the Arkadian team salutes them as they leave the field.

Clarke takes in her surroundings with a big smile plastered on her face. She’s not sure where Niylah and Echo went but they are no longer sitting beside her. When most of the cheering crowd has left the bleachers Lincoln turns to Clarke, his voice soft and gentle.

“Can I talk to you about Lexa a little? I know it’s not really my place to say anything, but I just want you to know something.”

“Of course,” Clarke replies. She’s not sure what’s coming but Lincoln’s earnest expression puts her at ease.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to give you the shovel speech, Octavia told me you like her quite a bit so I trust your intentions with her.”

Clarke chuckles at his word choice and the last bit of apprehension leaves her body. Since there is no point denying it she confirms Lincoln’s statement so he can continue.

“Lexa is someone who doesn’t open up to people easily, which I’m sure you’ve already noticed. From what she’s told me she’s already been more open with you than with anyone I’ve ever known her to be. I just want to ask you to keep an open mind, be patient with her, and don’t give up if she takes a little while longer to let her guard down.”

“I will. I know it’ll be worth it. She’s special.”

“She really is.”

Lincoln gives her a wide smile, indicating he’s pleased with her answer, and she meant every word. They settle into a comfortable silence as they hang back with Octavia on the nearly empty bleachers to wait for Lexa.

_Lexa._

Clarke can’t wait to see her. She’s still buzzing from excitement over Lexa’s victory. A victory that was hard won and deserves a proper celebration. They had agreed to hang out after the match a few days ago. Clarke is going to Lexa’s apartment for the first time. It’s going to be just the two of them, celebrating Lexa’s victory.

_Oh fuck, keep it cool Griffin, you can do this without making a fool of yourself._

But she can’t stop her thoughts from wandering as she waits and her friends are having a private conversation. Clarke had found herself daydreaming about Lexa a lot since their painting session. She’s thought about holding Lexa close and breathing her in too many times to count. The way their bodies had molded together was both comforting and electrifying. And Clarke wants to experience it again, and _more._

Lexa is the first person to emerge from the locker rooms. She’s back in her usual black jeans and t-shirt but her hair is still damp and she’s positively glowing. Clarke’s legs take off into a sprint to meet Lexa on their own volition. When she’s about to reach Lexa she’s suddenly uncertain if the hug she intended to give her is welcome, but then Lexa opens her arms for her and Clarke wraps herself around Lexa.

“Congratulations, captain. Or should I say Commander?”

Lexa chuckles into her hair. “Lexa is fine, Clarke. But thank you.”

Clarke notices Echo and Niylah walking out of the restrooms, both looking various degrees of disappointed when they see Clarke's arms around Lexa's neck.

 

*******

 

Dinner with everyone after the match moves at a brutally slow pace for Lexa. They are joined by Anya and Raven who weren’t able to make it to the game because of work. She appreciates their effort, but all she really wants to do is head back to her place with Clarke so they can start their movie night. Anya and Lincoln know this and she swears they're purposefully keeping the conversation going by asking Clarke questions they already know the answers to. Raven and Octavia seem to be on Lexa's side, hinting to their significant others that they'd like to get going. Lexa would have savored every bite of her falafel wrap instead of scarfing it down as fast as possible if she'd known it would drag on like this.

The only positive side to this delay is that it seems as though Clarke is getting somewhat restless as well. Lexa catches her eye and Clarke gives her an apologetic smile and a slight shrug. It's the smile that does her in and makes her stand up to announce her legs are sore from the game and she should get home to put them up and relax. She throws a fifty on the table, sufficient enough for her and Clarke's meals, and after saying their goodbyes, they head over to Lexa's apartment. She tries to ignore the very unsubtle thumbs up Lincoln throws in her direction as she and Clarke leave, but finds herself grinning at the thought of finally being alone with Clarke.

It was arranged beforehand that Anya would stay with Raven that night so Lexa could have the place to herself with Clarke. And since she had known for a few days that this movie night was happening, she thought ahead and bought snacks and drinks in case they get hungry.

The drive over to her place starts out with a comfortable silence, but soon enough, Clarke is excitedly telling Lexa how much she enjoyed the game and watching her play. Lexa is thankful it's dark so the other girl can't notice the blush on her cheeks when Clarke mentions how good she looks in her uniform. She was hoping Clarke would take notice and approve, and very happy she did.

It's a short drive to her apartment and Lexa spends most of it trying to keep her eyes off of Clarke and on the road, especially when Clarke starts singing quietly along with the radio. Lexa's pretty sure she's never seen or heard anything more adorable in her life.

_She really needs to stop being so damn cute._

"Make yourself at home," Lexa tells Clarke as they enter her apartment. "I'm going to change real quick. The guest bathroom is right over there and feel free to change into the sweats I put in there for you so you can get comfortable, too."

Clarke sends her an appreciative smile. "Thanks, I think I will."

"My movie collection is in the drawers behind you, but if you can’t find anything you like I also have Netflix. I’ll let you pick what we’re gonna watch."

"You don't have a preference?"

"Nope, it's your choice. I'll just be a few minutes."

Lexa is pretty sure she set a new personal record getting changed, eager to get back to Clarke. She put on a loose-fitting pair of sweats over her briefs, not wanting to be uncomfortable in compression shorts. She adds a tight black tank top and somewhat tames her wild mane into a messy bun, trying to make herself look presentable without trying too hard for a casual movie night. She hopes it's enough to catch Clarke's attention and gives herself a once-over in the mirror before heading back out to the living room.

Much to her delight, Clarke is already changed and snuggled up on the couch. Also dressed in one one of Lexa’s baggy sweats but with one of her soft, loose shirts over it because she knew Clarke wouldn't fit her tight fitting tops. Her legs are half folded under her body as she studies the blu-ray case in her hands with a little crinkle in her forehead.

 _Why does she have to be_ so _fucking adorable?_

Lexa realizes she’s been staring from the doorway for a while, so she quickly grabs the snacks and drinks she got for tonight from the kitchen before Clarke catches her and lays them all out on the coffee table.

"I got a little bit of everything, sweet and salty, because I didn’t know what you like."

Clarke's eyes light up when she grabs a bag of brownie bites.

"Oh my god, I love these!" It's barely five seconds before she rips the bag open and shoves two in her mouth. She holds the bag out to Lexa. "Yo wan thome?"

Lexa chuckles at Clarke, loving how she’s already made herself comfortable in Lexa’s home and grabs a brownie bite from the bag.

"So what movie did you choose?"

Clarke grabs the blu-ray case next to her and holds it up for Lexa to see.

_Just when I thought I couldn’t possibly be more into her, she does this..._

"You want to watch that?" Lexa smiles.

Clarke nods. "You told me _Death Proof_ is your favorite so I'm curious. I want to see what Lexa Woods considers her favorite movie."

Lexa grabs the case, opens it, and slides the disc into her gaming console. She sits down on the opposite side of the couch from Clarke. Having put more thought into this than she was proud of, she had decided last night that even though she really loves the idea of being close in proximity to Clarke, she wants to be respectful. After all, this is just a friendly movie night. She grabs the controller and turns on the movie, noticing that Clarke is looking at her from the other side of the couch in her peripheral vision. She turns her head to look at Clarke.

"Everything okay? Shall I start the movie?"

"Yeah, I’m ready, but I might have questions about the movie and I don't want to have to shout them out at you all the way over there."

Clarke pats the spot next to her, giving Lexa a _look._ Lexa swallows thickly and scoots over to sit next to Clarke. She knows she’s sprung, there is no denying it. Clarke could ask her to jump and she would ask how high. It's Clarke's world and Lexa's just happy to be living in it. Apparently not quite satisfied, Clarke pointedly scoots closer to Lexa to close the remaining few inches of distance Lexa purposely left between them. Clarke leans in a little and Lexa involuntarily closes her eyes for a moment as she breathes in Clarke’s scent. Their arms aren’t touching but they are close enough that Lexa can feel the warmth radiating from Clarke’s skin. She tries to relax and get comfortable but Clarke can probably tell she makes Lexa nervous.

_The good kind of nervous, the kind that makes you feel alive._

Knowing it’s probably unwise, but unable to stop herself, Lexa casts a quick glance at Clarke. She didn’t expect Clarke would be looking right back at her, though. And the way Clarke looks at her makes Lexa’s stomach flutter and her cheeks heat up. Clarke’s mouth is closed but her smile is as wide as it can get. She looks happy, and content and so, so sweet. Lexa has no idea how Clarke does it, but she suddenly feels at ease. Clarke always seems to have that effect on her and Lexa is grateful. She’s still nervous but the tension between them is no longer as stifling and instead is more potently charged.

She grabs the controller from the coffee table and presses play. They settle in as the movie starts, but Lexa is still very much aware of Clarke’s closeness.

"I have a feeling you'll really like it. I hope you do anyway." Wanting to diffuse the tension a bit she attempts some humor. “And if you don’t, well it was nice getting to know you, I guess.”

It’s a bit immature but Clarke laughs and bumps their shoulders together playfully, seemingly just as happy with some light banter.

"Ouch, harsh! But I’m pretty sure I will like it. I trust you have good taste.”

They watch the movie in relative silence for a while, but after only half an hour Lexa finds it nearly impossible to remain focused on the screen instead of the goddess sitting next to her. She tries to sneak glances over at Clarke as much as she can, subtly checking her reaction to Lexa’s favorite parts, but it's difficult when they're so close together. Her body stiffens when Clarke adjusts her position, moving even closer to Lexa than she was before. Clarke's arm brushes against her own and it sends a rush of heat through her entire body. When Clarke moves away she wants to object but then she realizes Clarke is looking at her coyly, her arm on the back of the couch behind Lexa.

“Do you mind? Just tell me if it’s not okay…” Clarke asks.

All Lexa can do is shake her head while remaining mute. Clarke puts her arm around Lexa's shoulder and pulls her in closer. No, Lexa definitely doesn't mind. In fact, she's pretty sure this is the greatest idea anyone has ever had and she can’t believe it’s happening. She’s watching her favorite movie with the girl she likes and they are _cuddling._ Clarke wants to cuddle with her.

_This is fine. I'm fine. Not having a gay panic attack, nope._

Lexa doesn't know if it means anything, but she tells herself it has to mean something. Clarke likes her, right? She wouldn't be doing this unless she really likes her. Her internal debate stops abruptly the moment Clarke's hand starts moving up and down Lexa's shoulder and arm, leaving a trail of goosebumps and sending a delicious shiver up Lexa’s neck.

_Holy. Shit._

All she can focus on is how good it feels to have Clarke’s arm around her and how the simple stroke of her fingers makes Lexa want to rest her head on Clarke’s shoulder. So she does. Without even thinking about it, she allows her head to fall against Clarke, and though she can’t see it, she’s pretty sure Clarke is smiling right now.

It’s been a long time since she’s felt this. She hasn’t allowed herself to get close to anyone in quite a while, especially in a physical sense. She had forgotten what it’s like just to be held by someone. She didn’t realize how detrimental denying herself the basic human need of physical closeness really is, and definitely didn’t realize how badly she had been craving it until now. And the fact that it’s _Clarke._ That Clarke is the one holding her, breaking down yet another of her many walls, speaks volumes about the true nature of Clarke’s character.

Lexa finds herself feeling even more at ease as the movie continues. It seems Clarke’s presence somehow manages to always soothe her. But before she can lose herself in utter contentment, she realizes which scene is coming up and some of the tension seeps back into her body. She knows this scene well yet she had forgotten about it completely until now because of Clarke’s presence. She may or may not have rewinded this scene a few times, as it caused somewhat of a sexual awakening for her. The infamous ‘lap dance’ scene.

She watches as Arlene seductively starts dancing for Stuntman Mike as he’s seated on a chair in the middle of the bar. From here, the dance only gets sexier as Arlene starts gyrating her hips in a way that somehow defies all logic and gravity. Next to her, Lexa can hear Clarke’s breathing speed up and become more audible. Lexa wants so badly to watch Clarke as she watches the scene, but that would be in poor taste. So she continues watching the screen, listening for little hitches in Clarke’s breath, the gulp as the hot girl on the screen crawls on the floor, and the tiny gasp as Arlene continues gyrating even sexier than before. It’s soft, but every cell in Lexa’s body is attuned to Clarke in this moment. And Lexa hears _everything._ All senses heightened by the way Clarke reacts to the scene playing out in front of them, from the way she swallows thickly to her subtle shifting on the couch, rubbing her thighs together. And it’s _doing_ things to Lexa. So much so that she’s ripped out of her reverie when it becomes a problem.

_Oh shit. No no no, this is not happening. Not now. Fuck!_

She tries to adjust her position without drawing too much attention to herself and while still trying to keep Clarke’s arm around her, even though _that_ certainly isn’t helping her situation, either. She flexes her thigh muscles, hoping it does the trick as it had done before. She closes her eyes and wills her impending erection to go away. Now is not the time for this. She takes a few deep breaths and drowns out the sound of Clarke’s breathing until the situation is finally under control, just when the scene ends. Lexa is calm, glad the crisis has been averted, and Clarke looks a little flushed.

“That was kinda hot,” she whispers, leaning over to Lexa.

“Yeah. I’ll admit I’ve seen that scene more times than I’ve seen the actual movie.” That earns her a chuckle from Clarke.

“I don’t blame you. Wow.”

They both relax back into the couch and Clarke continues tracing patterns on Lexa’s upper arm. Lexa knows it’s not for long, though. Not with the twist in the movie that is coming up. Clarke’s brushing fingers slow down as the plot unfolds and once the end of the first half of the movie plays out she’s gone from gentle touches to squeezing Lexa’s arm.

“Oh my god, what the hell?!” Clarke’s face is almost comically shocked.

“I know, you just can’t prepare for a scene like that.”

“It’s… holy fuck. So savage and brutal, but you have to admire how it’s shot. I feel so conflicted right now. Fuck. I hope that predator gets what he deserves.”

They make it through the rest of the movie without further incident. The only thing that changes is their position on the couch. As much as she didn’t want to detach from Clarke, Lexa’s legs were hurting and sore from her game, Clarke told her to stretch out on the couch with her feet on Clarke’s lap. They stayed like that for the rest of the movie, with Clarke occasionally massaging her feet and ankles. It took every ounce of strength within Lexa to not moan in response.

_Seriously, how perfect is this girl? I could get used to this. I shouldn’t… but I could._

Once the movie has come to an end, Clarke is ecstatic, much to Lexa’s delight. This is why _Death Proof_ is one of her favorites and she had hoped it would have the same effect on Clarke.

“Fuck. I feel like I can put an end to the patriarchy with my bare hands right now! Just you and me, we’d make the best team, don’t you think?”

“Together,” Lexa agrees. She holds out her hand for Clarke to shake, but Clarke grasps her forearm instead, looking serious, like they are forming a real pact.

“I can’t believe I have never seen this movie. Seriously, I love Tarantino’s films and this one has shot its way to the top of my favorites list for sure.” Clarke ponders for a moment and then adds. “It’s a tie with the  _Kill Bill_  movies though, I can watch those any day of the week and they’ll never get old.”

Lexa can’t even pretend to stay cool in the face of this. She knows she must be making very obvious heart-eyes at this point.

“Same here,” she gushes. “I can never pick between this one and _Kill Bill_ , I watch those at least once a year.”

“I think we just made plans for our next movie night,” Clarke says with the biggest smile.

“Wanna watch something else for now?”

“Sure, let me just get us some drinks first.”

Clarke refuses to let Lexa get up to get them fresh drinks and serves her instead. Lexa’s whole body feels heavy from today’s match and she’s openly thankful for Clarke’s attentiveness. Once Clarke joins her on the couch again, she stretches out in front of Lexa, grabs the controller, and starts browsing through Netflix. She honestly doesn’t care what they’ll watch next, having Clarke so close to her while feeling so safe is a better feeling than any entertainment could provide. So Lexa closes her eyes and revels in it, a small content smile curling up her lips.

 

*******

 

Stretching her back a bit until it gives a satisfying pop, Lexa notices something fluffy behind her, and something _very_ warm in front of her. She blinks a few times as the thick fog of sleep slowly drifts from her mind enough to realize she must have fallen asleep on the couch. Looking up at the ceiling, she squints her eyes as she waits for the world to come back into focus in the soft glow of the only light in the room. She stiffens when she turns her head back to the side, her heart pounding in her throat. Suddenly her world only consists of _Clarke_.

Clarke’s soft hair tickling her face, Clarke’s sweet scent in her nose, Clarke’s plush body tucked against her front, and, _oh fuck_ … Clarke’s breast in her hand. Somehow, sometime during the night, her arm must have curled around Clarke. Or did they fall asleep that way? She vaguely remembers Clarke cuddling into her after she selected a movie, but Lexa never actually found out what Clarke had decided on. They must have fallen asleep in this position.

 _Well, obviously not exactly_ this _position…_

Lexa quickly corrects herself by moving her hand down to Clarke’s stomach. A fierce blush crawls up to her face. She hopes Clarke hasn’t noticed what happened, and if she did notice, that she’s not upset. The chances are slim, and Clarke must realize it was an honest mistake. If Clarke had noticed anything she would have corrected Lexa herself.

 _What if she had noticed and_ didn’t _correct me, though?_

She shakes those thoughts from her head. Sleep is already trying to pull her under again. Her body feels like lead after every match and tonight it’s no different. Thoughts of waking up and carrying Clarke to her bed fade from her mind as she falls asleep once more, face buried in Clarke’s shoulder.

 

*******

 

The bright morning light shining on her face through the living room window wakes Clarke up with a groan. All she remembers is cuddling up with Lexa as they started their second movie, but she has no recollection of seeing any of it.

_I must have been more tired than I thought if I passed out cold like that. And cuddling Lexa feels so good, so comfortable…_

She’s pleased to feel the warm puffs of breath on her neck that tell her the object of her affection is still with her. It warms her heart to think that Lexa is comfortable enough to sleep with her. She could have left Clarke on the couch and moved to her own bed. Clarke can’t stop the pleased smile from spreading on her face as she huddles closer to the girl behind her until…

_Oh… wait, what? Is that…? Oh fuck. Oh my…_

Clarke’s eyes go wide and her mouth drops open. Realization hits her all at once. Everything she didn’t understand about Lexa suddenly makes sense. Every encounter Clarke has had with Lexa over the past few weeks flash in front of her eyes as she finally understands the one part of the puzzle that was missing. All the pieces fall into place now that she knows what's causing Lexa to keep her distance and why she takes her time before trusting anyone new. But now Clarke knows, and she understands.

She scoots her lower half forward a little to give Lexa some space, it feels wrong to be pressed against her without her consent. Lexa lets out a sleepy little sigh in Clarke’s neck and gently squeezes the arm she has curled around Clarke's middle. She takes Lexa’s hand and drags it up to her heart as she intertwines their fingers. The last thought she has before she drifts back to sleep in Lexa’s embrace is that she hopes the girl trusts her enough to open up to her soon.

 

*******

 

Still riding the high from her night with Lexa, Clarke spends the rest of her day catching up on errands and tasks that she had neglected the past week. After waking and deciding to go out to breakfast together, Lexa had to cut their morning short in order to work on a project that was due soon. They said their goodbyes with a hug and a promise to hang out again soon.

When she comes home and puts away the groceries she bought earlier, Clarke is about ready to pass out. She changes into her pajamas and climbs into bed, laying there staring at the ceiling, too exhausted to even turn off the light, but too worked up to relax and fall asleep. She rests her hands on her stomach and sighs deeply, remembering the feeling of falling asleep and waking up in Lexa’s arms, being spooned by the girl she loves and how amazing it felt.

_Loves. You’re so fucked, Griffin._

This leads to the memory of feeling Lexa's erection pushing up against her and the moment where everything became clear for Clarke. The reason why Lexa is so reserved and skittish about relationships and wants to take it slow before opening up to people. Now that she had some time to process what she discovered in the early morning, she has come to the same conclusion she came to in that initial moment. It doesn't change anything about her feelings for Lexa. If anything, their movie night, falling asleep together and subsequent breakfast date the next morning made her fall for Lexa even harder. Plus, watching Lexa playing soccer was an incredible turn on for Clarke. She tries not to think about the way Echo was drooling over Lexa during the game and encouraging her from the bleachers. She tries to push down the jealousy that bubbles up to her best ability, brushing aside thoughts of how Lexa feels about Echo. After all, Clarke is the one Lexa took home with her after the game.

The excitement and attraction she feels for Lexa has been apparent from the start and only continues to grow stronger. Her good nature, her passion, her talent, her beauty, the way her mouth pulls into that little half-smile when she tries not to laugh at one of Clarke's lame jokes… those are just a fraction of the things that Clarke adores about this girl. And the fact that Lexa can completely disarm her with one look proves that Clarke is all too willing to go down with this ship.

She wonders when Lexa will be ready to tell her about the secret that's made it so difficult for her to cultivate romantic relationships. She hopes it's sooner rather than later, so Clarke can assure her that she likes her no matter what and this doesn’t change her feelings one bit. In fact, her feelings only keep growing stronger day by day, leaving Clarke anxious and wondering if Lexa truly feels the same or if their off-the-charts chemistry is all in her head. She spent the majority of last night trying to stop herself from kissing Lexa. There were a few opportunities where it could have happened, but she wants to remain respectful and move at Lexa's pace. Though she figured trying to get a little closer to Lexa wouldn’t hurt and she’s glad Lexa seemed to welcome her advances.

That leaves her in her current state of restlessness. It’s not just from today, last night, or the soccer match. It’s the weeks of pining for Lexa put together that has her all worked up and wired—on edge. Meeting Lexa in the club and dancing close to her, watching Lexa play piano for her, painting Lexa’s angelic face, seeing the legendary Commander play live… in that _uniform._

_Fuck, she’s so hot and she doesn't even know it._

Clarke gets worked up all over again thinking about Lexa in her uniform. And now it's all she can picture. After losing track of time for quite a while, daydreaming about Lexa, Clarke realizes her hand has traveled up her shirt. She stops for a moment, feeling vaguely guilty, and tries to calm herself. But she knows there are only two ways to go from here: giving in and taking the edge off, or heading to the gym and try working out her frustration—which she rarely does because it never works.

_Fuck it, I’d better take care of it so I don’t do anything stupid like trying to kiss her before she’s ready._

Her fingers are back under her shirt, brushing against her nipples. She tries to keep Lexa off her mind but as soon as she closes her eyes and touches herself more deliberately, Lexa is there fueling the fire. Shaking her head to clear the image of a sweat-soaked Lexa, she opens her eyes—only to look directly into the forest green eyes she was trying to shake off. She looks at her painting of Lexa where it leans against the wall, and all her self-control flies out the window. Because looking at those bright green, expressive eyes and soft, pink, pouty lips, Clarke loses herself in Lexa completely.

"Fuck," she mumbles as she wets her lips with her tongue.

She studies the face staring back at her. The colors leaping off the canvas are even more vibrant than before, made impossibly brighter by the haze of her arousal. Clarke is suddenly very glad she had the foresight to bring the painting home. Not that she didn't trust that it was safe in the studio, but she liked the idea of keeping Lexa’s painting close to her until her final project is due. It comforts her to have the tiny piece of Lexa she had managed to capture with her.

Her breaths grow shorter as her fingers continue dancing along her chest, squeezing, massaging, pulling, working herself up until her other hand slides down her shorts. She's soaked. She can already feel it before she even touches herself. The moment her middle finger slips through her slick folds and grazes her clit she lets out a gasp and squeezes her eyes shut, hips bucking up to chase the sensation.

Clarke opens her eyes once again to focus on the beauty staring back at her. Her hips start moving as she slides her finger up and down her slit, teasing her entrance, then circling her clit. She can feel the perspiration building at the small of her back as the fingers of her other hand pluck at her nipple, eliciting a tiny moan from the back of her throat. Her fingers swirl around her clit a few more times before gliding down and plunging into her entrance.

She bites her lip and stifles a groan as she pictures Lexa's fingers moving deep inside her. Those talented fingers capable of creating such hauntingly beautiful and deeply moving music that speaks directly to Clarke's soul. Those are the fingers she imagines are inside her, pumping slowly in and out while those full, perfect lips are kissing her.

Her shirt has ridden up her torso, revealing her breasts. She wets the straining tips and blows on them softly, causing a shiver to run down her body. Her left hand still works diligently, fucking herself in a way she knows will get her off fast. She's been too worked up for far too long, and with Lexa on her mind twenty-four seven, this was bound to happen.

She shuts her eyes the moment her fingers reach just the right spot. Her hips move against her hand, trying to add more friction, but it’s not enough, so she adds her other hand to work her clit.

"Fuck, feels so good… so good… Lexa…"

The words pour out of her mouth as her hips move more violently. She can feel her release approaching as she pictures Lexa completely naked on top of her, grinding, groaning, close to coming herself. The visual is too much for Clarke. The thought of Lexa coming— _coming with her—_ is the thought that makes her body clench and quake.

"Oh fuck!"

Her hips lift off the bed as her entire body goes rigid. A whine rips from her throat followed by Lexa's name. She’s clenching so hard her hand can’t move inside her except to press into her front wall while her other hand furiously rubs her clit. When she finally comes down and collapses back onto the bed, she's out of breath and covered in a fine layer of sweat. She contemplates going for a second round, but that thought quickly evaporates in the wake of a big yawn.

Instead, she crawls under the covers, thinking about Lexa. Her beauty, her strength, the way she makes Clarke feel. It’s in this moment Clarke decides that she’s going to remind Lexa of how amazing and beautiful she is as often as she can. And she’s going to start by asking her to model for her again. This time, she’s hoping to take it one step further by seeing if Lexa will agree to pose semi-nude. She doesn’t want to push her and wants to make sure Lexa is ready before telling her, but perhaps it will help Lexa feel a little more comfortable around her. There’s always the chance that she’ll say no, but Clarke’s okay with that. She’ll regret it more if she doesn’t ask.

A small, satisfied smile spreads on her face as she looks back at the painting once more. It's the last thing Clarke sees before falling asleep.

 

*******

 

It’s still dark outside when Lexa suddenly wakes up. She blindly searches for her phone on the nightstand by pawing at it. Once she’s found it she lets out a deep sigh when the bright screen tells her it’s only four in the morning. Turning onto her back with a jaw-cracking yawn, she rubs her eyes groggily and lets her hands fall back onto the bed, which promptly reminds her of why she woke up in the first place.

_Fuck._

Memories of the dream she had been immersed in before waking up come flooding back to her. The dream starred Clarke—her voice, her laugh, her scent, Clarke’s lingering looks and touches, her warm body and plush curves—in a setting very similar to yesterday’s movie night, but a little less innocent. The mental images playing back behind her closed eyelids reignite the insistent throb between her legs in full force.

She ignores what’s going on beneath the sheets and tries to let sleep take over once again, but her heart is thumping slow and hard and thoughts of Clarke are still swimming in her head. She’s trying to think about something else— _anything_ else—with all her might. But she knows it’s a futile attempt since she hasn’t been able to stop thinking about Clarke since they met.

Eventually, she gives in but instead of thinking about the dream she thinks about Clarke and how far they’ve come in such a short time. How comfortable she is with Clarke, even though they met just a few weeks ago. Not a day has gone by since then that her thoughts didn’t drift off towards Clarke. She had never expected to fall for someone this hard, this fast. Her heart rate speeds up at the admission she just made to herself. If she’s honest, she had known since the Friday afternoon soccer match. Seeing Niylah all over Clarke in the stands made her seethe with jealousy, so much so that she almost lost the game because of it, that should have been proof enough. And after last night there is no denying it any longer. She has fallen for Clarke, and it was effortless, painless. It feels like the most natural thing she’s ever done. It feels right.

When the throbbing between her legs starts to hurt she knows falling asleep without taking care of it is not an option. Also aware that if she does this, thoughts of Clarke will be unavoidable, she makes a quick decision and reasons it might be a good thing. If thinking about Clarke makes her uncomfortable it will be clear she’s not ready to tell Clarke, if it _doesn’t_ make her uncomfortable, if it makes her feel good…

_I’ll know if I’m ready._

With her mind made up and the relentless ache near unbearable, she slowly lets her hand travel down her stomach underneath the sheets. A small whimper escapes her lips as she lightly brushes her fingers over her briefs. She dips inside a moment later and groans upon first touch, her whole body flushes with heat from relief and her muscles flex involuntarily. The briefs are too constricting and her burning skin is too hot to be covered so she makes quick work of her tank top and underwear after kicking off the sheets.

_Might as well do it right if I’m gonna do this._

She fans her hair out across the pillow so it doesn’t stick to her neck before she makes herself comfortable on the bed again. The slight draft of cool air flowing in from the cracked window sends a shiver up her body, but as soon as she brings her right hand back between her legs she welcomes the soft breeze. She lets her other hand roam across her torso, fingertips barely touching, teasing the skin.

Lexa is proud of her body. She has always worked hard to maintain and take care of it. Being mindful of what she puts in it and making sure she sweats out everything else often and with iron discipline. She’s a fine balance between hard muscles and round curves, a balance that feels _right._ Even as she’s stroking herself—a part of her that’s brought her grief in the past—with one hand while squeezing the swell of her chest with the other, here, in this moment it doesn’t matter. Sometimes she’s able to put the shame aside, and when she does it feels so _good._

Her thoughts wander back to Clarke like they always do. She thinks about Clarke’s reaction to the steamy scene in the movie they watched, all the heated looks they’ve shared, Clarke’s fingers brushing her upper arm, causing goosebumps to rise all over her body. Clarke squeezing her bicep during intense moments where she got lost in the film, the sideways glances they kept throwing each other and sometimes getting caught doing it. A small smile plays across her lips as she continues stroking absentmindedly, she feels light, relaxed even.

She remembers the feeling of having Clarke’s warm body pressed against her own, fitting snugly together like puzzle pieces. The weight of Clarke’s breast as she cupped it with her hand—by accident of course, but potent all the same—still fresh on her mind. Real life memories merging together with flashbacks of the dream that disturbed her slumber ignite a burning need in her lower abdomen, tingling up her spine.

Lexa can imagine Clarke’s presence so vividly she can almost feel the heat of Clarke’s skin pressed against her own. She imagines Clarke in bed with her, _seeing_ her. With the same hooded gaze Clarke sometimes gives her, taking in her naked form as she lets it roam across Lexa’s features. She feels exposed, but safe. A combination so overwhelming and foreign to her it makes the ache between her legs nearly unbearable. It’s the final push that makes her give in and let the fantasy take over.

Clarke’s mouth is now on her neck, kissing and nipping a hot trail towards her chest. Lexa’s hand squeezes down more firmly as she softly grinds her hips, thrusting through her fist as a few trickles of wetness drip from her head. Her arousal lubricates her all the way from tip to base as she continues her motions, the smooth, wet glide leaves her panting. She wets the fingers of her other hand to tease her nipples as the fantasy of Clarke takes over once again, licking, sucking and lightly scraping her teeth across Lexa’s straining buds. She arches her back off the bed to press herself more firmly against the agonizing sensation that shoots pulses of heat straight from her nipples to her core, causing heavy throbs.

Her breathing is ragged as she thrusts through her fist more forcefully. The fantasy of Clarke is so real she can feel Clarke’s hot breath on her wet skin. Her warm, slick, tongue flicking the straining peaks of her breasts, her teeth scraping across her neck and shoulder. Lexa bites back the moans that are threatening to escape from her mouth, the last thing she wants is for her cousin to hear her and possibly come check on her.

Her thrusts grow frantic as she gets closer to her release. She hears Clarke’s voice crisp and clear against her ear, hot breath setting her skin on fire, encouraging her.

_‘Come for me, Lexa. Come for me’._

She bites her lip hard to stop herself from screaming as she imagines Clarke’s teeth biting down on the crook of her neck, her hand pinching her stiff nipple and Clarke’s plea repeating over and over in her head like a chant. She can’t stifle the groans and whimpers as she releases over her stomach and chest, her entire body taut and wired as she pumps and squeezes until she’s empty and spent.

It takes a long time for her breathing to even out and her vision to return to normal. Before she can cool off too much she wipes herself off with her discarded tank top and throws it in the hamper. She slides the briefs back on and lets herself fall back onto the bed with a content sigh. She feels good, but she can’t help but wish Clarke was with her to share this moment, to hold her and cuddle up to her. The thought that follows is one she knows to be true; she’s ready. She needs to tell Clarke. She _wants_ to tell Clarke.

Saving her nerves about the how and when for another day, she drifts off to sleep with a satisfied smile on her face. The smile is still there as she wakes up to a text from Clarke in the morning, asking her to model for another painting.

She says yes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> We hope you enjoyed this chapter and can't wait to hear your thoughts on it!
> 
> Come talk to us on tumblr [@syngularitysyn](https://syngularitysyn.tumblr.com/) (any fic asks will be answered by us both :))


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get intense for Lexa when she poses for Clarke to do another painting. Clarke does everything she can to make Lexa as comfortable as possible after a daring request. Will Lexa finally tell Clarke or will her fear cause her to run?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello dear readers! We worked really hard on this chapter and we hope it shows. It pretty much has everything; steam, fluff, angst, and more fluff. Enjoy :)

Once again, Clarke finds herself standing in front of the door at the end of the hall in the music building. Her body buzzes with excitement knowing what’s waiting for her on the other side. She softly raps her knuckles against the wood and enters upon Lexa’s response. When she sees Lexa look up from the piano and greet her with a sweet smile, Clarke is sure that she will never, ever get used this. She’ll never get used to Lexa’s beauty, her smile, her genuine heart, or the way she makes Clarke feel.

“Clarke, hi.”

“Hey you.” She smiles back.

She wants to go in for a hug, and even though it’s a bit awkward with Lexa sitting on the bench, Clarke wraps her arms around Lexa’s waist from behind and gives her a soft squeeze and a quick kiss on the cheek. The flush on Lexa’s face blooms too fast for her to hide as she shyly looks down.

“Thanks for meeting with me.”

“Of course. I had some time to practice this piece I’m studying before my next class.” Lexa flashes her a soft smile and turns back to look at her sheet music. “Besides, I wanted to see you again. I had a really good time Friday night.”

Clarke has to bite her tongue not to let her heart do all the talking, even though she wants to shout, ' _Omg! Me too! Let’s do that every night for the rest of our lives!’._ Instead, Clarke puts down her bag and takes a seat on the chair closest to Lexa.

“Me too, I had a great time,” she says fondly, and quickly follows it up with what she’s here for.

“I wanted to talk to you about the new painting.”

Lexa is still looking at her sheet music, and instead of replying to Clarke, she softly starts playing the piece she’s studying. Clarke grabs her pencil and paper from her bag and begins to sketch Lexa once again. It has become one of her favorite pastimes. When she has the rough outline of Lexa’s side profile on the paper, Lexa speaks up.

“What did you have in mind?”

Clarke stops drawing for a moment, not expecting Lexa to say anything while playing. She’s too lost in the music and her thoughts to find the words she practiced earlier. When Lexa glances to the side to look at her, Clarke’s breath is stolen away for a moment and she briefly forgets how to exist with those green eyes looking at her expectantly.

_Oh, right. The painting._

“Well, you were such an incredible model last time. A muse, really.” She can feel her cheeks get warm at the confession. “And I typically paint faces, but with you, I feel like I can really take a chance. Maybe I can explore more, paint more of you. If you’re willing, maybe you could pose semi-nude for me…”

Clarke tried to make it sound casual, but if the dissonant note Lexa just hit—before stopping altogether—is any indication, she wasn’t smooth enough.

Lexa watches her for a moment, contemplating Clarke’s words. She opens her mouth a few times to say something, but nothing comes out. After her fourth attempt to speak, Lexa turns back to the piano and starts the piece from the beginning.

“So,” Lexa begins as she finally finds her voice again while she plays, “what does posing semi-nude entail?”

Clarke grins, loving how stoic Lexa remains, even after being asked to pose semi-nude.

“I’m okay with whatever you’re comfortable with. You can set the parameters.”

Lexa nods as she continues playing.

“Will I be tastefully covered?”

“Of course, that’s the ‘semi’ part.”

That earns her a soft chuckle. Clarke continues sketching her as the music fills the room. She tries to focus on the drawing instead of staring at Lexa, completely enthralled with her talent.

“Will we be in the studio next door again?”

“Actually, I was thinking we should do it at my house.” She wants to smack herself for her poor choice of words, but it doesn't look like Lexa noticed so she continues. “I figured it would be more comfortable for you than at the studio, we’ll have a lot more privacy.”

_Damnit Griffin, stop saying suggestive shit!_

As the music builds and Lexa has to focus more on her playing, Clarke can feel the goosebumps forming on her arms and she wonders if her thirst for Lexa is blatantly obvious. She doesn’t do a very good job at hiding it. When the swell of the music dies down, Clarke continues.

“It can be whatever you want. We can show a bit of side-boob. Or just your bare back.” She tries to stay professional and not to stumble on her words. “I would just love to paint you again… more of you.”

Lexa lets the last note fade and sits for a moment, contemplating her answer. Clarke is afraid she may be asking too much and prepares herself for rejection, but she waits silently for Lexa to talk. The paper in her hand is growing moist from the sweat on her palms as she nervously grips it.

Lexa finally turns to face her.

“I trust you, Clarke. I don’t want you to think I don’t. But I don’t know how comfortable I’ll feel… what’s that?”

Lexa stops mid-sentence and points to the sheet of paper in Clarke’s hand.

“Oh, it’s just a sketch.”

“Of me?”

Clarke bites her lips and nods.

“You’re kind of the only person I want to draw these days. You make it easy.”

“Can I see it?”

Clarke stands up and hands her the sketch as Lexa stands up and studies it.

“Wow. I’ll never get over how talented you are, Clarke.”

“I could say the same thing about you. What was that piece called?”

“It’s from a song that was used in _The Matrix._ ”

“It’s beautiful.”

Lexa continues studying the sketch.

“So is this. How do you do this? How do you capture me like this in a way that makes me feel… okay with myself?”

“Like I said, you make it really easy.”

Lexa thinks for a moment, then looks up at Clarke and smiles.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah, let’s do the painting. I’m free Wednesday afternoon.”

“Oh wow. That’s great! Yes. Wednesday afternoon is perfect.” Clarke uses every ounce of strength she has not to pull Lexa into a hug and kiss her. “Do you want to go grab a coffee and discuss some ideas for it?”

“I’d really like to, but I actually have a class to get to. Rain check?” Lexa looks apologetic as she gathers her sheet music and packs her bag.

“Oh, of course, I forgot.” Clarke quickly stuffs her sketchbook in her own bag to join Lexa at the door.

“Come on. I’ll walk you out,” Lexa says as she holds out her hand for Clarke to take.

Clarke swallows hard to keep a tight lid on the swarm of butterflies fluttering in her stomach at Lexa’s gesture, before they make her do something stupid like _swoon_ or blurt out that she’ll follow Lexa anywhere. The feelings this girl gives her are unlike anything she felt before. Especially when her fingers intertwine with Lexa’s, she knows they are written all over her face. Before she has time to panic about making Lexa uncomfortable, Lexa’s sweet smile eases her worries. And walking side by side through the long hallway, Clarke thinks to herself that it’s okay, that she wants Lexa to know how much she affects her.

 

*******

 

Dripping with sweat after another grueling practice session in preparation for the match against Azgeda University next week, Lexa enters the empty locker room, bolts the door, and shucks off her uniform. Her teammates have long gone home in the time Lexa spent working out after their training. She knows she’s pushing herself hard, but when the match against Mount Weather turned out to be anything but the easy victory she thought it would be, she has to bring everything to the table this time.

Now naked, Lexa grabs a fresh towel, underwear, and her shower bag from her locker and walks to the last stall in the showers like usual. She prefers to wait until she’s alone before showering and only skips her post training workout if she’s pressed for time. None of her teammates know she’s intersex and as far as she can tell none of them suspect anything. They most likely assume she’s shy about her body or a prude and either is fine by her. She turns on the shower, grits her teeth and steps under the icy stream. When she can’t take it any longer she turns up the temperature till it’s bearable.

She thinks about the upcoming match against Azgeda. It’s going to be a tough one for sure. Not just because they are a capable team and are notoriously ruthless on the field, but also for Lexa personally. Her previous run-ins with Azgeda’s best defender, Ontari, have made Lexa terrified of the girl. All it took was one clash in front of the Azgedan goal during a corner kick, when Ontari fell on top of her with a hand between her legs. Lexa’s expression must have been one of blind panic when Ontari looked at her.  
  
Making sure that Lexa knew that she _knows,_ Ontari didn’t take away her hand. Instead, she squeezed hard while pushing herself up, making Lexa curl up in pain. It was only a moment, neither the referee or anyone else had seen anything. Ontari stood over her with a wicked smile on her face as she took in Lexa’s pained expression and wet eyes, sending shivers of fear down Lexa’s spine. She knows she’s vulnerable without protection, but she’s too afraid to wear a cup that causes an obvious bulge, so she wears compression shorts instead. Since then, Ontari has been hell-bent on repeating the action every time their teams met. Lexa guessed she wanted to cause a serious injury and take her out of the game. She couldn’t even think about the possibility of Ontari telling other people about her.

In the days after that match, Lexa had thought of confiding in her teammates about what happened, but ultimately decided against it. She can’t think about telling her team yet. She wasn’t ready then, and she still isn’t ready now. Besides, she wants to tell Clarke first. She wonders if today is the day she’ll find the right moment to have that talk. She ponders whether she should do it before they start the painting, or if it would be better to wait till they’re done. After will probably be the more comfortable option but since she’ll be showing more skin, there is something to be said for doing it beforehand. She turns up the heat of the shower and grabs her shampoo, massaging the product into her hair before rinsing it out under the warm stream.

Her thoughts drift off to the painting session one hour from now. She still has to decide on how much skin she’s willing to show for Clarke. She’s not quite sure why she agreed to pose semi-nude. If someone had told her a few weeks ago that she was going to pose semi-nude she would have snorted, called them a liar, and told them she wouldn’t do that in a million years. Yet here she is, cleaning herself up to take her clothes off for Clarke so the girl can immortalize her half naked form. Stripping her lower body is out of the question, so hopefully Clarke will be satisfied if only her shirt comes off. She decides to wait and see how comfortable she’ll be later to determine exactly how much skin she will cover and how much she will show.

Stepping away from the stream before setting the temperature as hot as it can go, she takes a generous amount of body wash and rubs it onto her skin while kneading the muscles underneath. She studies her own features and can’t help but wonder how Clarke will react to her body. The prospect of Clarke looking at her body the way she looked at her face during the first session is terrifying, but strangely exciting at the same time, and she knows it’s only because it’s _Clarke._

The fear of being exposed before Clarke mixed with the desire to be seen by Clarke makes her head spin. Nerves swoop and swirl in her belly but that’s not all, there are clear stabs of arousal piercing through her core and between her legs. The sudden need combined with the thick, hot steam rising from the shower has her hard in an instant.

She presses her back against the cool tiles of the shower wall to stabilize herself. Instead of her usual reluctance and habit of ignoring or trying to get rid of it, she's surprised by how welcome it feels this time. She had already contemplated in the past few days that it would probably be wise to take care of things _before_ making herself vulnerable in front of Clarke, to avoid exactly what’s happening right now. If her first experience with Clarke studying her features is anything to go by, adding more skin into the mix and having Clarke focus on her body instead of just her face will certainly make a repeat incident of the first time highly likely. And this time it would be much more difficult to control it.

Before Clarke, she didn’t have to deal with this particular problem very often, once in a blue moon maybe. She had even turned to the internet and YouTube for asexual information and questioned her sexuality for a while as a teenager. The effect Clarke has had on her mind and body from the moment they met is like nothing Lexa has ever experienced before, effectively erasing all doubts teenage Lexa had about herself.

When her whole body is soaped up and glistening, she finally wraps her hand around herself, causing a heavy throb. She's sensitive and full and her breath leaves her in short, shallow pants. This will not be like the weekend after their sleepover, she will not have to work much to take the edge off, as she’s already close to it.

Masturbation has never been something she does often, not feeling the drive to do so. If she did use her hand on herself it was to satiate a basic need more than anything, and more often than not, that urge was taken care of by wet dreams. Since meeting Clarke however, the activity has turned into a much more pleasurable and exciting experience for her.

_Clarke._

She looks down at herself, hoping that Clarke will accept her body for what it is when she tells her she was born different. Something inside her inherently trusts Clarke to be understanding. As she speeds up the pace of her hand, the decision to have the talk today solidifies in her head. She’s not sure if she'll do it before or after the session, but the decision is made. After that, her thoughts about Clarke wander until her ears turn red hot and her moans bounce off the shower walls as she spills over into her hand.

Feeling satisfied and secure that she’ll have her body under control the rest of the day, she rinses and dries herself. She slips on the outfit she has selected for the modeling session and inserts Clarke’s address into the navigation app on her phone. Her nerves are as good as gone as she drives away.

 

*******

 

Lexa’s confidence in her control over her body and nerves evaporates the moment the door to Clarke’s apartment opens. It would’ve been a solid plan if this session was just like the last time, but Lexa immediately knows that this won’t be anything like that time when she slowly looks up from where she was staring at the floor. She swallows thickly once she processes that Clarke opened the door barefoot, dressed in a thin, shiny, black robe. Her eyes linger on the tiny knot in the matching belt wrapped around Clarke’s waist. All it would take is one little tug for it to come apart, but Lexa doesn’t let herself dwell on that thought for too long. She starts to think that maybe she showed up too early, but the eager smile on Clarke’s face as she pulls her inside and locks the door behind them proves otherwise.

“Welcome to my humble abode. It’s not much, but it’s home.”

Lexa looks around and immediately feels a warmth about the place. It smells like lilac with a hint of vanilla and faint traces of paint. It’s not particularly tidy and Lexa can tell Clarke attempted to clean up before her arrival. She appreciates the gesture, but she has a feeling that Clarke thrives in an environment of comfortable chaos.

“I like it. It’s nice, it feels like you.”

“Please, make yourself at home. Do you want something to drink?”

“Just water, thanks.”

As Clarke goes into the kitchen, Lexa unzips her hoodie to reveal the tight white tank top underneath. She chose this shirt on purpose, partially because she runs especially hot after her training, but also because it doesn’t leave much to the imagination and she thought it would help her get comfortable with Clarke before she takes her shirt off. She begrudgingly has to admit to herself that another reason for wearing this shirt without a bra is to see if Clarke reacts to it. It will certainly boost her confidence if she does.

_And do I ever need a boost right now._

When Clarke returns from the kitchen she slows her step for a moment, her lips part and she blinks her eyes a few times as she takes Lexa in.

_Score._

Clarke hands a bottle of water to Lexa and leans against the back of her couch. Lexa gratefully accepts the drink and tries to hide her smug grin the best she can around the opening of the bottle. The way Clarke looks at her has drains the moisture from her mouth. Clarke seems to have the same problem as she awkwardly clears her throat.

“I guess we should talk before we begin?”

“Sure.”

“I want you to know that if at any time you get uncomfortable, we can stop. And if you don’t like the pose or the amount of skin shown, please tell me and we’ll change it. Your comfort is my priority here. I want to paint you, but only for as long as you’re okay with it.”

Lexa instantly feels the tension she didn’t know she was carrying in her shoulders disappear. How does Clarke keep doing this? Making her feel comfortable even when she’s about to take off her clothes in front of a girl. A girl she likes very much. A prospect that should terrify her but really, she’s more curious about what Clarke’s reaction will be than she is scared of exposing herself.

“Are you still up for it?”

“Yes, I’m ready. I’ve actually been looking forward to it, I had fun last time.”

“Well I’m glad, I would’ve been devastated if you didn’t… you being my muse and all.” Clarke smiles at her with her tongue trapped between her teeth. “Okay, follow me.” Clarke takes her hand and guides her through a door and then down a hallway.

“Do you have your own studio here?”

“Sort of, yeah. This place comes with a bedroom and a small office which I turned into a little studio.”

Lexa smiles down at their joined hands. She walks into Clarke’s studio space. The smell of paint—which she has come to love—is stronger here. She lets her eyes travel over the works that line the walls. There is daylight pouring in from a big window covered by a thin curtain on one side of the room. The rest of the space is completely covered in drawings and paintings, one of which is of her own face, the result of their first session. It reminds Lexa of how touched she was to look at herself through Clarke's eyes.

“I’ll never get over how talented you are, Clarke.”

“Most of these are just me messing around, they’re not really meant to see the light of day… but thank you.”

Lexa continues to look around the room until her eyes come to rest on the chaise lounge in one corner, and the easel holding a canvas that’s set up in front of it. She feels a pang of nervousness in her stomach that it’s really going to happen, but it’s mixed with something else entirely. She can do this. She can definitely do this and she finds herself excited to get started.

“Go ahead and have a seat,” Clarke suggests, pointing at the lounge. “Let’s find a pose first. Something you’ll be comfortable holding and then we can discuss clothes.”

Lexa sits down on the couch and takes off her sneakers and socks. The room is just the right temperature, not too warm and not too cold, comfortable. Clarke really has thought of everything, she thinks to herself. She lifts her legs onto the couch and settles with her side against the rest, her body turned toward the canvas, one arm slung over the back. Clarke is rummaging around with her paint and palette when Lexa speaks up.

“Something like this?”

Judging by Clarke’s hungry look and the way she wets her lips, Lexa mentally gives herself a small pat on the back.

“Yes, that’s good… I like your left arm right there.” Clarke walks over to her and takes her other hand. “Can I?”

Lexa nods, reveling in Clarke’s soft touch. She places Lexa’s other hand on the side of the couch and takes a few steps back to take in the bigger picture. She moves Lexa’s body and stands back to check until she’s happy with what she sees, occasionally asking if Lexa is still comfortable. Lexa ends up in a pose with her right leg drawn up, her right arm resting on her thigh, and her left hand lightly supporting her head. She memorizes her position, knowing she’ll need to move a bit to take her shirt off.

“So, have you thought about the amount of skin you’d be comfortable with showing?”

_Right, here we go…_

“Yes, I have. I’m okay with going topless… if that’s okay? Or is that too much?” Lexa suddenly realizes Clarke never really specified how much skin was _too_ much. The uncertainty must be audible in her voice because Clarke’s reply comes out rushed.

“No, that’s fine! I mean that’s great. Perfect. More than I expected.” Clarke frowns and rubs her forehead. “I’m sorry, that came out wrong. You caught me by surprise is all, but it’s a very nice surprise. I’d be honored to paint you topless. Just remember that if at any point you change your mind, you can put your top back on, okay? Take your time, I’ve already got everything set up we so can start whenever you’re ready.”

Lexa chuckles at Clarke’s flustered babbling, but her words are also very reassuring. It gives her the confidence she needs to dive right in and pull her top off.

_Like removing a band-aid._

She revels in Clarke’s gasp, her hooded eyes fixated on Lexa’s chest, and her parted lips as she drinks Lexa in. It feels… good.

“Ready.”

Clarke clears her throat and averts her eyes. “I, um. I can see that…”

Though before Lexa can start feeling too smug, Clarke unfastens her robe and lets the smooth fabric fall to the floor, revealing her black underwear and so much creamy skin that Lexa has to swallow hard in order not to drool. She’s completely thrown off her game and finds herself stammering the same way Clarke just did.

_Holy shit. What is she… oh fuck, her body… it's so... don’t stare, don’t stare!_

“Clarke, wha… what are you doing?”

Clarke shrugs, making her breasts bounce a little and oh god, Lexa’s staring. Clarke clearly tries to hide her amusement and Lexa knows she must be wide-eyed and red-faced.

“I figured this would make us both exposed and vulnerable. It only seemed fair to me.”

Clarke is right, it does make her feel more comfortable now that the balance is more equal. She just hopes that it won’t bring along an entirely different problem. Like the way Clarke is now walking over to her suddenly makes her tongue feel like it’s too big for her mouth. Or the way Clarke bends over, breasts spilling over the top of her bra and how Lexa can’t tear her eyes away until Clarke speaks.

“Just one more thing, then we can begin, okay?”

Lexa nods, knowing she can't trust her voice right now, lost in the deep pools of Clarke’s eyes. She wants to look away but they’re so close, Clarke is everywhere. She sees her own flush reflected on Clarke’s cheeks, hot puffs of her breath lightly touching Lexa’s face. Lexa holds her breath as Clarke reaches out with her left hand and brings it behind Lexa’s head, raking her fingers lightly over Lexa’s scalp down to her neck to bring her hair over her shoulder. She rearranges Lexa’s hair in a way that some strands drape over her right breast.

“Perfect.”

Clarke stands up and smiles at her, seemingly keeping her cool a lot better than Lexa in such close proximity. Lexa quietly takes a deep breath when Clarke turns around to walk back to the canvas. She bites her cheek and closes her eyes, staring at Clarke’s ass is not an option—however tempting it may be—she has to maintain this pose and she wants to be professional. Clarke may have been a bit flustered before but her professionalism has allowed Lexa to keep it together so far.

Lexa watches Clarke as she sets up her paints on the palette in her right hand. She tries to look as casual as possible while Clarke busies herself arranging the colors. Her hands fidget and she’s parched again, but her water is long gone. Clarke turns to face her and gives her an encouraging smile. Lexa doesn't understand how Clarke can be so calm about this whole situation, but then again, she’s an artist. She’s used to this kind of thing. And her demeanor makes Lexa thankful. Clarke’s ability to put her at ease is one of the many things she adores about her.

“Where do you want me to look?”

“For now you can look wherever you want, but when the time comes to paint your eyes you’ll have to look at me for a bit, okay?”

“Alright, I can do that.”

Soon enough, Clarke connects her brush with the canvas for the first time and Lexa lets her thoughts drift off, letting Clarke work in deep concentration like she did during their first session. Lexa finds herself studying Clarke once again while she works, watching her face as she slips into hyper-focus, forgetting the world around her. The adorable crinkle between her brows when she’s in thought, the tip of her tongue peeking from her lips when she’s working on getting a detail _just_ right. The way she taps the other end of the brush against her chin when she’s contemplating something.

Lexa listens to the instrumental music Clarke has selected as a backdrop, each track seems to last well over ten minutes and Lexa is impressed, she’s hard to please when it comes to music but she’s loving Clarke’s selection. The music sets the perfect ambiance and is intricate enough for Lexa to lose herself trying to keep track of all the different layers that make up each piece. They continue like this for nearly two hours that only feel like thirty minutes to Lexa. After Clarke is done painting her eyes, Lexa is glad she no longer has to fight the urge to bite her lip while Clarke keeps making eye contact.

Clarke’s gaze travels lower and lower as time goes on, and Lexa feels the room gradually getting hotter. It isn’t until she senses Clarke’s eyes low on her stomach, taking in her abs and putting them on the canvas, that she feels warmth start to pool in her belly. The churning in her core makes her skin flash with heat. She drops her eyes and bites her tongue, but she _knows_ Clarke is still watching. If the problem that has plagued her since she met Clarke should arise once more, she’d have nowhere to hide. It’s the fact that Clarke’s attention is so close, more than anything, that triggers these feelings. Lexa isn’t leering at Clarke’s body, it has taken some effort but she has kept her gaze from roaming Clarke’s exposed skin. And Clarke has remained professional even while painting her breasts. But she’s powerless to stop the ball of fire that’s slowly growing low in her belly.

She flexes her thighs, desperately trying to keep her body under control. She can see Clarke raising an eyebrow when her abs are drawn taut as a result. It must appear to Clarke as if she’s trying to show off her muscles. Sweat sprouts from her skin as her shallow breaths speed up. Her throat feels constricted but she can’t seem to swallow the knot. She needs to think of something fast— _anything—_ but her brain is rapidly abandoning rational thought as panic starts taking over. She closes her eyes and takes in as much air as she can before mumbling her apology to Clarke.

“I’m not feeling very good. I’m sorry, Clarke… I have to go.”

Her vision is spotty, black creeping in from the edges as she tries to get dressed, and there is a thick blanket of fog covering her ears. She vaguely registers Clarke’s voice but it can’t cut through. Her thoughts are spinning out of control and she’s too dizzy to break free from the chant.

_Must cover up, must get out, must cover up, must get out._

 

*******

 

Clarke puts down her pencil and palette and repeats her request for Lexa to please wait, but it doesn’t seem to come through to the distraught looking girl. She grabs her robe and rushes over to Lexa who’s still sitting on the couch, fumbling with her tank top. She quickly drapes her robe around Lexa’s body, making sure she’s entirely covered, before handing Lexa her own half-finished bottle of water. That seems to bring her back a little. A quivering hand emerges from inside the robe and wraps around the bottle. Clarke twists off the cap and helps Lexa guide it to her lips. After a few small sips, Lexa lowers the bottle and takes a shaky breath. Clarke grabs Lexa’s tank top which has fallen to the floor and puts it on herself to cover up a bit before she kneels in front of Lexa.

“Lexa… what do you need?”

Clarke tries to keep as calm as possible, not wanting to put any kind of pressure on Lexa. She wants Lexa to know that she’s willing to do anything for her, even if there is nothing she can do except to just _be there_. She doesn’t get a reply, but Lexa’s breathing deepens, becomes less ragged, and with it, her hands stop trembling as much. Her eyes slowly regain focus, no longer as clouded, until they finally connect with Clarke’s. She swallows a few times and then brings the water bottle back to her lips. Clarke supports her until the last sip has disappeared down Lexa’s throat. She takes the bottle and stands up to get Lexa a refill.

“I’ll be right back with some more water, okay?”

Lexa has her eyes closed when Clarke turns around to go to the kitchen, but before she can take a step, Lexa’s clammy fingers wrap around her wrist.

“Please. Don’t go.”

Lexa’s voice is uncharacteristically soft and shaky. Clarke turns back around to find Lexa looking up at her with wide eyes and her lips slightly parted in a silent plea. The late afternoon sunlight illuminates her face, lighting up her green eyes and trembling lower lip, and she looks fragile, but so stunning. Clarke’s heart _hurts_ as she takes in the beauty of the girl who owns it. She sits down next to Lexa, fingers entwined with the hand that reached out for her.

“Anything you need, Lexa. You can tell me what you need, you’re safe.”

She had noticed a shift in Lexa’s behavior, but initially she thought it was harmless fidgeting from sitting still for so long. Thinking back on it now, she has suspicions as to what happened, but it’s only important if Lexa chooses to bring it up. Lexa still hasn’t quite settled down, bobbing her left knee and fumbling with Clarke’s fingers, but Clarke suspects that covering her up made the difference. She gently squeezes Lexa’s hand where they are still joined and starts rubbing soothing circles on Lexa’s back with her left. Lexa leans into her a little with a small sigh and Clarke curses the butterflies in her stomach, because now is not the time.

“I’m sorry.” Is what Lexa croaks after a while. “I’m sorry for breaking out of the pose—”

Clarke cuts off any apology Lexa was about to make. “Don’t worry about it, you are much more important than a painting. But if it makes you feel any better, it’s pretty much finished.”

Lexa does seem to feel much better after hearing that, letting her shoulders relax a bit more.

“I can get you some painkillers if you need, or you can lie down on my bed and take a nap if you want.”

“Aspirin won’t help. I, um… I need to tell you something, Clarke.”

Clarke watches Lexa’s troubled expression, noticing the expansion of her chest on a deep inhale followed by a sharp exhale. Lexa visibly tries to gather her courage and Clarke _knows_ what’s coming. She knows that this means Lexa trusts her, she trusts her enough to open up to her. A little voice in Clarke’s head adds that Lexa _possibly_ wants to take a chance with her.

“You can tell me anything. I really like you, Lexa. There is nothing you can say that could change that, I promise,” she says, trying to encourage her.

Lexa looks hopeful for a moment but then her expression turns solemn. “There might be something that will… and I won’t blame you if it does change things for you.”

Clarke is determined to prove Lexa wrong, but she's silent for a really long time, opening her mouth a few times like she’s about to say something before changing her mind. When she feels Lexa’s panic set in again by the way her foot tapping and breathing speeds up, Clarke gently squeezes Lexa’s shoulder and leans a bit closer.

“It’s okay, Lexa… it doesn’t change how I feel about you… nothing does, nothing will.”

 _That_ pulls Lexa out of her thoughts and into the present. When she turns her head to face Clarke her eyes are wide with shock and confusion, but it doesn’t take long until they grow wet with unspoken emotion.

“You knew?”

Clarke nods, giving her a small smile that she hopes is reassuring. “Our movie night—”

“I’m sorry I touched your boob, It happened while I was asleep—” Lexa shuts her mouth when she notices the confused crinkle of Clarke's brows.

“That’s not... wait, what?” Realization dawns on them both and Lexa quickly faces away from her, but Clarke decides to continue without getting derailed, filing the confession away for later. “When I woke up in the early morning, we were curled up together on the couch, and I couldn’t help but… feel you.”

Lexa blinks slowly and lets her gaze drop to her lap, looking forlorn and defeated. Clarke reaches out and gently cradles Lexa’s cheek in her hand so they are facing each other again.

“I don’t care, Lexa. This doesn’t change anything. You’re you and that’s all that matters. You’re a beautiful, wonderful human being.”

She guesses Lexa must be thinking through the implications of what she just said. Clarke has known for a while and nothing changed. She even asked Lexa to model again because she simply can’t help herself and there is no one else she’d rather paint and spend her time with. Lexa is silent but her face tells Clarke everything she needs to know. When a single tear rolls down Lexa’s cheek, Clarke pulls her into a hug which Lexa accepts gratefully, wrapping her arms around Clarke with a quiet sob.

Clarke kisses the side of her head. She still has questions but they aren’t important and the answers won’t change how she feels. She trusts Lexa will explain more when she’s ready, when she’s had the time to get used to Clarke knowing. In the end, it doesn’t matter to Clarke whether Lexa is cis, trans, or intersex, all she knows and cares about is how Lexa makes her feel. Lexa is still clutching to her, holding onto her for dear life until she eventually loosens her grip and murmurs a thank you into Clarke’s shoulder. Clarke tells her again that she accepts Lexa for who she is, the most interesting, talented and beautiful person Clarke has ever met, until Lexa finally relaxes.

“Thank _you_ for trusting me, I know how hard that is for you,” she says into the crook of Lexa’s neck.

Lexa swallows thickly. “I mean it, Clarke. Thank you for accepting me… I never thought I would find…“ She trails off, not being able to find the words to express herself, but Clarke can _feel_ what she means and it breaks her heart that Lexa thinks of herself as unlovable.

“You have.”

She squeezes Lexa tight once more and then cups her face with one hand, pressing her lips to Lexa’s slightly damp cheek. When she slowly pulls away, Lexa is suddenly facing her, their mouths only inches apart. Their breaths mingle and Clarke feels frozen in time until Lexa presses her lips to Clarke’s. The kiss is soft and hopeful and only lasts for a brief moment, but it’s enough to make Clarke feel like she can float away any second, as a tidal wave of fluttering erupts in her belly.

She feels shy but she fights the urge to look away. The need to reassure Lexa that this is okay and that she _wants_ this is stronger, and motivates her to keep eye contact with Lexa before moving in to kiss her again. A little longer and a bit deeper than the first time to make sure her feelings can’t be misunderstood. Lexa’s lips are soft, warm, and sweet, and connected to her own they feel like home. Realization sinks in for Clarke that something _did_ change today, but it wasn’t what Lexa thought it would be; it’s this kiss. When they eventually break apart, another tear rolls down Lexa’s face. Clarke wipes it away with her thumb. She knows it’s been quite an eventful day and she wants Lexa to calm down and feel good more than anything. After a short moment she finds the perfect way to relieve the tension.

“So… let’s rewind a bit. You were touching my boob and I missed out? Damn it.”

Lexa’s chuckle is like music to her ears.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as we enjoyed writing it. It was definitely a pivotal moment for Clexa. Next chapter will bring some angst. Please let us know your thoughts!
> 
> Follow us on tumblr [@syngularitysyn](https://syngularitysyn.tumblr.com/) (any fic asks will be answered by both of us :))


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa faces her arch nemesis on the soccer field, Clarke faces people from her past on the stands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for being patient with us. We know this update took quite a while. Vacations and life and whatnot got in the way of our writing, but now we’re back and ready to update more regularly. We hope you enjoy this chapter! Even if it does bring the angst... next chapter will make up for it ;)

On her way to the field for the match against Azgeda University, Lexa knows her body should be buzzing with adrenaline and nerves to face Arkadia’s arch nemesis. Instead, her body is humming with warm, fuzzy feelings of affection as she looks down to where her fingers are intertwined with Clarke's. They stroll in relative silence, enjoying the sun rays that peek from behind the clouds and warm their skin.

Today has been a pretty good day so far. She had surprised Clarke with a homemade lunch before their final period of the day. After their last class, Clarke had picked her up to walk her to the soccer field. But before they went on their way, Clarke had come into her music room and closed the door behind her. Lexa stood and watched as Clarke had slung off her bag and promptly lifted her shirt over her head. It had taken a good long while before she snapped out of her stupor and remembered that Clarke had texted her the day before to ask her if she could bring her an extra soccer shirt for the match.

Clarke just chuckled as Lexa shook her head to tear her eyes away from where they were glued to Clarke’s generous cleavage and lacy red bra. She had wordlessly turned around to fish the black and red shirt out of her bag and handed it to Clarke. Lexa had immediately confirmed it looked good on Clarke once she had it on.

But now that she’s doing a closer inspection while Clarke looks around with a happy smile on her face, Lexa feels the need to ask someone to pinch her. Because here she is, walking hand in hand with the most beautiful girl on campus who is wearing _her_ shirt with the name “WOODS” in capital letters and a large number eight on the back. It’s like a dream. Especially since the shirt—which is already tight on her—is clinging to Clarke in a way that makes Lexa’s mouth water. She’ll have to ask her coach Marcus Kane for a new spare shirt, because even if Clarke gives this one back, the front will never fit right on her ever again. Besides, she _wants_ Clarke to keep this shirt.

Clarke catches her staring at her chest again and gives her a wry smirk. “You like seeing your number on them, don’t you?”

“I do,” she confesses, unable to meet Clarke’s eyes.

Even though she still turns into a flustered shy mess around Clarke, and they haven’t discussed what is going on between them yet, there is no point hiding how much Clarke affects her anymore. And Clarke seems to puff out her chest just a tiny fraction at Lexa’s admission.

When they reach the locker room, Clarke pulls her in for a hug. Lexa wraps her arms around Clarke’s lower back and breathes in the sweet scent of Clarke’s shampoo.

“You’ve worked so hard these past few weeks. Lincoln told me all about how important this match is. I know you can beat them, babe. I believe in you.”

_‘Babe’? Omg, Clarke called me ‘babe’. Stay cool, Lex… don’t freak out._

“Thanks, Clarke. That really means a lot. Even if we win, it won’t be an easy victory… Ontari will make sure of that.”

“Sounds like there is some history there. Who is she?”

“She’s… she…” Lexa struggles to find the right words. If there was enough time to tell Clarke, she would. But the rest of her team is already inside so she needs to be quick. “Let’s just say she knows my weak spots and she makes sure I don't forget it.”

Clarke hums into her shoulder. “You can tell me some other time. If you want to.” She pulls away to face Lexa, their arms still holding each other. Clarke looks worried. “Please be safe.”

“I’ll try. I better get inside now.”

Before she can think too much and start to feel awkward like goodbyes usually make her feel, Clarke leans in and gives her the sweetest kiss, lingering for a few precious seconds.

“I’m gonna find our friends, I want to have the best seat in the house to root for my favorite… and so I can check her out of course. Bye!”

Clarke skips off before Lexa can find her voice to respond. She watches Clarke as she walks away and hears her phone chime just as Clarke slips around the corner. She half expects the message to be another tease from Clarke or an encouragement from Anya or Lincoln, but it’s not from any of them.

Lexa opens the message from the unknown sender.  
  
She keeps staring at the three emojis on the screen. Soccer ball, eggplant, fist. Her initial reaction is to laugh, but then realization dawns on her and she nearly drops her phone. Sweat breaks out on her neck and a chill runs down her spine. Behind her, a door opens, and she can hear Luna call for her. She quickly presses the home button to make the text message disappear before Luna pops up beside her.

“Hey, what’s up? Are you okay?”

“I, um, yeah I’m fine.”

Luna regards her tentatively. Lexa knows she doesn’t believe her lie and waits for Luna to call her on it. “Five minutes ago you were so wrapped up in your girlfriend that you didn’t even notice me arriving, and now you look like you just saw a ghost. What happened?”

“Nothing. I’m fine, really. Sorry I’m late. And Clarke is not my girlfriend, by the way.”

Luna sighs at that. She’s Lexa’s closest friend on the team. They don’t hang out much outside of practice but Lexa knows Luna has her back.

“Sure Commander, whatever you say. Let’s go inside, you need to get ready so we can start warming up.”

 

*******

 

Lexa’s pre-game ritual is thrown off-kilter a bit. She normally puts on her shin guards, then socks, then cleats while listening to one of her ‘pump up’ songs. But today, she’s struggling. She can’t seem to focus on anything but the text she just received and it’s messing up her concentration. She was on such a high when she and Clarke parted ways outside the locker room. Now her adrenaline has taken a nosedive and fear has taken over.

She knows Ontari is behind the text and she knows it was sent to elicit this exact reaction. Lexa’s pissed at herself for allowing it to get to her, but now she can’t think of anything but Ontari’s thirst for blood on the field. She sits for a moment and contemplates. Perhaps she should start wearing a protective cup. But then the bulge would be too obvious and everyone would know. She decides against it, it’s too late now anyway since she doesn’t own a cup. The compression shorts she changed into earlier will have to do.

After finally getting her cleats on, she fumbles with her earbuds and phone to find just the right song to get her back into fighting mode and lands on the intro song from the _Resident Evil: Afterlife_ soundtrack. She closes her eyes and focuses only on the thumping beat. It starts to do the trick for her. She sits on the bench and stares at her locker while letting the music flow through her body, getting her back into pre-match mode.

When the song ends, the foreboding notes of _Wonder Woman’s Wrath_ filter through her headphones. She stands up and looks at herself in the mirror of her locker door, willing herself to keep it together. The epic war drums together with the strings and horns get her heart rate going and she’s feeling a bit more confident than before. She’s still rattled from the text, but she tries not to let it affect her mindset. Her team is ready right when the song is over. She puts her phone away—and with it, any lingering thoughts about the text, hopefully—closes her locker, and leads her team out onto the field.

As they stretch and do warm-up drills, she can hear a combination of cheering and booing as the opposing team takes the field to warm up on the opposite side. She knows she shouldn’t look, but the temptation is just too strong and she locks eyes with Azgeda’s team captain and her tormenter, Ontari Fitch. She finds the girl already looking at her, offering Lexa a smug little smirk while subtly moving her eyes down to Lexa’s shorts, and back up again. She quirks her eyebrow, then turns to join her team in warming up.

Lexa resists the urge to clasp her hands in front of her shorts, it would only show Ontari her taunts are working. She’s so thrown by the interaction that the barely suppressed panic caused by the text message comes swirling to the surface again. While trying to regulate her breathing to calm down, she almost gets hit in the head by a pass meant for her, which she manages to dodge just in time when Emori yells out her name.

_Focus damnit, you’re embarrassing yourself. Don’t let her see she’s getting to you. Don’t show signs of weakness._

Luna grabs the ball and runs up to Lexa.

“Whatever is going on with you, you need to let go of it for the next ninety minutes on this field and get your head in the game,” Luna whispers quietly enough that no one else can hear them. “We can fix whatever the issue is once the ref whistles that the game is over.”

Lexa doesn’t know how to tell her the “issue” is going to be on the field right along with her the entire time, so she shakes that thought from her head.

“Okay. You’re right. I’m focused.”

Luna tugs at the captain’s band wrapped around Lexa’s arm and smiles.

“And someone seems to be focused on _you,”_ Luna says as she points to the stands.

Lexa turns and immediately zeroes in on the familiar blonde standing amongst their friends with her number eight jersey proudly on display for all to see. Clarke smiles excitedly at her and Lexa’s heart suddenly feels more at ease. She gives Clarke a slime and turns back to Luna with renewed confidence.

“Let’s round up the troops.”

Once the teams are on their respective sidelines, the referee calls the captains to midfield for the coin toss. Lexa is wearing her game face the entire walk over, where she comes face-to-face with Ontari. She watches as the girl makes a show of cracking her knuckles while blatantly staring Lexa down. Lexa doesn’t waver. Her insides are a mess, but her posture doesn’t falter and her stoicism remains intact as she stares right back at Ontari, giving nothing away.

“Azgeda captain calls it.” The referee tosses the coin in the air.

“Tails.”

The coin lands on heads and the referee looks to Lexa. Lexa points to the goal where her team warmed up and runs back over as the rest of the team joins her on the field and they prepare for the kick-off.

 

*******

 

Not even ten minutes into the game, it’s already a bloodbath. Nothing could have prepared Clarke for this. Watching Lexa’s previous game was nerve-racking, but this is like watching an all-out battle. Fouls are being committed left and right, most of them from the Azgeda team. Unfortunately, only half of them are called. She can tell Arkadia is getting frustrated because they start fighting back, but in a much more subtle way, trying not to get called out for fouls.

Azgeda already has two yellow cards, one of which was given to Ontari in the first five minutes after she tripped Lexa during a breakaway. Lexa went flying and tumbled over on top of the ball, but thankfully managed to walk it off. Clarke is glad she’s with their friends, because she was close to running down to the field to teach Ontari a lesson on manners. Octavia and Lincoln managed to pull her back.

All she can really do is watch and wait for that halftime whistle.

Lincoln leans in to talk to her. “We should try to relax. I know this is stressful, but Lexa’s tough, she can take a punch. She’ll be just fine. If you’re already this worked up this early in the game, it’s only going to... what the fuck! Are you blind, ref?! That was a blatant foul! She elbowed Lexa in the ribs!”

Lincoln is on his feet in an instant and Clarke and the rest of their friends join him to scream at the way Ontari is obviously trying to take Lexa down. Lincoln is such a soft and gentle man, and Clarke can’t help but smile as she observes this passionate side of him, even if her heart is beating out of her chest in concern for Lexa’s safety.

“Forget what I said. This game is going to be tough to watch.”

Clarke nods at him. “It already is. Lexa told me she and Ontari have a history but it seems that she was putting it mildly.”

“You got that right, and something tells me things are only going to get worse from here,” Anya chimes in. “Come on, ref! Take that bitch out of the game!”

Clarke overhears Anya whispering something to Lincoln, but she can’t make out what’s being said. Lincoln mumbles something back to her and they both look genuinely concerned. Anya points out the fact that Ontari is barreling toward Lexa, but the ball is kicked out of bounds before anything can happen. The look of apprehension on Anya and Lincoln’s faces makes Clarke’s mind whirr, until it suddenly hits her.

_Ontari… she knows. She’s trying to hurt Lexa and take her out…_

She thinks back to Ontari taking aim at one particular spot on Lexa’s body with each foul, and a shudder runs through her spine. When Anya and Lincoln both catch Clarke watching them, she gives them a knowing nod.

“If that bitch hurts Lexa, I will rip her head off.”

Both Lincoln and Anya look surprised but it gives way to approval fast. Anya studies her a while longer and squints her eyes quizzically, she is about to say something when their focus is turned back to the field as half the crowd boos loudly at Ontari, who had tried to take Lexa out again. Thankfully, she failed.

Lexa gets up quickly to take a free kick in a difficult spot. The ref’s whistle comes fast and Lexa sends the ball flying over the haphazard wall of Azgeda players. It bounces off the goal frame but Luna is right there to head it back and into the goal, giving Arkadia the lead. Clarke is jumping and screaming with the rest of the crowd.

She manages to catch Lexa’s eye as she turns and looks up at her in the stands with a shy smile. Clarke waves enthusiastically, not caring about how utterly ridiculous and overly excited she must look.

She hears someone yelling Lexa’s name a few rows in front of her and watches Lexa’s eyes scan for the source. Clarke looks over to see Echo cheering for Lexa together with Niylah. Suddenly, her excitement is overshadowed with the feeling of jealousy. She even finds herself glaring at the girl when Echo turns her head and locks eyes with Clarke. Echo simply rolls her eyes and goes back to chanting Lexa’s name. Clarke looks back out into the field and is relieved to find that Lexa’s focus is now solely on the ball.

 _Why the hell am I even jealous? I’m the one wearing her shirt which she gave to_ me.

Clarke looks down at the number eight adorning her chest with a fond smile. She lifts the hem and inhales the floral laundry detergent mixed with Lexa’s scent which calms her down quickly, forgetting all about her feelings of jealousy. When she catches Echo’s eye again she flashes her a smile. She’s glad Lexa has so many people supporting her, especially during such a bloodbath.

Her smile, however, is also caught by Niylah, who waves at her with both arms. Like anything Niylah, the smile and wink she gives Clarke aren't subtle in the slightest. So it's no surprise that Niylah’s theatrics don't go unnoticed by Anya, who looks back and forth between them, giving Clarke a questioning and somewhat accusatory look.

_Fucking great, Niylah. Now Lexa’s cousin is gonna wonder if I’m not trustworthy, or something worse._

She tosses Niylah a small wave with a smile that probably looks more like a grimace, and then minutely shakes her head at Anya, trying to communicate that she has zero interest in Niylah. From the looks of it, Anya doesn’t really buy it. Clarke understands why though, Niylah might as well have ‘I heart Clarke’ tattooed on her forehead.

Clarke determinedly ignores Niylah and stands up to make a quick popcorn run in order to get out of this awkward situation. She glances over at the concession stand, but immediately decides against it when she spots Finn standing in line. She tries to sit back down before he can see her, but it’s too late, he already spotted her and is making his way over.

_For fuck's sake, not now. Why the hell is he coming over? What is that idiot thinking? Oh right, he doesn’t think._

Clarke leans over to tap Raven’s shoulder and nudges her head in Finn’s direction. When he’s close enough, he flashes Clarke a smile and raises his hand in greeting. His reaction is almost comical the moment he spots Raven. His face turns pale in an instant and his arm drops lamely down to his side. Clarke observes as he promptly does a one-eighty and scurries away, and it’s entirely too satisfying.

Anya, who had been watching the whole thing with a big question mark on her face, turns to Raven to ask what that was about. But Raven murmurs she’ll explain later. Clarke wonders why Raven hasn’t already told her the story of Finn, but doesn’t dwell on it for too long because her attention is brought back to the game. And to the girl who holds her heart.

After what feels like hours it’s finally halftime, and for the first time in forty-five minutes Clarke can properly breathe again. She lets her shoulder slump to release the tension from the muscles she’d wound tightly with worry for Lexa.

 

*******

 

Having spent halftime in the locker room discussing strategy with coach Kane and the team, Lexa didn’t have much time to dwell on Ontari’s antics and threats. Five minutes into the second half, however, the Azgeda Claws come out again and Ontari is back at it with her personal vendetta, causing Lexa’s resolve to start fading. It feels like Azgeda is dominating the game, but only by using ruthless tactics to get the ball. The heaviness in her chest is not from the mass amounts of running she’s been doing, but from frustration and emotional stress. It doesn’t help that Ontari keeps calling her a freak every time she’s within earshot.

Lexa finds herself playing more and more defensively, not only because they want to keep the lead, but also because she has to be on the defensive with the way Ontari has been trying to aim her cleat at Lexa’s crotch every time she goes on the attack. When an Azgeda forward moves past their defensive line and scores, Lexa can’t help but take on the burden of that goal. If she hadn’t been so distracted, maybe she could have done something to prevent it.

She sees how upset her defenders are, so she jogs up to Monroe and puts a hand on her shoulder.

“It’s okay. That was not on you. That was on all of us. Especially me.”

Monroe shakes her head. “No, that was definitely on me. I should have called that. I should have been quicker, more reactive.”

“We’ll get it back,” Lexa assures her as she starts jogging away.

Monroe nods dejectedly. “Hey Lexa?”

“Yeah?”

“We know Ontari has it in for you. But don’t be afraid to play fearlessly like you always do. The team has your back. No matter what.”

Lexa forces her mouth into a small smile, thankful for her team’s loyalty. But also wondering about the implications of what Monroe just said.

_‘No matter what…’ Does she know something? Do they all know? No, they can’t… can they?_

The game only intensifies as the minutes wane in the second half. The score remains tied and after a lot of back and forth—and a few unsportsmanlike moves from Azgeda—Arkadia gets possession of the ball once more. Their midfielder, Harper, sends the ball down the line, which lands at Luna’s feet. Lexa sees an opening among the Azgeda defense and makes her way over, making sure she’s not offside. Her heart is pounding as Luna passes the ball to Fox who sends it between the legs of an Azgeda defender. Lexa runs up on the ball, putting her and the ball right in front of the Azgeda goal.

She moves to take her shot when Ontari comes out of nowhere from the left and rams into Lexa from the side, not even trying to go for the ball. Ontari’s knee jams into Lexa’s upper right thigh and their heads collide before they fall to the ground. Lexa lands on her back with the wind knocked out of her. Ontari is down as well but she quickly recovers, standing up on slightly shaky legs, trying to regain her balance as she looms over Lexa, sneering.

Lexa closes her eyes and winces in pain. Her hand is still on her thigh from when she grabbed it immediately after the clash. She’s thankful Ontari missed her target, but it’s her head that hurts more. The side of her forehead throbs and burns and she feels lightheaded. She brings her other hand up to her temple and feels sticky warm liquid pouring from a fresh cut. She opens her eyes, looking at her bloodstained fingers and trying to sit up.

“Lexa, stay down,” she can hear her coach call out as he and the team medics rush to her side.

“I’m fine,” she croaks weakly.

“I don’t care if you feel fine. Stay down and let them examine you.”

She hears booing from the crowd and looks up to see the referee holding up a yellow card for Ontari. On top of the yellow card Ontari received earlier in the first half, it means an automatic red card and Ontari is out of the game. Lexa is still too rattled to be relieved. The ref calls for a penalty kick from the twelve yard spot, which gives them a chance to take the lead.

_I need to get my head back into the game and take it… I can’t let her win._

She can see the smug look on Ontari’s face even as the ref orders her to leave the field. Lexa tries to appear unaffected as Ontari and some of the other Azgeda team members still try to taunt her, laughing at her. But when her coach starts examining her thigh, her panic flares up no matter how hard she tries to stay calm. Ontari is just loving this view: Lexa knocked on her ass, her biggest fear of being outed as intersex to her entire university close to coming true.

She’s about to push Kane away when Ontari suddenly disappears. And not just Ontari, but the Azgeda team and the crowd on the stands, are completely blocked from Lexa’s view and vice versa, giving her some much appreciated privacy. Her own team has formed a circle around her, facing outward and linking arms to protect her from prying eyes as she gets examined.

There is so much going on right now, she doesn’t even know what to feel more overwhelmed about, but it’s nice to know her team is so fiercely protective of her.

 _I hope they’d still have my back if they knew… or are they doing this_ because _they know?_

Lexa panics once again when one of the medics lifts her shorts up to more closely examine the newly formed and rather nasty looking bruise on her thigh but forces herself to take deep breaths. She’s just doing her job. The medic squeezes the area around the bruise checking for any tenderness. Lexa tries to steer her in another direction.

“It’s fine. I can still run. Just need you to close up the gash on my head.”

“We need to make sure you don’t have a concussion,” the medic replies matter-of-factly. “Sit up slowly.”

Lexa sits up, trying to get her bearings.

“Follow my finger.”

Lexa does as she’s told and follows the medic’s finger with her eyes and several other instructions obediently. She winces as another medic tends to the wound on the side of her forehead. They finish bandaging the cut and help her to stand up. She wobbles a little but manages to keep her balance. Her inner thigh muscle is screaming now that she’s putting weight on it, but she refuses to admit it. She doesn’t want to be taken out of the game.

She looks down and sees the blood stains on her jersey from her head wound. Her team is still protecting her even though the ref has managed to drag Ontari off the field. Lexa then looks up at the stands and sees her friends and a very worried Clarke standing up and cheering for her as she jogs in place a bit. Lexa decides right then and there that it’s time to win this game.

Once she’s ready and given the all clear to get back in the game, her teammates turn around and offer words of support and encouragement. Luna and Monroe ask if she’s okay. Lexa offers a shaky nod of her head. The time is still stopped due to Nia, the Azgeda coach, arguing with the ref over the red card. So before the game can continue, coach Kane pulls Lexa aside for a private talk.

“Is everything okay? You know…”

He doesn’t have to say anything more. Lexa knows what he’s asking. She had disclosed to her coach that she’s intersex the day she made it to the team. She trusts him implicitly and he has been nothing but supportive.

“Yeah, I’m good coach. My thigh is a little sore, but it won’t affect my playing.”

“Because if you’re injured there…”

Lexa shakes her head, wanting the conversation to end.

“It’s fine. I promise. She just got my thigh.”

Kane nods in understanding and pats her back before he heads back to the sidelines. Lexa turns and sees Luna standing right in front of her. She freezes. There’s no way Luna didn’t hear her conversation with Kane. Anxiety sets in and suddenly her chest tightens and all the blood drains from her face. This is the very last thing that she wanted. She tries to speak, but can’t. She just shakes her head as her eyes plead with Luna not to repeat anything she just heard.

Luna steps forward and puts her hands on Lexa’s shoulders.

“Hey. Don’t worry about it.”

Lexa can’t find her voice, but that doesn’t stop her from freaking out.

_No. No, no, no, no… this can’t be happening._

All that spills from her lips is a soft ‘no’, as she shakes her head in disbelief.

“Lex, it’s okay,” assures Luna. “I swear, it’s fine. I know. I’ve known for a while and you have nothing to worry about.”

This gets Lexa’s attention, her thoughts slow down enough to process Luna’s words. She chances a small glance at her teammate.

“You knew?”

Luna nods. “Actually, most of us do. And we don’t care. You’re our captain. And our friend and we love and care about you.”

_Oh fuck, they know. How? How long? How did this happen?_

Lexa tries to swallow the thick lump in her throat and blinks furiously to clear the fog from her eyes to no avail. She’s unsteady on her feet again despite being fine a short while ago. She feels the gash on her head pounding under the bandage and her sore thigh muscle starts to spasm and burn.

“How… how did you…?”

“A couple of us sort of put two and two together. You always stay behind to get the showers to yourself, change in private… that combined with Ontari’s not so subtle taunts…”

“You knew.” It’s all she can say. Luna’s hands on her shoulders the only thing keeping her grounded enough to not completely let her thoughts spiral out of control.

Luna shrugs. “We figured you didn’t want to talk about it so we never brought it up. And I swear none of us have said a word to anyone. And we never will. It’s nobody’s business but yours.”

Luna gently moves her hands to cup Lexa’s cheeks and holds her head up to look her in the eye.

“Now you need to focus. This is your shot and you need to take it to show that bitch you can not be taken down. We’re right behind you, Captain. Let’s win this game.”

Lexa forces herself to take in Luna’s words and she knows they ring true. She feels an odd sense of calm come over her, similar to how at peace she felt with Clarke just a few days ago. Her team _knows,_ and they accept her. They understand, just like Clarke, and they all love her anyway.

Luna must sense the powerful flood relief that washes over her because she’s smiling at her. Lexa returns it as best she can, managing a watery smile.

“Thank you, Luna,” she says, hoping it sounds as sincere as she feels, because there is no time to say anything else. She’ll talk to Luna and her team properly some other time. Right now, she has a game to win. She nods to Luna before lifting her chin and straightening her back.

With only a few minutes left on the clock, more of the crowd starts cheering as Lexa signals that she’ll be taking the penalty kick. She pays no attention to Ontari on the sideline next to her seething coach Nia Whittaker, or any player of the other team. She only focuses on what comes next. Her teammates clap for her and she can hear Kane yell encouragements at her.

There’s nothing between her and the net except a very expressionless goalie. Lexa offers her a sinister smile, as if warning her that there’s no chance in hell she’s going to save this ball. Both teams line up in formation behind her. She can feel the sweat dripping down her neck and off her arms. Lexa tunes out the cheers from the stands and the taunting from the opposing team. It’s just her and the ball, and performing under intense pressure is what she does best.

The crowd goes silent at the referee’s whistle, like they're collectively holding their breath. Her kick is powerful and precise. It happens in an instant and in the quiet of the stadium, she can hear the swoosh of the net when the ball sails past the hands of the keeper and into the top left corner of the goal.

The crowd erupts in a deafening roar. Luna wraps her up in a hug and Lexa watches her teammates celebrating the goal over Luna’s shoulder, jumping on top of each other. Normally, Lexa partakes in this ritual and they all dogpile onto her, but her injuries force her to celebrate quietly. She seeks out her little fan club in the stands and gives them a wave with a sweet smile just for Clarke.

The game is over moments later and the taste of victory is beautiful. Especially for this game after they fought so hard. She’s starting to feel the pain of her head wound, and can’t walk without a slight limp in her gait, but Lexa’s adrenaline is still through the roof when she’s greeted on the field by a very boisterous blonde.

“Congratulations! I was so worried. Are you in a lot of pain?”

Clarke’s hug isn’t as tight as Lexa was expecting or hoping for, but she’s pretty sure that Clarke is just trying to be mindful of her injuries. Which only makes Lexa appreciate her even more.

“Thanks. I’m sorry you had to see that. It was a pretty violent game. I’m okay now.”

_Now that you’re here…_

They pull apart and Clarke’s jaw sets as she looks past Lexa over at the Azgeda team.

“I want to punch that girl. What the hell is her problem?”

“She’s just a very unhappy person.”

“She’s a nasty ass cuntbag ho with an ugly heart and no respect for the game or your talent.”

Leave it to Anya to drop an inappropriate truth bomb in the middle of a celebration. Anya puts her arm around her Lexa.

“Congrats, Lex! I knew you’d beat that bitch. She’s lucky I didn’t take her ass down.” She runs her fingers along the edges of the bandage on Lexa’s head.

Lexa jerks her head away from Anya’s touch, not wanting her to fuss over it. “I’m just glad we won. I feel vindicated.”

She looks at Clarke, who’s still looking concerned for her even though she’s smiling.

“I’m fine. I promise,” Lexa assures her.

“Well, I think it’s best we get you home. You need rest. Especially with that head injury. So get your butt to the showers and don’t come out until you’ve washed all the blood off so you don’t stain my car seats.” Anya gives Lexa a playful nudge towards the locker rooms. “Bloodstains are a bitch to remove,” she adds darkly, and Lexa’s shakes her head, grinning at her cousin’s antics.

Lexa has only taken a few steps before she’s cut off by Ontari.

“You know, it’s a shame I didn’t get you where it counts, freak.”

Ontari spits the words out like venom, loud enough for Clarke and Anya to hear. Lexa searches for something to say, but nothing comes out and Ontari takes full advantage.

“What’s the matter? Afraid your girlfriend’s gonna find out about your little…appendage. Poor little freak is gonna get dumped by the bombshell. Such a sad story.”

Before Lexa can even react, Anya runs past her and has Ontari on the ground in a split second. Then, she feels Clarke’s presence next to her and Clarke’s hand in hers, holding on tightly.

“Let me go, bitch!” Ontari screams at Anya, whose knee is pressed into her sternum.

“Hmm… how about no.”

“Get the fuck off me!”

“Sorry. I _cunt_ hear you.” Anya’s not even struggling to keep Ontari on the ground as the Azgeda captain squirms beneath her. “I think you owe my cousin an apology.”

“Fuck you.”

Anya rolls her eyes and digs her knee deeper into Ontari.

“See what I’m doing here? Notice how it hurts? It’s not going to get any less painful so stop moving and listen to me.” She moves down and gets right in Ontari’s face. “Stay the _fuck_ away from my cousin. You call her a freak one more time and you will know a whole new definition of pain.”

Ontari huffs as she still tries to wiggle free. Anya looks back at Lexa and Clarke. Lexa is still too stunned to say anything, she just grips Clarke’s hand tighter.

“Clarke?”

“Yes, Anya?”

“You’re not going to dump my beautiful cousin, are you?”

Lexa’s breath hitches when she feels Clarke’s other hand move to pet her stomach, affectionately rubbing calming circles. It feels so good that Lexa isn’t even embarrassed about how sweaty her shirt is.

“Well, we haven’t exactly discussed our relationship status,” she shoots a playful smile over to Lexa, “but I can safely say that I have no intention of letting this amazing girl slip away.”

Lexa can feel her heart contract upon hearing those words. She looks at Clarke completely dumbfounded, but Clarke is not where she expected her to be. She’s not just standing next to Lexa, she’s leaning in. And then Clarke's lips are on hers. The throbbing of the wound on her head slows down to a fraction of its speed while Clarke’s lips are pressed against her own, earnest, reassuring, and genuine.

Clarke parts from her with a smile and another soft peck and all Lexa can do is let it happen with a dopey grin on her face. Satisfied with Clarke’s answer and display, Anya finally lets Ontari go. The girl hacks and spits, trying to catch her breath. She’s red-faced and fuming but successfully silenced, and with a final glare to Lexa, she stalks off the field.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let us know your thoughts in the comments or on tumblr [@syngularitysyn](https://syngularitysyn.tumblr.com/) (any fic asks will be answered by both of us :))


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke takes care of her nerd, Anya has questions and Clexa get to know each other on a more intimate level.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully this chapter makes up for the long wait on chapter 7 which was totally my (volatilevision) fault. This is what happens when you want to write a fluffy little aftercare scene as a surprise for your lovely co-author and wonderful friend, which then completely runs away from you and turns into a 8500 word fluffy thirsty aftercare chapter. 
> 
> I said we would update on Sunday, but since it's my birthday you get it a day early <3

As soon as Lexa emerges from the locker room, Clarke takes her bag and places a soft kiss on her temple. Lexa didn’t expect Clarke to wait for her, though she secretly hoped she would. It had taken her quite a while to get ready because of her injuries. Coach Kane had urged her to accept a thigh massage from one of the medics to avoid cramping, while she held an ice pack to her head. The field dressing on her forehead was replaced with a neat new bandage after her shower.

Anya and Raven come up to her right side—the side of her injured leg—and her cousin drapes Lexa’s arm over her shoulder for support. When Lexa looks up from where Clarke has grabbed her hand, she can sense they don’t just offer support but also offer protection. There are several small groups of Azgeda supporters and players hanging out near the field exit, giving her disapproving sideways glances. She can’t spot Ontari among them but she doesn’t want to linger and find out if her nemesis is still around.

“Let’s get you home, Lex,” Anya says, as the four of them set off to Anya’s car.

They make it without incident. The Azgeda players merely scowl and grumble in her direction. Without Ontari—the claws and teeth of the team—they are rather passive. When they reach the car, Clarke stows Lexa’s sports bag in the trunk, Anya hops in the driver's seat, and Raven calls shotgun. Lexa scrambles to think of a way to ask if Clarke will join them, but she gets beaten to it.

“I’d like to come with you… if you want me to. I understand if you don’t, of course. You need your rest.”

“I was hoping you would. I’m sure Anya and Raven won’t mind; they usually sleep over at Raven’s, but I’m not sure what their plan is today.”

“They don’t mind. I already asked them.” Clarke’s eyes twinkle as she opens the door for Lexa to get in the back seat.

 

*******

 

Anya orders their dinner from Lexa’s favorite Thai restaurant when they arrive at the apartment. Clarke insisted on the way over they should pick complementary comfort food dishes so she and Lexa could share. Lexa barely has time to kick off her shoes and call out to Anya that she wants extra spring rolls before Clarke ushers her into her own bedroom, to the amusement of Raven. The moment the door closes behind them, Clarke is on her in a flash. Hands cupping Lexa’s cheeks, a crinkle in her forehead.

“God, Lex. I was so worried.” Clarke flings her arms around Lexa’s neck, clinging to her in a tight hug while carefully avoiding Lexa’s injuries.

Lexa slowly recovers from Clarke’s sudden onslaught, wrapping her arms around Clarke’s waist. “You were?”

“So much. I didn’t want to say anything in front of other people and especially not in front of that _bitch.”_ Clarke spits the word out like it’s the foulest thing she’s ever known. “When she slammed into you, and then you were on the ground…” Clarke all but sobs.

Lexa tries to hide her fond smile in Clarke’s hair. “I’m okay, Clarke.”

“You were _bleeding,_ Lexa. And your thigh… for a moment I thought she hit her target.” She draws a shuddering breath against Lexa’s neck before pulling back from the hug to look at Lexa.

“She didn’t right? Hit her mark?”

“I—no. No, thankfully she didn’t. I got lucky I guess.”

Clarke breathes out, looking very much relieved at that. “Maybe we should buy some protection for you, just in case, to be safe?”

Lexa nods around a swallow, eyes fixed on the floor.

“You should lie down with your leg up. Let me fetch some pillows from the living room and ice packs for your bruises. Do you have ice packs? Nevermind, I’ll go check the fridge in the kitchen.”

Lexa shakes her head, suppressing a chuckle as Clarke gently guides her towards the bed. She decides to go along with whatever Clarke deems necessary.

“This is serious Lexa, it could be a concussion.”

“The medics said I probably don’t have a concussion.”

“ _Probably?”_ Clarke eyes her with a raised eyebrow, clearly not reassured by that statement.

“Probably _not.”_

“Better safe than sorry. Now lie down. I’ll go get you some ice packs and something to drink because you need to stay hydrated.”

When Clarke closes the door behind her, Lexa changes from her sweats and hoodie into a tank top and fresh soccer shorts for better access to the bruise on her thigh before lying down.

Clarke returns with a tall glass of water, two ice packs in her hands, and a pillow under her arm. Lexa lets herself be pampered and nursed. Clarke supports her head while she takes a few sips, lifts her leg to place the extra pillow under it, and places an ice pack against her head.

“Can you pull up your shorts for me so I can put the ice pack on?”

Lexa nods, pulling up the right side of her shorts to reveal the dark purple bruise with angry red edges about the size of Clarke’s hand.

“Oh my God, Lexa.” Clarke gasps.

“It looks worse than it feels.”

“It has already started to swell.” Clarke gently places the ice pack wrapped in a kitchen towel against her. “Can you lift your leg a little? I wrapped it so that you can tie the towel around your leg to keep it in place.”

Lexa does as she’s told and follows Clarke’s instructions, observing Clarke’s face rather than watching what she’s doing. She’s never been taken care of like this before. Never let her guard down enough to be taken care of the way Clarke is taking care of her now. Anya looks out for her and after her, but it’s not the same.

_It feels so good to know Clarke worries and cares so much… I could get used to this._

“There, all set. Can I get you something else, snacks, anything?”

“I’m all good. Thank you, Clarke. For caring. For taking care of me.”

“Of course I care, Lex. And you don’t have to thank me. How is your leg? I can give you a massage to stop you from cramping up?”

“No, um. No, thank you, Clarke. I’m fine, really. The medic treated my leg in the locker room after the match, it’s all good. Taken care of. This is nice. I should probably just let it rest a little while.”

“Are you sure?”

Raven interrupts her by knocking on the bedroom door before she can reply. “Dinner’s here!”

 

*******

 

Lexa lets Clarke walk her to the dinner table after giving up on convincing Clarke that she’s fine and can walk alone. There is only so much she can do to resist Clarke’s pout and plea to ‘just let me do this for you, Lexa please’. Anya and Raven have already set the table and are in the process of opening food containers. Lexa sits down next to her cousin since Anya and Raven are sitting across from each other. She can’t help but wonder if this seating arrangement is done on purpose.

Her hunch is confirmed when Clarke sits down after helping Lexa fill her plate with Pad Thai and Massaman curry and Anya clears her throat.

“I see Clarke is taking good care of you, dear cousin.”

Lexa simply hums, not wanting to speak around a mouth full of noodles.

“Is that why you’re such a popular girl, Griffin?“ Anya continues, redirecting the conversation, just like Lexa was expecting.

Clarke looks up from her plate to Lexa, a single noodle string between her lips. She sucks it up before looking over to Anya in question.

“Popular?”

Lexa mirrors Clarke’s confused expression. She doesn’t know what Anya means either. All she knows is she’s lucky Clarke is interested in her. But she realizes she knows very little about Clarke’s dating history or popularity. She could take a pretty good guess but she didn’t want to assume anything. Seeing Clarke with Niylah caused her enough worry to not entertain the thought of how many other suitors Clarke has.

“First there was that blonde babe a few rows in front of us nearly flashing her tits to get your attention, then there was the floppy-haired pretty boy looking like a kicked puppy after you and Raven glared daggers at him.” Anya pauses to check in with Raven, who looks like this topic is one she knew she had to get into sooner or later, and then switches back to Clarke. “And last but not least Commander heart-eyes over here, dramatically looking for you in the stands every time she was down.”

_Damnit, Anya! That happened maybe once or twice and I was mostly just catching my breath._

Lexa huffs, dropping her eyes down to her plate to hide her embarrassment. Leave it to her cousin to call her out like that in front of the girl she likes. Her eyes snap back up when she feels Clarke’s foot hook behind her calf and start rubbing it. Clarke flashes her a quick smile before meeting Anya’s inquisitive stare. If she is at all intimidated by Anya, it doesn’t show. Which is pretty impressive, Lexa thinks to herself.

“Well,” Clarke starts. “This is also the story of how I met Raven, so it’s not really mine to tell.”

Raven shrugs, looking like she’s relieved she doesn’t have to tell this story herself. “Go ahead, Clarke. Tell them so we can get it over with.”

“I was never really into anyone in high school. Never dated anyone, never fell in love. Same thing in college, really. So when I eventually decided to get out more and listen to my friends who kept saying ‘these are your best years, you’re young, you should give someone a chance, blah blah’, it turns out the guy is a total asshole.”

“Massive asshole,” Raven confirms.

“He seemed nice enough, although persistent, but charming. So I said to myself: _fuck it,_ why the hell not?” Clarke takes a big swig from her water and looks at Raven. “I really wish I didn’t.”

“I know you do, but I’m also glad.” Raven lets out a deep sigh and puts down her spoon. “You know I have trust issues,” she says to Anya. “That douchebag we saw earlier today is the reason. He’s my ex. We’d been dating for years until he cheated on me. With Clarke. Octavia knew both of us and put two and two together. So Clarke came to me and we confronted him together.”

“We sure did, but that’s a story for another time. We didn’t meet under the best circumstances, but I’m glad I met you, Raven. And I’m glad to see you scored a serious upgrade from Finn.” Clarke smirks, nodding at Anya.

Anya snorts. “Alright, enough with the flattery, Griffin. And we can talk about this some more after dinner, Rae.” She kisses Raven’s cheek and Lexa smiles at how in love they are even though they didn’t meet that long ago.

“Yeah, and it’s in the past now. I have Anya and you have Lexa.” Raven winks at Clarke before she continues. “Have you been plotting to take out that Ontari girl or were you too busy doting on Lexa?” Without even waiting for Clarke to swallow her food and answer the question, Raven turns to Lexa. “You should have seen Clarke when you were knocked down, Lexa. Lincoln and Octavia had to restrain her to keep her from running onto the field and most likely cause bodily harm to Ontari,” she says gleefully.

Anya is not ready to move on, though. “Hold on a second. While this story was enlightening… it doesn’t explain blondie, Clarke. Where does she come in?”

“I guess I should be flattered by this interrogation.” Clarke laughs. “I felt terrible after what happened with Finn, Niylah was there for a while with a promise of no strings attached. That’s all there is to it. It wasn’t serious, for me anyway.”

Lexa feels a surge of jealousy stir in her belly at Clarke’s confession that she used to have some sort of arrangement with Niylah, confirming Lexa’s suspicions. But she’s also relieved Clarke isn’t serious about the girl. Remembering how Niylah acts around Clarke, it’s pretty clear Niylah regrets going for a no strings deal.

Anya gets right to the point with her last question. “And my cousin, are you serious about her?”

“Didn’t I make that clear enough on the field today?” Clarke gazes at her with such a warm smile, Lexa forgets all about Niylah and the feelings the girl possibly harbors for Clarke.

 

*******

 

After dinner, Lexa tells Clarke that her coach has instructed her to do some exercises for her leg in the evening. Clarke sits down on the bed while Lexa turns on Netflix for her, but she’d much rather watch Lexa as she gathers the things she needs. Lexa pulls a large fitness mat from underneath the bed and a black roll of foam with ridges on it.

“Coach told me I need to do some yoga and use my foam roller at home the next few days.”

“Are you sure you’re up for that with your _possible_ concussion?” She tries to cover her worries by sassing Lexa like she sassed Clarke earlier, but she’s pretty sure Lexa can see right through her.

“I’m fine, Clarke. I won’t take too long, you can watch some TV while I do my exercises.”

Clarke makes a half-hearted attempt to find something to watch, but in all honesty, she doesn’t want to be distracted from what Lexa is doing, wearing a dark grey racerback tank top with clean black soccer shorts. When Clarke returned from the kitchen with ice packs earlier and saw what Lexa had changed into, she had to stop and blink a few times to compose herself again.

_Is she trying to kill me? She’s already destroying me with this outfit, and now she’s going to… oh wow. Muscles…_

She watches as Lexa gets down on the mat and pushes her body up with her arms, and then continues to do various yoga poses and stretches. All Clarke can focus on are the specific taut muscles each exercise targets. Her shoulder muscles are a sight to behold, perfectly framed by the racerback top which gives Clarke an excellent view.

Lexa moves on to more muscle relaxing poses after a while, which she holds for longer periods of time. Clarke’s thoughts drift until she has to swallow the large amount of saliva that has formed in her mouth, snapping out of her reverie when Lexa grabs the foam roller laying next to her.

Clarke’s daydream only grows more lewd as she watches Lexa’s flexing biceps and triceps while she rolls her quads up and down the roll of foam. When Lexa bends one leg to the side to let the roller work on her adductor muscles it looks so much like she’s grinding on it that Clarke has to look away and bite her lip in order to stop herself from doing something stupid that would give away how thirsty she is.

_Fucking hell Griffin, control yourself. You can already barely function around her, stop making it worse by watching her grind on the fucking foam roller._

She selects a space documentary on Netflix to distract herself and swallow her drool while Lexa finishes her session. But then Lexa’s controlled breathing is interrupted by a groan—and not the sexy kind Clarke is dying to hear from her. She’s not pushing herself hard, but Clarke can’t shake her worries about Lexa’s other injury.

“Are you sure you should be doing that with your head wound?”

Lexa does one more rep and then rolls the foam away to shift so she’s on her knees.

“I guess I should stop.” Lexa sighs, before begrudgingly adding. “It’s throbbing again.”

Clarke bites back the reprimand she’d like to give Lexa, knowing it won’t change anything or make Lexa feel better, which is all Clarke wants.

“Come back to bed and let me take care of you, I don’t want you to make it worse. You shouldn’t risk it if you _do_ have a concussion.”

“You’re right.”

“Do you want me to grab some drinks and snacks from the kitchen? Maybe another ice pack?” Clarke pauses before adding. “Do you want a kiss to make it better?”

Lexa chuckles as she slides her fitness mat and roller back under the bed before plopping down next to Clarke with a deep sigh.

“I would like all of those things…” She answers to Clarke’s surprise, but then she immediately loses her boldness and adds. “If that’s what you want, I’m good with whatever.”

Clarke bends down and softly kisses Lexa’s temple on top of the bandage. When she leans back a little, Lexa is looking up at her with a tiny smile curling the corner of her mouth, and Clarke feels the urge to kiss that too, so she does.

“I’ll be right back.”

She climbs off Lexa’s comfy bed and makes her way to the kitchen, grabbing a tray to carry everything she needs back to Lexa’s room. She starts the water boiler and grabs two bags of Yogi choco tea, a large glass of water for Lexa, a cup of baby carrots and a plate with a few of the homemade crackers and dips Lexa surprised her with for lunch earlier today.

When she feels someone watching her from behind she turns around, expecting it to be Lexa. Instead, she finds Anya leaning against the fridge with her arms crossed.

“Raiding our kitchen, huh?”

Clarke feels slightly intimidated by the other Woods, but she’s determined to stand her ground. She needs Anya to know she’s serious about Lexa.

“Taking care of your injured cousin. Does she like these fudge brownies, or are they yours?”

Anya refills the water boiler and grabs two mugs for her and Raven, picking a different tea flavor for each of them. “They’re mine but feel free to take some. Lexa likes them as well, in the rare instances she goes for a snack.”

“Thanks.” Clarke flashes her a smile. “I’m worried about her head, she might have a concussion so I put her to bed to make sure she gets her rest.”

“I hope you know this is a first. Lexa letting you see her like this, injured and vulnerable, even letting you pamper her. Color me impressed, Griffin. I never thought I’d see the day.”

Anya’s words cause a surge of pride to rush through Clarke, but her heart aches for Lexa.

“She deserves it. She deserves everything.”

“She does. I’m glad I encouraged her to finally let her guard down and take a chance with you.”

“You talked to her about me?” Clarke can’t manage to keep the surprise out of her voice.

“I talked to her about not shutting you out without getting to know you after her little freakout in the club. Did she tell you why she ran?”

“I um, kinda figured it out not too long ago. Certain pieces of the puzzle fell into place after that. She knows I know, but we haven’t really talked yet. I’m letting her decide if or when she wants to tell me more.”

“Good. With the way you two can’t stop making heart-eyes at each other every five minutes like lovesick teenagers, it shouldn’t be too long.” Anya then gives her a pointed look and continues. “I won’t give you the ‘hurt her and I’ll hurt you’ talk and trust that your intentions are good.”

“I won’t. Lexa is special, I want her to be happy. I hope I can make her happy.”

Anya gives her a nod of approval and picks up her mugs with an eye roll when Raven calls out to her that she’s nearly dehydrated.

 

*******

 

After sipping their tea and making good progress on their snacks with the muted space documentary going on in the background, Clarke huddles closer to Lexa and urges her to put her head to rest on Clarke’s shoulder. They stay like this for a while, content, enjoying the moment and each other while absentmindedly watching stars and asteroids fly across the screen. Clarke breaks the silence to check up on Lexa.

“This is nice. How are you doing?”

“It is. I’m good.”

Lexa last words linger like there was something else she wanted to add but then decided not to. When she shifts against Clarke to make herself more comfortable, Clarke lets the thought go and focusses on being in the moment to fully enjoy it. But Lexa keeps subtly shifting and wiggling.

“You sure nothing’s bothering you?”

Lexa keeps her head on Clarke’s shoulder and takes a deep breath.

“Actually, my back aches a bit. Hard to get comfortable.”

“Must be from all those tumbles on the field today.”

Lexa hums into her shoulder in acknowledgment and then twists her back in a way that makes it crack in multiple places.

_Should I? She’ll probably say no again. But she’s in pain… I have to ask._

Clarke clears her throat and asks in the most casual way she can muster with Lexa’s warm body pressed against her.

“Want me to give you a massage? Your back… it might help.”

Lexa flashes her a look and worries her lip between her teeth for a moment before she answers.

“Would you?”

Clarke smiles at her. “Of course I would, that’s why I offered. I kind of love pampering you. Do you have a towel and oil I can use?”

When Lexa is about to get up Clarke stops her.

“Just tell me where they are so I can get them while you get comfortable on your stomach.”

“Yeah, okay. It’s in my sports bag by the door. Towels are in the drawer in the bathroom.”

Clarke hops off the bed and rummages through Lexa’s bag in search for the oil. She grabs the bottle and makes her way to the bathroom, fighting the urge to ogle Lexa as she takes her top off on the bed.

She turns on the faucet and lets the water run till it’s hot and then puts in the plug, creating a little bath for the bottle of almond oil while she opens the drawer to select the softest towel she can find.

When she returns to the bedroom, Lexa is already prone on her stomach. Hair in a messy bun to keep it away from her back and completely bare save for her black soccer shorts. Clarke lets her gaze travel over the entire length of Lexa’s body, taking it all in with her artist’s eye, roaming over Lexa’s strong legs. The muscle definition of her calves and thighs makes Clarke’s mouth water. She lets her eyes trail over Lexa’s bum—looking criminally good in those shorts—up to her lean back, from her slim waist to her slender neck. Lexa’s arms are on either side of her head, and Clarke can’t help but notice the way Lexa’s breasts press into the bed when she walks around it until she’s standing next to Lexa.

_I’d love to paint her again… I’ll probably never get tired of painting her. She’s the only person I want to paint._

“Can I put on some music? I want to hear the song that’s been stuck in my head all week.”

“Yeah go ahead. If you turn off the TV you can stream it from your phone.”

Clarke selects her favorite playlist on her music app and connects it to Lexa’s impressive-looking set-up, turning the volume down to a pleasant listening level. She wants the music to help Lexa relax, not distract. She places the towel with the oil next to Lexa on the bed before climbing on it herself. When she realizes she has a choice to make, she pauses.

_Do I sit next to her… or do I straddle her?_

Deciding to be bold, she straddles Lexa, but she doesn’t sit down, mindful of the various bruises and any invisible sore spots on Lexa’s body.

“Is this okay?” she asks, her voice a little throaty.

“Yes.”

After settling on top of Lexa more comfortably, Clarke grabs the bottle next to her and pours a generous amount of oil into the palm of her hand. She flicks the cap closed and puts it back on the towel. She covers both her palms with the thick fluid and then she lets her hands glide from Lexa’s lower back all the way up to the balls of her shoulders.

Lexa moans in enjoyment, and Clarke has to bite her lip to keep from joining her.

“Mmm, so warm. S’nice,” Lexa murmurs with her right cheek squished against the covers.

“I heated it up for you.”

Lexa hums appreciatively and Clarke grins at how comfortable Lexa already is underneath her, a far cry from how jittery she was when they first met. Or even last week when Lexa posed topless for her. She focuses on Lexa’s shoulder muscles first—which are hard as concrete—determined to work on them until they’re as soft as peanut butter under her fingers. Not wanting to cause Lexa too much discomfort, Clarke gradually increases the pressure. But Lexa’s muscles are so tight that she can’t prevent it entirely, and Lexa’s soft whimpers and groans every time she hits those spots _does things_ to Clarke.

Avoiding the red bruise on Lexa’s flank, Clarke loses herself in the smooth glide of her hands over Lexa’s beautiful features, until a lyric in the soothing music stands out to her. _To be young and in love, indeed,_ she thinks to herself. Her feelings for Lexa continue to grow every time they see each other, especially now that she knows they are mutual. Sure, they haven’t explicitly talked about what those feelings are, but that’s okay. It’s too soon.

 _We’ll have that conversation if—_ when _—things get more serious between us._

Lexa moans when most of the knots in her shoulders have disappeared and Clarke dares to use more pressure to get deeper into the tissue. The sound is different from her previous sounds, no longer soft and contained and out of soreness. It sends a shiver down Clarke’s spine and settles low in her core. Having Lexa under her, nearly naked, sighing and moaning in pleasure, makes her throat dry up even though her mouth waters. She swallows thickly, trying to keep her thoughts clean.

The music has moved on to chant ‘take off, take off, take off all your clothes’, and Clarke cringes. She really hopes Lexa doesn’t think she selected these songs on purpose and that she’s paying more attention to what Clarke’s doing than the suggestive lyrics. But then Lexa squirms. It’s subtle, but hyper-focused on Lexa as she is, Clarke notices. On the next slow stroke of Clarke’s hands over the length of Lexa’s spine, from the twin dimples on her lower back to the curly hairs on her neck, Lexa’s hips grind into the mattress.

Clarke shuts her eyes and takes a deep breath, inhaling the sweet scent of the oil while she presses her thumbs down on Lexa’s neck and starts rubbing them in small circles, moving her attention far away from those hips. When she dares to open her eyes again, they drift down Lexa’s body on their own volition anyway. Clarke is helpless to stop it, there is too much glistening tan skin and defined muscle on display… and she is _weak._

When Lexa minutely lifts her ass and moves like she’s adjusting herself, Clarke’s brain short-circuits. She tries to regulate her breathing, pulling it low in her stomach, but it only makes her painfully aware of the arousal pooling between her legs. She realizes a moment later her hands stopped when Lexa shifted, and she looks up to see that Lexa’s visible ear has turned bright red.

Clarke resumes her slow sweeps over the expanse of Lexa’s back, attempting to cool herself off a bit before she has to face Lexa again. She smiles down at Lexa, completely boneless and soft, and a pleased feeling bubbles up from her belly to her chest. She did good, taking care of this precious girl. She clears her throat before she dares to speak, but it comes out raspy anyway.

“How are you feeling?”

“So good.” Lexa sighs, the corner of her mouth curling up in a content smile.

Clarke means to get up and let Lexa get dressed in privacy, but the moment she climbs off of her, Lexa rolls over onto the towel and grabs Clarke’s arm.

“Thank you, Clarke.”

Lexa seems momentarily startled by her own nudity like she forgot she wasn’t wearing her shirt, but she recovers quickly. It’s not the first time Clarke has seen her topless, after all. But for Clarke it feels distinctly different from the first time. She’s in her element when she’s painting, in a different—a professional—mindset. Her current state of mind is hazy with lust and love, fueled by touching so much of Lexa’s skin and the simmering ache between her legs. It takes a lot of effort, but she manages to keep her eyes fixed on Lexa’s.

“I’m so lucky. Thank you for taking care of me like you do. And for standing up to Ontari the way you did on the field today.”

Lexa looks so sincere, Clarke can’t do anything but stare into her earnest eyes. She doesn’t trust them to look anywhere else, doesn’t trust her voice to produce anything but a gravelly croak.

“What you did… all her taunts and attacks didn’t matter anymore. You really sold it.”

That admission makes Clarke swallow hard. She remembers exactly what she did to show Ontari how she feels about Lexa, and she also remembers holding back. Lexa’s injuries and well-being on the forefront of her mind even though she was trying to conceal it for Lexa’s benefit. Her eyes drop to Lexa’s mouth, like they so often do. Lexa’s lips are still curled in that half smile that makes Clarke weak in the knees.

Before she can stop herself, her gaze travels over Lexa’s jaw, down her neck, lingering a bit on her collarbones, and eventually settles on her chest, which is rising and falling quickly from Lexa’s shallow breaths.

_Fuck. Eyes up, Griffin!_

But when she looks back up, Lexa’s eyes are dark and hooded. She inhales a shaky gulp of breath, and Clarke fixates on those plump parted lips.

When she eventually finds her voice, it’s low and husky.

“I didn’t sell it as hard as I wanted to.”

Lexa wets her lips, holding the bottom one between her teeth for a moment. She reaches up to cup Clarke’s face with her hand, thumb rubbing her cheek. Her hand is a bit clammy, but Clarke leans into the touch anyway. Lexa’s thumb brushes over her mouth, caressing her lips. When she repeats the motion, Clarke kisses the pad of Lexa's thumb, watching as her pupils swallow her irises in response.

Their gazes flit between eyes and mouth for a suspended moment, and then Lexa’s hand travels to her neck, fingers threading through her hair while Lexa rises up and captures Clarke’s lips between her own.

Clarke’s skin flushes on first contact; she feels Lexa’s kiss _everywhere._ It’s so much better than she imagined—and she’s imagined kissing Lexa a lot, dreaming of this moment every day since they met. They’ve shared a few chaste kisses before, but while those were heavenly in their own right, they were shared to comfort and reassure. This is Lexa kissing her, kissing her because she wants to, because she’s ready, because she trusts Clarke. The realization leaves Clarke so dizzy and overwhelmed, she has to steady herself by grabbing Lexa’s shoulder to keep herself grounded.

Lexa’s other hand comes up to her waist and slips under her shirt, squeezing her side. The soft and slightly ticklish touch has Clarke’s mouth opening in a gasp and Lexa takes the opportunity to slip her tongue between Clarke’s parted lips, licking into her mouth. Goosebumps rise over her body when her tongue first meets Lexa’s as their kiss deepens. The first few swipes are tentative and light but soon their kisses grow hungry. She moans when Lexa sucks on her tongue, sending a stab of heat straight between her legs.

Kissing Lexa has Clarke’s body buzzing with excitement and arousal, but she also notices a calm sense of belonging wash over her. Lexa’s lips feel right against hers, they feel like home. It’s not Clarke’s first kiss, but Lexa’s kiss is the first kiss that completely unravels her. The hot glide of Lexa’s tongue against her own is intoxicating. She dips in deeper to taste more of Lexa, already addicted to the way she tastes, warm and sweet.

Clarke realizes she’s never experienced anything this intimate before, but she can’t dwell on the thought for too long. Especially when Lexa gives her waist a slight tug to bring her closer, and Clarke answers by straddling her lap, earning an uninhibited moan from Lexa. They scoot up the bed until Lexa's back is resting on the pillows against the headboard and continue their greedy kisses while Clarke lets her hands explore Lexa’s torso. Rubbing her shoulders, dragging her fingers down Lexa’s front to play with the flexing rings of defined abdominal muscles. Her fingers itch to travel higher, but she stops when she remembers she’s still wearing all her clothes. Suddenly desperate to reach the same state of undress as Lexa, Clarke grabs the hem of her shirt—Lexa’s shirt, technically, though she’s sure she somewhat stretched it out by now—and pulls it up and over her head.

The way Lexa gaped at her chest when she changed into the shirt in the music studio was almost comical. But there is nothing funny about the heated gaze with which Lexa looks at her right now. And if it wasn’t obvious before, one glance at Lexa’s shorts confirms her ardor. But when Lexa notices where Clarke’s focus rests, Lexa’s appreciative gaze becomes an anxious one, averting her eyes and crossing her hands over her lap.

Clarke bends down to give Lexa a kiss she hopes is reassuring. The panic is not quite gone from Lexa’s features, but at least she’s able to look Clarke in the eye again, looking puzzled but also hopeful, like she can’t believe Clarke is still here and not running for the door. Sensing it’s not the right time for a serious conversation, Clarke doesn’t speak. Still trusting Lexa will come to her once she’s ready. What she can do is show Lexa how much she’s into her. All of her. And that’s all that matters to Clarke anyway.

She gently takes Lexa’s hands from where they are crossed over her lap and guides them behind her own back, to the clasp of her bra, letting Lexa know she wants to continue if that’s what Lexa wants as well. Lexa doesn’t move right away, either deciding what to do or slightly overwhelmed. From the way she looks Clarke thinks it’s probably a bit of both. But then Lexa wets her lips as her eyes dip back down into Clarke’s cleavage.

Her mind seemingly made up, Lexa’s hands are steady when she opens the clasp and slides her hands down Clarke’s sides. She doesn’t remove the garment, as if she’s double-checking if Clarke is sure about this. Clarke has to fight the urge to pepper her lover’s face with kisses, bringing the bra straps slowly down her shoulders before tossing it carelessly onto the floor.

 _“Fuck._ Clarke…”

Lexa’s voice is rough with desire, her eyes are wide as she takes in all that Clarke has on display, fingers flexing at Clarke’s sides, eager to touch. And she does, to Clarke’s surprise. Lexa needs no further encouragement to take what’s being offered to her. She brings her soft hands up to cup the swell of Clarke’s breasts, testing their weight in her palms. She kneads them for a moment, an awed expression on her face. The attention has Clarke’s nipples hard in seconds and Lexa rubs her thumbs over them a few times before she sits up straighter to replace one of her hands with her mouth.

It feels so good. Lexa’s tongue is just as wicked playing with her nipples as it is sliding against her own, eagerly lapping at them. She’s kissing, sucking, and licking first one side and then paying equal attention to the other until Clarke’s squirming in her lap. She throws her head back and moans to the ceiling when Lexa discovers her weakness, flicking the pointed tip of her tongue against a straining peak. Each pass of Lexa’s tongue makes her clit pulse in answer, her hips jerking in needy little circles until Lexa switches sides and her body jolts, grinding firmly into Lexa’s lap.

She watches as Lexa’s mouth detaches from her nipple and drops open in a silent ‘oh’, and Clarke mirrors her. Everything about this gorgeous girl has her going nearly mad with lust. That trembling lower lip, the glassy green eyes looking up at her, the sculpted cheekbones carrying a light flush… and how she could feel Lexa through multiple layers of fabric, making her inner walls flutter and clench around nothing.

They crash their mouths together in a kiss that’s all tongue and teeth, deep and dirty. Clarke runs her hands down Lexa’s back before bringing them to her front, rubbing the remaining oil from her massage over Lexa’s breasts until they’re slippery and shiny. She plays with Lexa’s nipples, tugging and plucking at them softly, coaxing all kinds of wonderful sounds from Lexa’s mouth. Lexa’s hands grab her ass and hold her close, bodies flush. Both their breasts now covered in oil, hardened nipples grazing, a smooth and electrifying glide.

Clarke’s struggling to hold back. She’s never been this turned on in her life. She’s intent to let Lexa feel how badly she wants her, without pushing her too far, too fast.

“I want you,” she breathes against full lips, dipping lower to nip at that sculpted jaw. She kisses her way to Lexa's neck and licks the shell of her pink little ear. “Want you so bad.”

Lexa’s reply comes in a whimper and hot panting breaths against her neck before she bites down on Clarke’s pulse point.

“Lexa, please. Touch me.”

For a moment Clarke’s afraid she’s gone too far, scolding herself for pressuring Lexa. She’s about to tell Lexa it’s okay if she’s not ready and that they can stop any time she wants, but then she feels Lexa’s hands slide down her body, blunt nails raking over her stomach and undoing the button of her cut-offs. The sound of her zipper being pulled down has a fresh wave of wetness seeping into her already soaked underwear. She wants to jump off Lexa’s lap, remove every scrap of clothing between them, and then hop back on, ready to mount whatever Lexa’s willing to give her.

She holds back, with some effort. If only because she’s curious to see what Lexa will do now that she’s gotten free reign from Clarke.

Lexa continues marking her neck, suckling and biting, and Clarke shivers at the possessiveness of it. They aren’t together officially, not yet, but Clarke will wear Lexa’s non-verbal claim on her with pride. She rolls her hips against Lexa to urge those hands currently rubbing her thighs to the place where she needs to be touched most.

Lexa doesn’t tease her for long. She brings her mouth up to Clarke’s lips and slips her hand into Clarke’s shorts. Clarke gasps into Lexa’s mouth. It feels so good to finally have Lexa’s hands on her, even over the damp fabric of her panties. But it’s not what she wants. What she _needs._ Thankfully, all it takes is one more plea from Clarke and Lexa’s hand retracts, only to dip back in again underneath the two layers of clothing.

The first slide of Lexa’s slim fingers through her drenched folds has Clarke moaning and cursing under her breath. She’d be embarrassed by the evidence of her arousal if it didn’t give Lexa such a confidence boost.

“Jesus, Clarke. You’re so wet,” she says while exploring with her fingers, gathering up the slick and spreading it around.

“This is what you do to me, Lexa. I’m so attracted to you.”

Lexa tries different strokes, teasing Clarke’s clit by circling around it and then brushing over the tip with the lightest of touches. She’s watching Clarke closely to see what gets the strongest reaction. If she’s never done this before, it doesn’t show. Lexa works her up so fast she feels the need to bury her face in Lexa’s neck to keep from coming just minutes after Lexa started touching her.

When Lexa slides down to tease her entrance, Clarke is about ready to explode. She’s been clinging to Lexa’s back, scratching her nails against Lexa’s scalp, playing with those perfect little tits, but she wants more. She wants to feel and touch, to draw out the same cries of pleasure from Lexa that she’s making herself. She breaks free from Lexa’s insistent lips, grabbing her cheeks with both hands to keep her from leaning in again.

Looking into Lexa’s eyes, she doesn’t quite know how to verbalize what she wants. Lexa’s pupils are blown, swallowing Clarke whole, and the fingers still circling Clarke’s opening certainly don’t make it any easier for her to find the right words. In the end, she decides to show instead of tell. She drops her eyes to Lexa’s lap, followed by her hands as they drag down Lexa’s neck, pass down her chest with a brief squeeze, and scrape down her abdomen before coming to rest at the waistband of Lexa’s shorts.

Having shown what she wants, Clarke looks back up to see Lexa stare back at her with dark eyes, panting softly through parted lips. Lexa doesn't speak but the internal battle she's waging is written on her face.

 

*******

 

She’s freaking out. She has Clarke on her lap, she’s been kissing Clarke, she has her hand down Clarke’s shorts, and she’s two seconds away from slipping inside of her. Inside Clarke, who is so very wet for her. So she’s freaking the fuck out. Because this is her wildest dream come true. The dream she’s been having since the day she met Clarke at the club. And best of all, Clarke wants to touch her, too. She’s done this once before when she was eighteen, when she had a brief fling with a girl who let herself be touched but did not want to touch Lexa.

Now she’s straddled by a bombshell who’s looking at her like she wants to ravish her, already licking her lips at what’s to come.

She wants this, more than anything. She trusts Clarke. She _wants_ Clarke. She just has a hard time voicing her desire while she’s sputtering on air.

In the end she manages a quick nod before surging up and claiming Clarke’s lips in a searing kiss once more. Clarke doesn’t hesitate for a second, kissing her back with equal hunger, and lets out an actual whine when Lexa retracts her hand from Clarke’s slit. She quickly catches on to Lexa’s intent when she starts tugging on Clarke’s shorts. They part as long as it takes for Clarke to wiggle her way out of her shorts and underwear. Lexa watches and tries to take it all in, saliva pooling in her mouth at the sight of Clarke bare before her.

With a final look for consent, which Lexa gives by lifting her hips, Clarke drags Lexa’s shorts down her legs until they’re both completely naked.

Clarke settles over her lap again, attacking her lips, hands roaming over her entire body as if she can’t get enough, needs to feel everything at once. Her nipples are already oversensitive from Clarke’s torturously nimble fingers, and when those fingers travel south once more, Lexa sucks in a breath and holds it.

She exhales roughly when Clarke’s hand wraps around her for the first time. Clarke squeezes her softly as if to reassure her, and for some reason, it works. The tension she’d unknowingly held in her shoulders the past couple of minutes releases in an instant. Clarke continues, the first exploratory pump of her fist makes a whimper break free from behind Lexa’s sealed lips.

_Oh my god. This is it. Clarke’s touching me. Actually touching me. Holy fuck._

Clarke’s touch is the only thing she can focus on for some time, her world reduced to whichever glorious ways Clarke’s stroking her. Clarke’s thumb rubbing small circles over the sensitive spot just under her aching head, brushing over the tip to spread the drops of wetness leaking from her in small trickles. Changing to slow pumps from tip to base once she’s slick enough to ensure a smooth glide.

 _It’s so different from my own hand, so much_ better _than my own hand._

Now that they’re both naked, she can smell the heady scent of Clarke’s arousal in the air. When Clarke’s wet center brushes the top of her leg—still mindful of the bruise on the inside—she’s reminded of where she left off. She brings her fingers back to the apex of Clarke’s thighs, slicking the digits once more before nudging them against Clarke’s entrance.

“Please, your fingers… inside.”

Lexa doesn’t need to be told twice. She would like to tease Clarke a little while, but they're both so worked up that Lexa doesn't want to delay Clarke's pleasure any longer. She starts by slowly sinking her middle finger into Clarke’s smooth center. Throbbing heavily in Clarke’s fist when she’s in up to her knuckles. Clarke is tight and hot and so, so wet. There are ridges along her front wall that feel unlike anything she expected. She explores further by rubbing her finger against it, causing Clarke to violently buck into her hand.

“Fuck. Feels so good. Add another?” Clarke pants, their foreheads touching.

She draws back and adds her index finger, studying Clarke’s face for traces of discomfort when she pushes both fingers inside her. Instead of showing discomfort, Clarke’s mouth opens in a silent moan and her eyes roll into the back of her head. It takes no time until Clarke is wildly bucking her hips onto Lexa’s fingers. She lets Clarke set the pace, staring up in awe at Clarke’s face, looking like a blonde goddess in pleasure.

Lexa hooks her finger forward and tries to keep up with Clarke’s motions, encouraged by Clarke’s breathy praise of ‘Yes, like that. Fuck yes, don’t stop’. She brushes her thumb against Clarke’s clit by accident when she changes the angle of her hand to battle the pins and needles in her wrist, earning a filthy moan from Clarke that she’s sure filtered through to the living room where Anya and Raven are probably watching television, but she doesn’t care. She keeps brushing her thumb against Clarke’s clit while she hooks the fingers fucking up into Clarke against her front wall on every other stroke.

All she cares about in this moment is Clarke’s pleasure, desperate to see her come, for her, because of her. When kissing deprives them of oxygen too much, she bites and sucks on Clarke’s neck while muttering in her ear how beautiful she is, how amazing she feels and how lucky she feels to have met someone as wonderful as Clarke.

“I’m the lucky one. I wanted you from the moment I saw you,” Clarke tells her between groans and gasps. “And now I have you. I—oh fuck, I’m so close.”

Their shared pleasure becomes an urgent ache, a need that leaves no room for talking. Lexa tries to hold back, just barely, determined to make Clarke climax first. She nips at Clarke’s neck, licking up from the crook to her jaw, panting in Clarke’s ear. “Come for me, Clarke.”

Clarke does. Her body jerks a few more times while Lexa pumps and hooks her fingers against Clarke’s most sensitive places, and then she goes rigid. A loud moan—the loudest one yet—that raises the downy hairs on the back of Lexa’s neck fills the room and then Clarke shudders on top of her, breathing heavily. Through it all, Clarke never stops stroking her. Clarke looks at her with hazy eyes, pumping fist speeding up, while her body twitches through the aftershocks of her orgasm.

“Let go, Lexa. Come with me.”

Lexa seeks Clarke’s lips to stifle their combined sounds of pleasure as Clarke continues clamping down on her fingers, fluttering wildly and bucking her hips, and Lexa wonders how Clarke would feel gripping her length instead of her fingers. She can’t hold back any longer at that, doesn’t want to hold back any longer. Her own release rushes through her entire body before bursting free from her tip in hot pulses. She’s coming for Clarke, her orgasm drawn from her by Clarke’s words, the burning look in her eyes and the thought of maybe one day feeling Clarke come around her.

Clarke falls into a boneless heap next to her, their skin covered in a fine layer of sweat and come, the last aftershocks occasionally causing their muscles to twitch. Lexa feels her eyes droop instantly. The match—battle, more like—against Azgeda already took it out on her. Their most recent activity certainly did her in. Clarke grabs the towel from where it’s hanging off one side of the bed and gently cleans them both before she kisses Lexa’s cheek and gets up to lift the covers of Lexa’s bed. “Get in sleepy, you need to rest.”

Lexa is about to protest when a yawn takes her by surprise. She merely nods in agreement. With monumental effort, she rolls to the other side of the bed where Clarke has lifted the blanket for her. She’s about ready to pass out now that she’s relaxed and sated and so very happy to curl up against Clarke, who has joined her on the other side of the bed, snuggling into her open arms.

They wrap their arms around each other, holding on tight for a moment before they relax into a slow, languid kiss. She pulls back to look at Clarke for a moment.

“Will you stay with me?”

Clarke’s smile is wide and beautiful.

“I wouldn’t dream of leaving.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Please leave us a comment if you like this story. Your responses encourage us to keep writing.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still on cloud nine after her night with Clarke, Lexa's day is about to take a turn for the worse...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all. We want to thank you for your patience while we were working on this chapter and extended the outline for this story. We wanted to get it up before the end of the year and we're already working on the next one! In case you forgot what happened in the last chapter, take a look at this incredible artwork by Kredkadt of Clarke taking care of Lexa.  
>   
> Check out her other works on tumblr @unreleasedsong-is-kredkadt. We're completely blown away by her talent and feel incredibly lucky she drew our Clexa.

The next morning, Lexa wakes up in a dreamlike daze with one of Clarke’s arms draped around her torso. She smiles at the memory of falling asleep to the sound of Clarke’s light snoring. Sometime during the night, Lexa must have turned around because they are no longer facing each other. Clarke has wrapped herself around Lexa’s back, her snores replaced with deep, steady breaths against the back of Lexa’s neck. Lexa turns around carefully, running her fingers through Clarke’s hair to gently wake her up, knowing she has to leave soon.

Clarke stirs a bit, mumbling something under her breath. Lexa continues to softly run her nails along Clarke’s scalp, cajoling her awake.

“It’s time,” she whispers against Clarke’s temple.

Clarke buries her head deeper into the crook of Lexa’s neck.

“You’re going to be late if you don’t get up now.”

Clarke grumbles something unintelligible and shakes her head.

“If you get up now I’ll make you breakfast,” Lexa tries.

Clarke deliberates for a moment, then pulls back far enough to appraise Lexa with one sleepy blue eye before surrendering and humming in acceptance.

Lexa kisses her forehead before slipping out of bed and into some sweatpants. Clarke begrudgingly gets up as well and after a parting kiss at the foot of the bed she disappears into the bathroom while Lexa heads to the kitchen to make breakfast.

Lexa doesn’t want Clarke to cancel her plans to go home for the weekend. It’s been two months since Clarke saw her mother last and Lexa doesn’t want to be the reason for her showing up late or skipping it all together. Even if Clarke told her repeatedly she'd rather stay and spend the weekend with her, Lexa wishes she still had a mom to visit on the weekends. She also doesn’t want to give Clarke’s mother any reason for disliking her by keeping her only daughter away from her.

Breakfast is a quick affair where Clarke inhales a bagel and a strong cup of coffee before she has to get up to make the two-hour drive to her mom's.

“I’ll text you when I can.” Clarke gives her a tender kiss that lingers far longer than she has time for and heads out, clutching the paper bag containing the rest of her breakfast in one hand as she hops into her car.

Lexa watches her drive off until she’s out of sight, then limps back to the couch, suddenly very aware of the injuries she sustained yesterday. Settling on the sofa, she elevates her leg on a pillow and stares up at the ceiling, her head swimming with thoughts of last night: the game, the aftermath, the confrontation with Ontari, Clarke defending her as Anya wailed on Ontari.

In that moment she felt safe. Truly loved and cared for. It’s such a new concept for her that she still has to try and get used to it.

 

*******

 

They exchange a few texts throughout the weekend, but Clarke stays radio silent for the most part. She did give Lexa fair warning that her mom has a fairly strict "no cell phone" policy whenever Clarke comes to visit. They rarely get to spend time together with Abby's hectic hospital schedule and the fact that she’s two hours away. But Clarke manages to sneak in a few texts at night, long after Lexa falls asleep. They were nice to wake up to, though.

Monday morning comes and Lexa's sitting at her usual booth at the diner off campus waiting for Anya to meet her for breakfast. She lifts her leg to rest it on a bar underneath the table, trying to lessen the pressure on her bruised thigh. The cut on her head is healing nicely but still requires a small bandage.

She rubs her head gently and smiles, once again flashing back to the way Clarke took such good care of her after the game. And then the moments leading up to when Clarke straddled her. Lexa blushes as the flashbacks start overwhelming her senses. The sounds, the look in Clarke's eyes, the vision of Clarke on top of her, feeling Clarke against her skin, Clarke’s hands on her, touching her, stroking her…

A pleasant shiver runs down her spine remembering how incredible it felt. It was unlike anything she could have ever imagined. She had envisioned what it would be like a couple of times, thinking about Clarke as she got herself off, but nothing could prepare her for the reality of Clarke’s impatient hands tugging down her shorts, the need she felt herself also present in Clarke’s darkened eyes. And the look on her face when she finally got her prize, almost reverent, like she couldn’t quite believe Lexa didn’t refuse her.

_Like I would or could ever refuse an actual goddess…_

Lexa swallows the pool of saliva that’s formed in her mouth as a result of her thoughts. She hopes Anya will show up soon to distract her because if she doesn’t stop now things might get a bit uncomfortable. It's too much and she's pretty sure she's bright red. She's been on a cloud all weekend, and her high has increased tenfold because she gets to see Clarke later today. Even though she knows she needs to stop thinking about their night together, the memories are much stronger than her feeble thoughts of sensibility.

She’d always thought she'd be terrified experiencing that level of intimacy for the first time, but she feels relieved more than anything. This was the most intimate she's ever been with another person, the first time she'd ever been touched by someone. The fact that it was Clarke—coaxing her through it, whispering calming words of encouragement—made all the difference to her experience. She can't help but feel like she’s the luckiest girl in the world. Clarke Griffin’s naked body on top of hers, taking her fingers and squeezing down around them, making Clarke come while Clarke worked her up to the most powerful orgasm she ever had…

She shifts in her seat and mentally chastises herself, biting the inside of her cheek. The sharp pain offers some clarity to her clouded mind and effectively wipes the goofy smile off her face before Anya catches sight of it, knowing Anya will tease her about it to no end. Just like she knows her cousin is going to beg her for details, especially after the text she received from her Friday night, stating that she would be staying at Raven's for the weekend, fleeing due to the moans coming from Lexa's room. She should have been embarrassed by the text, but with Clarke asleep in her arms, nothing else mattered.

Lexa looks around the diner. Anya's not usually late, being the punctual project manager she is, and Lexa's getting restless. She wants to call Clarke just to hear her voice and she feels slightly pathetic and needy because of it. If Clarke was her girlfriend, officially, she doubts she’d feel this way about wanting to hear Clarke’s voice. She also wants to know Clarke is okay with everything that transpired between them on Friday. Before she can reach for it, her phone lights up on the table in front of her with a text from Clarke.

_“I miss you. I hope it's okay to say that and doesn't sound too clingy or anything. I just wanted you to know I miss you and I can't wait to see you.”_

Lexa feels her face flush as she bites back a grin, but before she can respond, she's interrupted by a rather intrusive voice.

"Hey, no sexting at the table. I haven't had my coffee yet."

Anya plops down in the seat in front of Lexa, throwing her bag down unceremoniously.

Lexa rolls her eyes. "We weren't sexting."

"You're blushing and grinning like an idiot at a text on your phone."

Lexa hands the phone over to Anya, somewhat embarrassed by the content of the text, but more excited about Clarke's words. She's glad she has someone to share it with.

Anya reads it and nods. "Well shit, if that isn't the sweetest thing I've ever read. I knew that girl would be good for you."

Lexa narrows her eyes at her cousin. "How would you know that?"

"Because, Commander Swoony, Raven and Octavia wouldn't shut up about their 'amazing friend' and how they could totally see her with you. So I finally agreed to help them out with their little plan. That night at the club, just watching you two together, I could tell."

Lexa smiles in spite of herself. "I never did thank you for that, by the way. For introducing us."

"Well, you can thank Octavia and Raven for that, but if you really want to thank me, you can pay for my breakfast."

“Alright, consider it a thank you and an apology for Friday evening.”

"Don’t mention it, kid. I’m just happy you’re getting some."

Lexa groans and hides her face in her hands. Leave it to Anya to say something nice wrapped up in a tease. She emerges when the waiter comes over to take their orders. He’s back with a green tea for Lexa and a cup of black coffee for Anya a minute later. Lexa looks around the diner, mostly to avoid her cousin’s eyes which she can feel on her. She’s absentmindedly dipping the tea bag into the steaming water when Anya pipes up.

"Instead of sitting here trying to ignore my existence, you could just give me all the dirty details of your debaucherous night with Clarke while we’re waiting."

"Can you not put it that way? It really wasn't like that."

"So what _was_ it like?"

Lexa finds herself blushing again. "It was… nice."

Anya huffs. "Nice? I need some juicy details here. We both know how sweet and pure-hearted Clarke is. Now I need to know about the raunchier side of her. I know she's gotta have one."

"Jesus, what is this, a locker room? I don't feel comfortable sharing the intimate details. Clarke was really sweet and encouraging and she made me feel good about myself.”

"Did you…" Anya makes a somewhat dirty gesture. Lexa swats her hands away and looks around to make sure nobody saw.

"Can you not? We just… it was all hands. But it was so much more, you know? It felt like so much more."

Anya smiles. “I know I joke around a lot, but I’m really happy to be having this conversation with you. Not just because you found someone you trust and let them in, but also because you can talk to me about it. I'm always here if you need me, kid."

"I know. Thank you."

Seemingly maxed out on her amount of honest affection for the day, Anya leans back with her hands behind her head and a devilish grin on her face.

"So, should we go out to get you some condoms after breakfast?"

"Anya!"

 

*******

 

Lexa walks to school with her headphones in, hands tucked away in the pockets of her college zipper hoodie, softly humming along to the song that’s been stuck in her head since Clarke played it while massaging her back. She’s surprised by a car she didn’t see coming when she tries to cross the street, too distracted by her never-ending daydream of Clarke. Now that she knows what it feels like to kiss Clarke, remembers what she tastes like, it’s been torture on Lexa not being able to kiss her for over forty-eight hours.

Her thoughts drift to their date after class. They arranged to meet in Lexa’s music studio and go to Clarke’s place from there to spend some time together. Even though she’s terrified Clarke might not want any strings, she’s been thinking of bringing up the subject of what they are to each other, desperately wanting to know where she stands. Clarke told her she wanted her while they were having sex, but Lexa doesn’t want to assume Clarke meant more than wanting her in the physical sense, which was already unbelievable enough for Lexa. Without hearing the words straight from Clarke’s mouth, she won’t be able to believe Clarke wants to be with her.

She turns the corner onto campus and bumps into a girl from her piano class, their shoulders catching and throwing them off balance a bit. Lexa reaches out to steady the girl but she steps back moves her arm out of Lexa’s reach. The girl—Fran, Fae, Flor? She can’t remember her name—looks at Lexa with wide eyes for a few seconds after she’s found her footing and then bolts off without saying a single word.

Lexa shakes her head, not knowing what to make of the girl’s—Fox, she finally remembers—behaviour. Fox is the shy and quiet type, they’ve never spoken to each other outside of class, but she’s always polite. Lexa has never seen her act like this. She catches a few more stares from people she vaguely recognizes and some strangers until she runs into Maya, who seems to be engrossed in her phone. Maya is a composition major like Lexa, with violin as her principal instrument. They practice together from time to time.

“Maya, hey.”

Maya looks slightly startled when she looks up at Lexa, blinking a few times with her mouth hanging open. Eventually, she speaks.

“Hey, um… Lexa. Hi.”

“Is everything alright?” Lexa asks tentatively. She’s starting to feel unsettled by the strange looks everyone’s been giving her.

Maya drops her gaze, she fidgets with her phone cover, sucks on her bottom lip and looks wildly uncomfortable overall. The awkward silence and Maya’s body language have Lexa holding her breath in anticipation. She can feel in her gut something is terribly wrong. Preemptive anxiety has a fine layer of sweat sprouting on the back of her neck.

“Is it true?” Maya asks.

Expecting an answer, Lexa is thrown off by the question. “What are you talking about?”

Maya unlocks her phone, opens a social media app and scrolls past a few posts before she hands the phone to Lexa.

With a shaking hand, Lexa takes it. The first thing she sees is a picture of herself taken during a soccer match. She scrolls down and reads the post made by a user called Glacies666.

_Lexa Woods has a nasty secret: she’s a FREAK!!! She’s not a ‘she’ at all. IT shouldn’t be on the WOMEN’S soccer team because IT does not have the right parts! This is a warning. People deserve to know the truth. BAN THE FREAK!!!_

For a moment it feels like time stands still, her brain temporarily overloaded. Then the floodgates burst open. Realization hits her like a freight train, her stomach drops to her knees and she can’t breathe. She somehow hands the phone back to Maya even though she can’t see anything, her vision gone blurry. She feels like she’s going to be sick, her throat already constricting.

_No no no. This isn’t happening. This can’t be happening. I need to get out of here. Disappear. Never come back._

“Lexa, wait! It’s okay…”

Maya’s voice sounds far away. She’s not okay, but she can’t speak. Her feet carry her toward her music studio on auto-pilot. She ups her pace and keeps her head down. If people are staring at her, she doesn’t want to know. She almost makes it to the music building when someone suddenly steps in her way, bumping into her roughly and sending her back a few steps. When she looks up her eyes find a boy she vaguely recognizes with a malicious grin on his face.

“Where are you off to in such a hurry?” He looks her up and down, face like a shark smelling blood in the water. “Who knew the object of Clarke Griffin’s affections would have such a dirty little secret. Does she even know? Bet this has her running for the hills, or preferably, running straight to me.”

He looks around to his three buddies, all chuckling at his remark. “Maybe you’ll finally get lucky, Murph,” says one of them. She tries to walk around them but the guy grabs her bicep.

“What’s the matter, freak? Afraid mine’s bigger and your too-hot-for-you girlfriend is gonna leave your ass so she can bounce on this?” He says while lewdly grabbing his junk with the hand not holding Lexa. His comrades roar with laughter at her expense, patting him on the back. She jerks her arm out of his grasp and charges through them, running until she’s inside the music building.

Once she’s reached her safe haven she locks the door and slumps against it, sliding down to the floor. With shaking hands, she pulls down the zipper of her hoodie, desperate to be relieved from the confinement and to cool her overheated, sweaty skin. The moment the garment comes off, goosebumps rise on her arms and neck. Her chest heaves from her quick and shallow breaths. The lump in her dry throat prevents her from filling her screaming lungs. Tears stream down her cheeks, hot blood pounding in her ears. Without any sense of time, she sits there, swept away by the tidal wave of her emotions, feeling the control over her body and mind slip away and she’s helpless to stop it.

When she comes back to herself enough to take stock of her situation, she finds herself curled into a ball on the floor, cold and stiff. The cut on her head throbs against the carpet in time with the hammering inside her head. She sits up slowly, rubbing itching eyes. She closes them and takes a deep breath.

_This is it. I’m living in my worst nightmare now._

Every cell in her body wants to dissolve, get sucked into space or swallowed up by the earth. There’s just one other thought that wiggles its way to the forefront of her brain:

_Clarke._

A vice grips her heart and she chokes on a sob. She’s already imagined multiple scenarios of fleeing while she was laying on the floor; moving to another city, transferring to another school, studying abroad on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean. Anything to get away from here. But that would mean leaving Clarke…

She thinks back to what that asshole said to her. Not the bit where he graphically described— _Ugh. No._ She knows Clarke would never. But he might be right about the other part, of Clarke being too hot for her. She already knows Clarke is popular and desired by a lot of people, and rightfully so; she’s the most beautiful girl on campus. She could date anyone she wanted.

_So why would she want to be with me, the university freak?_

What happened between them Friday night doesn’t matter. Not anymore. Everything changed the moment she was outed. Clarke might have been okay with Lexa being intersex before, but the whole university knowing Clarke Griffin is dating the freak? She doesn’t want to do that to Clarke. Maybe it’s for the best they aren’t officially dating, so Clarke has an out and can easily distance herself from Lexa.

_She’s better off without me._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Lexa! Let us know your thoughts in the comments below or on tumblr [@syngularitysyn](https://syngularitysyn.tumblr.com) and [@sheis-me](https://sheis-me.tumblr.com).


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke goes to campus armed with a single rose and a big question on her mind. But when she hears Lexa has been outed, she has to put her plan on hold, or does she…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone. As some of you have already noticed, we changed our names! Well, one of us did. VolatileVision changed their name to Syngularity and I moved this story from Everadream to my main account: Sheisme. As always, we hope you enjoy this chapter and hope to hear from you in the comments.

After battling the other students in the parking lot for a decent spot like she does every Monday morning, Clarke makes her way across the campus towards the music building. Having thought only about Lexa for the past few days, her entire weekend has been leading up to this moment; she finally gets to see Lexa’s gorgeous face again. She gets to hug her, kiss her, and hopefully someday soon, gets to spend another steamy night with her like last Friday, the events of which had replayed in her head on a constant loop over the weekend.

She takes a deep breath as she grips the single lavender rose in her hand, anxious to give it to Lexa and ask her if she wants to be her girlfriend. Perhaps it’s a bit too soon, but Clarke is willing to take the risk. She doesn’t want to go another day without calling Lexa her girlfriend if Lexa will have her.

When she approaches the music building, she can’t contain her smile. The campus is buzzing as she weaves through students rushing to get to their destinations, but Clarke’s singular mission of getting to Lexa leaves her with tunnel vision. It’s a few moments before she even registers that someone is trying to get her attention.

“Clarke.”

She feels a tap on her shoulder and turns around to see who it is.

“Oh, hey Echo. Can we talk later? I’m kind of in a hurry.”

“Clarke, wait.” Echo pauses for a moment, shifting her weight. “It’s Lexa.”

The mere mention of Lexa’s name sends a shiver of excitement throughout her body.

“What about her? I’m supposed to meet her on the steps.”

Echo hesitates a moment before continuing.

“Did you hear what people are saying?”

“About what?”

Echo pinches the bridge of her nose and shifts her weight from one leg to the other, struggling to find the right words and Clarke huffs with impatience.

_I seriously don’t have time for this._

“About Lexa. Someone posted something about her on social media. And now it’s all over school.” She pulls out her phone and hands it to Clarke. “I tried looking for her, but I didn’t see her in the music building. I wanted to call her, but I don’t have her number and…”

Clarke vaguely hears Echo going on about something, but it’s all white noise the moment she reads what’s been posted about Lexa. Her eyes zero in on one word: _freak._ A stab of ice pierces her heart, and she swears she can feel it stop beating for a moment. That word, that _fucking_ word in the same sentence as the name of the talented and precious girl she loves, a word Lexa has used to describe herself in the past, makes her heart ache and her jaw clench. Her initial panic fades quickly, replaced by blind rage aimed at the person who did this to Lexa.

“Fuck.”

“Clarke, you should find her. Make sure she’s okay. Some people have been saying some pretty shitty things, and I know she’s kind of sensitive. I’m worried about her.”

_Echo’s right, I’m of no use to Lexa angry. I have to comfort her, protect her…_

Clarke barely registers whatever Echo says after that, only nods when she hands the phone back. If she was eager to see Lexa before, she’s desperate to see her now. She makes sure to thank Echo and runs up the front steps to the music building to search for Lexa.

_I need to find her and make sure she’s okay. Maybe she went home. I should call Anya._

Before she can even pull up her contact list, her phone starts ringing.

“Lincoln, where is she?”

“Clarke, come to the music studio. The one where Lexa practices. She needs you.”

His tone is calm, but his voice is tinged with concern, which says a lot considering how laid-back he usually is.

“On my way.”

Clarke runs into the building and takes the steps two at a time until she’s on the second floor and hurrying down the hallway. She stops when she sees Lincoln outside the door. He looks relieved to see her and starts walking towards her.

“Thank God you’re here. She’s locked herself in there. Won’t come out. I’ve tried, but she won’t open the door. I rushed over as soon as I heard. This is where she goes when she needs to be alone.”

Clarke nods and stares at the door behind Lincoln. She pictures Lexa on the other side, feeling alone and devastated. The need to get to her is overwhelming, but first she has to compose herself, for Lexa’s sake. She swallows the lump in her throat and takes a deep breath.

“It’s bad, isn’t it, Lincoln?”

“It is. Lexa can take a lot of shit, but this is going to be hard for her to come back from.”

Clarke closes her eyes and mentally prepares herself. She’s about to walk around Lincoln to step up to the door when he grabs her wrist.

“Wait. I need to make sure you’re not going to do anything to make the situation worse.”

Clarke bristles, about to counter him but then checks herself, remembering how close Lincoln and Lexa are. He’s just looking out for Lexa, same as her.

Clarke holds up the rose. “I was going to ask her to be my girlfriend today. I mean, I still am. Nothing will ever change how I feel about her.”

Lincoln loosens his grip on her wrist and backs away.

“Then I’ll leave you to it. Please have Lexa call Anya or me when she’s feeling up for it?”

“I will.”

She turns back to the door and knocks lightly three times.

“Lexa?”

No answer.

“Lexa, it’s Clarke.”

She can hear sniffling coming from the other side, but no movement.

“Lex, please. Can I come in?”

She waits a while, not wanting to put too much pressure on Lexa. She presses her ear to the door and can make out a little bit of shuffling. It’s another minute before she hears the click of the lock. The door doesn’t open, but she takes this as an invitation from Lexa to come inside.

She knocks softly one more time before opening the door. Lexa sits on the floor against the back wall, looking defeated and broken. It kills Clarke to see her like this. She wants to cry but knows she has to suck it up. Lexa is the vulnerable one right now. Clarke can fall apart at a later time. When she’s alone in her room, she can sob in her bed and wonder what kind of despicable human being could bring pain to such a gentle soul like Lexa Woods.

Clarke locks the door behind her and walks across the room to sit down on the floor next to Lexa. They both stare ahead at nothing in particular. Clarke is uncertain how to approach Lexa, but perhaps she should first try to bring a little levity to the situation.

“You’re late for our date.”

Lexa sniffles and nods. “Yeah.”

“I’ve looked forward to it all weekend.”

From her peripheral, she can see Lexa wiping her eyes.

“You have?”

The way her voice quivers with both hope and confusion shatters Clarke’s heart.

“Of course. You’re all I can think about. My mom even asked me what had me so distracted.”

Clarke chances a glance over at her. Lexa lowers her eyes and a small blush creeps across her cheeks. It’s too adorable for Clarke to handle. She reaches down and takes Lexa’s hand in hers, intertwining their fingers.

“I told her about you.”

Lexa still can’t look her in the eyes.

“You did?”

“I had to. She wouldn’t stop asking me why I was smiling all the time. I didn’t say too much. Just that I met a girl and that she’s exceptional.”

She picks up the rose from the floor next to her and hands it to Lexa, who takes it somewhat shakily.

“It’s beautiful,” she observes just above a whisper.

_So are you._

“Lexa?”

Clarke reaches out to stroke Lexa’s cheek, willing her to look up. She’s relieved to find that it works. Even red-rimmed and watery, Lexa’s green eyes take her breath away. She knows Lexa must be able to read the storm of emotions that rage inside of her, they’re too powerful for her to hide them. But that’s okay, she tells herself. It’s okay if Lexa can see how much I care.

She’s in uncharted territory, unsure of what to say and if there’s something she can do for Lexa. Since their last painting session, Clarke had done some research in her free time, scouring the net for intersex and transgender resources. The latter being a lot easier to find than the former. But there is no guide on how to comfort your crush who’s just been publicly outed against their will. In the end, she figures it’s best to ask Lexa.

“Do you trust me?”

“Yes,” Lexa says immediately. Like she has no doubt about her answer. Relieved and a bit more confident, Clarke rubs circles on the back of Lexa’s hand with her thumb.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“We probably should,” Lexa says after a deep sigh. “I have trouble talking about it, but I know I should’ve told you I’m intersex much sooner. Weeks ago. I wanted to, but there was never a right time, and when there was, I was too scared. I owe you an explanation.”

Clarke tries to listen to Lexa as she goes on, but Lexa’s body language is too distracting, it’s all she can focus on. Lexa’s scratching at a piece of skin on her thumb, probably something she started picking loose before Clarke joined her in the studio. Her breathing has become fast and shallow, causing her voice to waver, and she can’t stop wiggling her foot. Clarke squeezes Lexa’s hand and kisses it, interrupting Lexa.

“Lexa, you don’t owe me anything, and you don’t have to talk about it. You can tell me some other time, but only if you want to. You being intersex changes nothing for me, all I care about is how it affects you.”

Lexa sighs, looking relieved. She squeezes Clarke’s hand in reply.

“Thank you, Clarke. I…” She throws her head back, resting it against the wall. “It’s always been difficult. My entire life I’ve been terrified of what would happen if someone found out.”

She turns her head to look at Clarke, the corners of her mouth pointing down. “Now I know.”

“Has anyone said anything to you today?”

“I got held up by some guy and his goons. I don’t know him, he looks like a ratty knock-off version of Draco Malfoy. Murph is what his buddies called him, I believe. Said some very unpleasant thing I don’t wish to repeat about me, and you.”

“Murphy? That slick bastard. Please, don’t listen to a word he says. He’s been after me since his girlfriend dumped him for cheating on her. He doesn’t understand what ‘no’ means and is an overall garbage human being.”

Lexa hums in agreement though she doesn’t seem convinced.

“Do you know who could’ve done this?”

“Could've? Yeah, but I honestly don’t know. I thought nobody knew but apparently my whole team was aware without me telling them, so who knows how many people figured me out. It doesn’t matter anymore at this point. It’s out there now.”

Lexa sucks on her bottom lip and looks away from Clarke. “I think I should change schools, maybe move to a different city… or just stay in this room until the end of my days.”

Clarke’s heart breaks in her chest. Her fingers itch to soothe the pain Lexa feels but she knows she can’t do anything except offer Lexa comfort.

“Come here.”

She lets go of Lexa’s hand and holds her arm up for Lexa. After a moment of hesitation, Lexa leans into her, crawling into the space offered. Clarke closes the circle with her other arm and hugs Lexa tight.

“I can’t face them, Clarke. I can’t do this. And I appreciate you being here but I don’t want people to harass you for being close to me.”

Lexa’s voice sounds small and shaky, scared. Her words sting a little, but Clarke knows the thoughts behind them, so she doesn’t let her exasperation show.

“Don’t worry about me. I can handle it.” _I can handle anything for you,_ she thinks to herself. “And not to make light of the situation, but it might just be that a week from now people will have moved on to the next rumor that catches their attention.” She can feel Lexa open her mouth and take a breath to answer when she adds. “And if any ignorant bigots treat you differently because you’re not dyadic? Fuck every last one of them. They’re short-sighted idiots who are unable to see how amazing and talented you are and it’s their fucking loss.”

She can feel her shirt grow a bit damp where Lexa has her face buried.

“I’m not going anywhere, Lexa. Unless you want me to. We can still go back to being friends if you don’t want to date me. We can be whatever you want, okay?”

It’s quiet for what feels like hours to Clarke—but is probably just a couple of minutes—until Lexa looks up at her. Wet eyes wide with wonder.

“You’d want to date me?”

Clarke can’t stop the corner of her mouth from pulling into a smirk.

“Ask me properly?” She teases lightly.

Lexa blushes fiercely but gathers her courage after a hard swallow.

“Clarke, do you want to be my girlfriend?”

Clarke’s grin stretches into a beaming smile. Her chest expands until she feels like she’s going to explode with happiness. Nobody has ever affected her the way Lexa does.

“Yes.”

She brings their faces close together, lips brushing lightly. “Yes, I want to be your girlfriend. More than anything I’ve ever wanted.”

Clarke leans in to capture Lexa’s lips in the most sweet and tender kiss they’ve shared so far, languid and full of promises. Their kiss lasts until the strain in her neck and back becomes uncomfortable and she can no longer feel her butt.

“I think we’ve been here long enough. Let me take you home?”

Clarke stands up when Lexa gives her a small nod. She stretches her back, feeling a little stiff from sitting on the floor. Lexa accepts her outstretched hands and pulls herself up. As soon as she’s upright, Clarke envelopes Lexa in a hug. She inhales the fruity scent lingering in Lexa’s hair deeply. Savoring it for whatever they might face outside the walls of Lexa’s music studio.

They separate after Clarke whispers one more reassurance into Lexa’s neck, and takes Lexa’s hand in hers to walk them to the parking lot. It isn’t until they reach the campus exit that they run into trouble. Murphy is hanging out with his usual posse, sitting on the hood of his rusty vintage muscle car. He spots them before they can make a quick getaway, calling out loud enough to make every head in the area turn to them.

“Clarke! Didn’t you hear your _girlfriend_ is not actually a girl?” he sneers, demanding her attention and making exaggerated finger quotes around the word girlfriend. “Why don’t you come with me so you can be with a real man. I know you want to. You’ve been playing hard to get long enough now.”

She grasps Lexa’s hand more firmly, determined to keep walking. They just need to pass these idiots and get in her car so she can get Lexa home safe. Murphy, however, has other ideas. He grabs Clarke’s arm and holds her in place. His buddies closing in around them, keeping them trapped.

“Are you fucking serious? Is dating the school freak some kind of pity project?”

He places the hand he still has his hold on against his crotch. “Better get on this, Clarke. Nobody will want you anymore if you fuck that t—”

He doesn’t get to finish whatever vile words would’ve come out of his mouth next. Clarke doesn’t think before she acts. She rips her arm out of Murphy’s grasp, lifts her knee and thrusts her hips forward with all her might, slamming it between his legs. Her heart pounds in her chest, pumping the furious storm through her entire body. Her vision is red, hazy with rage and she can feel her upper lip curling up, baring her teeth.

His screams and wails are muffled by the ringing in her ears, but she doesn't care. She’s not done with him yet.

She grabs the front of his shirt and forces him to look at her. “You pathetic, miserable, sad little boy. This girl is the kindest, most talented, compassionate and beautiful person I’ve ever met, and I’m _lucky_ enough to call her my girlfriend. Leave us the fuck alone.”

She pushes him back down onto the asphalt and glares murder at his companions. They part for her with their hands in the air. Without another glance at Murphy, she pulls Lexa with her down the lot until she reaches her car and holds the door open for Lexa to get in. She stalks over to the driver’s side and slams the door shut behind her, closing her eyes and heaving out a shuddering sigh once they’re in the relative safety of her car.

When she’s calmed down enough to open them again and look at Lexa, she’s surprised by what she finds. Lexa’s mouth hangs open slightly and her eyes are wide in shock, but that’s not all. They’re also dark, and there’s a flush on her cheeks and neck. They continue their staring for a moment, each taking the other in until Lexa speaks up.

“I can’t believe you did that.”

Before Clarke can reply, Lexa surges forward, capturing her lips in a bruising kiss; wet and deep and fueled by the adrenaline still pumping through their veins.

“I’ll do anything for you,” Clarke pants against Lexa’s lips when they part for air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let us know your thoughts in the comments below and find us on tumblr [@syngularitysyn](https://syngularitysyn.tumblr.com) and [@sheis-me](https://sheis-me.tumblr.com).


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke is in for a (very nice) surprise when she takes Lexa home.

As soon as Lexa opens the door to her apartment, Anya rushes towards them and crushes Lexa in a bear hug. Clarke watches while Lexa slowly hugs her cousin back, and appreciates that she’s not the only one who is fiercely protective of Lexa. Anya nods to her over Lexa’s shoulder, then pulls back and cups Lexa’s cheeks, her brows scrunched up with worry.

“Are you okay?”

Lexa sighs. “I wasn’t earlier, I’m a little better now. Hopefully this will blow over soon, and people will move on to gossip about something else.”

“If anyone comes after you just let me know and I’ll set them straight, okay?”

“Thanks, Anya. But Clarke beat you to it.”

Anya looks at Clarke for a second and then goes in to hug her. The display of affection from Anya startles her for a second, but then she hugs back.

“Thank you, Clarke,” Anya whispers, soft enough so Lexa doesn’t hear.

When Anya releases her, Lexa grabs Clarke’s hand.

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Anya. I just need to get my mind off things right now,” she says, already walking Clarke to her bedroom.

“Alright, I understand. Dinner’s in the fridge. I’ll be over at Raven’s. Please try to eat something, and let me know if you need anything else, okay?” Anya gives her a pointed look and Lexa sighs.

“I will,” she says, opening the door to her room and ushering Clarke inside.

Clarke turns around when Lexa closes the door behind them. She wants to ask why Lexa is in such a rush, but she doesn’t get the chance because Lexa’s lips are on hers instantly, hungry and insistent. It takes her a while to respond, caught off guard as she is by Lexa suddenly jumping her, but she melts into it when the surprise wears off. Lexa’s tongue brushes her lower lip, asking for entrance and Clarke wonders what set this off as she opens her mouth and answers her girlfriend’s want with her own.

Her _girlfriend._

It’ll take her a while to get used to thinking of Lexa as her girlfriend. She had longed to be with Lexa in that capacity since the day they met. Dreamt about it most nights—and most days. But even so, she has trouble believing her dream is now her reality.

“Sorry,” Lexa says, panting slightly when they break apart for air. "I really needed that."

Clarke gives her another brief kiss and smiles. “You don’t have to apologize for kissing me like that. For kissing your _girlfriend_ like that.”

_Feels so good to say it out loud…_

“We’re girlfriends now.”

“Yeah… girlfriends,” Lexa says, looking at Clarke’s lips with hooded eyes.

“Is that what this was for? I’m not complaining. Not at all. Just curious what made you kiss me like that.”

Lexa averts her eyes, a pretty pink blush covering her cheeks. “I just—” She swallows and tries again. “The way you handled that guy… the things you said. You were so fierce. It was hot.”

“Fierce and hot, huh? Kicking Murphy was pretty satisfying, but making my girl swoon is even better. Maybe I should do it again sometime. Though I hope he has learned his lesson.”

“I hope so, too. And as hot as it was, maybe you shouldn’t. I don’t want you to get in trouble because of me.”

“I can’t promise I won’t do it again if some asshole comes after you. But I might be persuaded to forgo the violence if you give me more of those kisses.”

Lexa shakes her head, a big smile on her face. “That I can do.”

They lean in at the same time, meeting halfway. Clarke lets herself be swept up by the kiss, melting into Lexa’s body and lips. She takes a step forward, crowding Lexa until her back hits the door. A soft groan slips from Lexa’s throat when Clarke bites on a plump lower lip. She drags her hands from Lexa’s shoulders to her waist, sliding over the firmness of Lexa’s breasts along the way. She toys with the hem of Lexa’s shirt, eager to feel the warm skin, feel Lexa without barriers. But before she can slide underneath to touch supple skin, Lexa presses forward and starts walking her toward the bed.

She sits down when her legs bump against the side of the mattress, scooting backwards to make room for Lexa, who joins her and straddles her thighs. Clarke pulls back when Lexa leans in for another kiss.

“Lex, wait. Maybe we should talk first?”

Lexa’s hungry gaze remains fixed on her lips, and she has to put her hand on Lexa’s chest to stop her from leaning in again.

“Do we have to? I’d rather do more kissing. It helps clear my mind.” She flashes Clarke one of her favorite smiles, the shy one where she looks up through her lashes, coy and flirty. A smile Lexa reserves just for her. “A lot.”

Clarke can’t say no to that. Can’t resist. She gives in to the temptation of those full lips and kisses them. Her back lowers onto the duvet, and she groans when some of Lexa’s weight settles on top of her. She brings her hands to a trim waist, finally letting her fingers slip under Lexa’s shirt to feel the soft skin she’s been craving. The muscles of Lexa’s back move underneath her palms when she pulls her down. A pleased sound escapes from both of them at the full body contact.

After more heated kisses and a little grinding with Lexa pressing into her thigh, Clarke pulls back again.

“I really think we should talk before we take this any further.”

“I’d rather not talk about it any more today. It’s out, and there’s nothing I can do about it,” Lexa sighs.

“I know, babe. I wanted to talk about some other stuff. Come lay down with me?” She scoots up the bed until she reaches a pillow and pats the space next to her. Lexa slides into her open arms as she gets comfortable on the bed. “We can do more kissing after, I promise,” she says, pecking the slight pout of Lexa’s lips.

“What do you want to talk about?” Lexa asks tentatively.

“I want you to know that I loved what we did Friday night after your game,” Clarke says after she takes a deep breath. “And if you did too, I’d like to do it again. But before we do more, I want to make sure I don’t say or do anything in the heat of the moment that could make you uncomfortable.”

“I would, I loved it too, Clarke. I admit I was a little scared initially, but you made me feel safe.”

The way Lexa looks at her makes Clarke’s heart swell beneath her ribs. “You make me feel safe, too.”

“I don’t really know what I’m okay with,” Lexa confesses honestly. “Maybe we could explore together… just take it slow and see how it goes?”

Clarke smiles at her shy girlfriend and leans in to kiss her soundly. “Deal. We’ll take it slow… whenever you’re ready. Take your time.”

Lexa returns the kiss and brings her hand up to Clarke’s waist, fingers slipping beneath the fabric of her shirt to stroke the heated flesh. She lightly runs her nails over it, then traces back to brush over the goosebumps that popped up in their wake. Clarke shivers under the teasing touches and nips at Lexa’s bottom lip before sucking it into her mouth. She inhales sharply when Lexa rolls on top of her and deepens the kiss.

Clarke’s hands fly up to Lexa’s ass when their kisses grow wet and dirty, pulling Lexa against her more firmly. They grind into each other as their mouths slant together over and over until Clarke is gasping for air. She pulls back to take in a few lung fulls and somewhat clear the haze of lust from her brain.

“What happened to taking it slow?” She says, taking in Lexa’s dark eyes and glistening lips.

“We said we’d take it slow until I’m ready, right?”

Clarke nods, still breathless. Lexa looks at her with an excited twinkle in her eyes. The corner of her mouth curled into a little smirk.

“I’m ready.”

Lexa sounds sure of herself. Her voice doesn’t waiver and her lower lip doesn’t tremble. And it’s that more than anything that has Clarke gaping in surprise. She tried to hold back and take it slow, reined in her desire so Lexa could set the pace and they didn’t rush into anything. But now she has Lexa’s consent to explore and enjoy each other further.

She’s still worried she might say or do something wrong, but Lexa’s determination and the fact that their first time had been perfect reassures her. Lexa told her she’s ready with such confidence, Clarke won’t ask if she’s sure. She knows she doesn’t have to, and that she can trust Lexa’s decision. The fire that had been simmering low in her hips blooms as she allows herself to think about what this means.

She snaps out of her reverie when Lexa looks at her, brows furrowed in question. “Are you okay? If you’re not ready we can—”

“No. I—I’m good, I promise. You just took me by surprise. But it’s a very nice surprise.”

“Yeah?” Lexa asks, wearing one of her panty-dropping smirks that sends the swarm of butterflies in Clarke’s belly into a frenzy.

“Yeah.”

“Good.”

Lexa’s new-found confidence has a fresh wave of arousal pooling between Clarke’s legs. She arches off the bed when Lexa’s hand glides up to her chest and underneath her bra, squeezing the soft swell of her breast as Lexa’s mouth latches onto her neck. She suckles and nips the sensitive spot under Clarke’s ear, her hot breath fueling the fire in between Clarke’s legs as Lexa licks along the shell and then kisses the hinge of her jaw.

It’s too much. She needs to keep a clear head if they want to take it slow, or at least slow enough for Clarke to stop feeling like she’ll melt into a puddle before they’ve even taken their clothes off. Before she has the chance to carefully explore Lexa the way she wants to, the way she’s been dreaming of.

She flips Lexa over, taking the upper hand.

“I want to feel you,” she says, letting her hand roam across Lexa’s chest, pulling the collar of her shirt down to let her eyes dip into the bit of cleavage that’s revealed.

Lexa doesn’t seem bothered by the reversal. In fact, instead of replying she eagerly pulls her t-shirt up and over her head. It’s another positive sign that eases Clarke’s mind. They’re both ready for the next step in their physical relationship. Lexa looks Clarke in the eye as she slowly reaches behind her back and flicks open the clasp of her bra. The garment joins the shirt on the floor, and Clarke feels her tongue grow thick inside her mouth. She loves Lexa’s upper body. She memorized it the day Lexa posed for her semi-nude painting. But it’s different now. This time seeing Lexa bare makes her hands itch and a swirl of something warm slithers beneath her ribs, wrapping tightly around her heart.

“Clarke?”

“Yeah?” She finds Lexa’s face again, where a small smile plays on Lexa’s lips. No doubt due to Clarke’s gaping. “Sorry, I just—you’re so beautiful, I needed a moment.”

Her gaze drops back down and Lexa chuckles, which does wonderful things to the soft flesh and hard abs Clarke is admiring. Watching the little bounce of Lexa’s breasts acutely reminds her that she can do more than look now that they’re officially together. And when she sees her half-naked girlfriend look at her expectantly, she swallows to moisten her dry throat. But before she gives in, she wants to know how Lexa feels about her breasts.

“Can I ask you something?”

Lexa nods curiously.

“Does your chest ever make you feel dysphoric?”

“No, they’re nowhere near as great as yours, but I like my boobs and their size. Especially when you touch them…”

Clarke shakes her head. “I could debate that first part, or I can show you how much I like yours by doing more of that last thing…”

“Please,” Lexa whispers.

That’s all the invitation Clarke needs. She leans back in and kisses those soft lips, works her mouth down to Lexa’s neck while her hand rubs up and down fluttering abdominal muscles. The rapid beat of Lexa’s pulse under her lips urges her to move down to her next destination. When she reaches it, she doesn’t have the patience to tease. She latches on to Lexa’s nipple, sucking the rosy flesh into a hard point while her fingers gently tug on its twin. Lexa whimpers, watches her with an open mouth, breathing hard.

“So pretty, so perfect,” Clarke murmurs as she kisses her way to the other side.

Lexa’s hands claw at Clarke’s shirt, trying to tug it up and over her head, but Clarke is not ready to detach herself yet. She sucks Lexa’s nipple into her mouth and flicks it with the tip of her tongue, causing Lexa to gasp and softly grind her hips against Clarke. Once she’s worked both of Lexa’s nipples into shiny, stiff points, she releases it with a slick pop and looks down to where Lexa’s pressing into her hip, registering how much tighter Lexa’s skinny jeans have become since they laid down.

“That doesn’t look very comfortable. We can take a break if you want? Maybe you can change into some soccer shorts.”

“I—it’s okay. I mean, it’s a little uncomfortable,” Lexa stammers a bit, but she fights through her insecurity. “I was hoping we could keep going… if that’s okay?” She asks, her cheeks flushing prettily.

“Yeah, me too. Just remember we can stop at any time if you change your mind.”

“I know.” Lexa bites her lip, dark eyes drinking Clarke up as she links their hands and guides them to the button of her jeans. “But I won’t. You made me feel so good. I want to do it again, and maybe more...”

Clarke swallows thickly at Lexa’s words. She hooks her fingers under the waistband of Lexa’s jeans, and works the button through the hole with her thumb. Her eyes find Lexa’s and they hold each other’s gaze when Clarke takes hold of the zipper and Lexa nods. The low growl of metal fills the room and it rings in Clarke’s ears. Lexa lifts her hips for Clarke to take off her jeans and sighs with relief once they’re discarded on the floor.

Taking in Lexa’s nearly naked form, heat surges through Clarke’s core. She pulls off her own shirt and jeans as well, eager to feel Lexa’s skin on her own again, and settles back down between Lexa’s legs to scatter kisses and licks up from her abs to her mouth, taking a lengthy detour over her breasts. When their tongues glide hotly against each other, Lexa’s nimble fingers unclasp Clarke’s bra and work the straps down her shoulders. They break apart to toss the garment into an unseen corner of the room, and Clarke groans into Lexa’s mouth when their nipples graze.

She shudders at the feeling of Lexa’s lean body underneath hers, skin on skin, breasts pressing together. She wants to feel more. Needs to get closer. Lexa’s hands glide down her back to grip her ass, reeling her in like she has the same need to eliminate even the smallest distance between them. Their lower bodies grind against each other in a flowing motion that gradually grows more urgent.

She feels that Lexa has grown considerably, too, where she’s pressing firmly against Clarke’s belly. Lexa moans softly, and it spurs Clarke on, determined to discover every beautiful sound Lexa makes in pleasure. They rock into each other while exchanging messy kisses, and when Lexa shifts and grinds against her clit, Clarke’s inner walls clench around nothing as she chokes back a whine.

She pants against Lexa’s neck, closing her eyes for a moment while she tries to regain control of herself. Lexa’s pulse thrums beneath her lips, and tastes salty on her tongue when she licks the frantically fluttering spot.

“What do you want me to do, Lex?” she asks, tracing the shell of Lexa’s tiny ear with her tongue.

Lexa takes a while to reply, swallowing several times. But eventually, she finds her words. “Will you touch me… please?”

Clarke hums her desire into Lexa’s collarbone, nipping and biting as she brings her hand to Lexa’s knee. She massages the hard muscles of Lexa’s thigh, careful to avoid the lingering bruise on the inside near the top until she’s cupping between Lexa’s legs. She rubs the silky fabric of Lexa’s compression shorts, but not for long. They’re tight and constricting, and they look painfully uncomfortable. Lexa lifts her hips when Clarke hooks her fingers beneath the waistband of Lexa’s shorts and pulls them down those long legs. Lexa squirms under her gaze and Clarke doesn’t have it in her to delay the inevitable any longer. She kneels between Lexa’s legs and drags her hands up those powerful thighs on her way to the place where Lexa needs her most.

Lexa whimpers when Clarke wraps her fingers around her. She’s warm and swollen, and Clarke licks her lips as she rubs her thumb over the already slippery tip. When she slowly starts stroking to spread the wetness over the rest of the shaft, Lexa _throbs_ in her fist.

She leans in and kisses Lexa feverishly while keeping her hand movements light and gentle, squeezing occasionally. Lexa pants into her mouth like she’s already close to release.

Clarke pulls back to admire her girlfriend’s beauty. Pouty lips hanging open in pleasure, eyes dark with lids at half mast as she looks up at Clarke.

Clarke still can’t believe her luck that she’s the one Lexa chose to be with, to open up to, to trust. Her heart swells and she tries to capture this moment. To commit it to her memory so she’ll never forget this sight, this sensation, this feeling.

The love she feels for the girl who is writhing underneath her scared her initially, but no longer. She knows she’ll never stop loving Lexa. No matter what happens, she’ll always treasure their special bond. It’s a comforting thought, however fleeting.

Her own desire takes hold of her once more as she watches Lexa’s flushed neck and chest, feels her twitch and pulse. And as good as it feels to have Lexa in her hand again, Clarke wants more.

She moves her mouth down to Lexa’s chest, taking a hard nipple between her lips before flicking it with her tongue. Deciding to try her luck, she descends further, scattering kisses down Lexa’s sides, across her coiling abdomen, until she’s near her destination. Lexa is staring at her with glassy eyes when Clarke looks up at her.

“Is this okay?”

Lexa wets her lips, sucks the bottom one into her mouth. “Yes,” she breathes.

Even though she detects no trace of discomfort or doubt on Lexa, Clarke reaches out to bring Lexa’s right hand to the back of her head. Lexa’s slender fingers tangle in her hair as Clarke continues where she left off, kissing her way over to Lexa’s hip where she sucks and bites until a possessive mark blooms under her lips.

She moves her mouth down to Lexa’s inner thigh, but their eyes never leave each other. The desire to taste Lexa is so strong it makes her mouth water. She holds back, but just barely. Determined to let Lexa decide if and when, but she does offer a little encouragement.

“Remember Lex, you’re in control,” she murmurs. “I just want to make you feel good.”

Lexa’s gaze is molten, her fingers tighten in Clarke’s hair, gently directing her to where she’s needed.

Clarke doesn’t want to rush it though. She takes her time kissing her way up and around where Lexa wants her, but she’s too eager herself to tease Lexa for long. Salivates at the thought of what comes next. Mind spinning now that she’s here and that this is really happening.

“You’re so gorgeous. I feel like I have to pinch myself to make sure I’m not dreaming,” Clarke says between kisses. “You have no idea what you do to me. How much I want you. How much you turn me on.”

Lexa’s hips buck and she groans, lip snared between her teeth.

“Clarke, please.”

Lexa whispers, her nails lightly scratch Clarke’s scalp as Clarke kisses toward the apex of her thighs, until her mouth _finally_ reaches its goal.

 

*******

 

The first brush of Clarke’s lips on her base sends a shiver up Lexa’s spine. A flash of heat surges through her core when Clarke’s warm breath fans over her. She’s so sensitive that even the lightest of touches make her feel like she might go into sensory overload.

“Okay?” Clarke asks between kisses and all Lexa can do is whine in agreement.

The subsequent kisses Clarke places higher and higher on her shaft make her shake, until her whole body is quivering. Before she reaches the tip, Clarke travels back down, and Lexa can’t stop her hips from churning in frustration.

Clarke licks and sucks past where she’s soft and full, until she reaches Lexa’s shallow opening.

“What about here?” Clarke asks.

Lexa doesn’t touch that part often when she’s alone, but with Clarke, she wants to. With Clarke she wants to experience everything.

“Yes,” she breathes.

Clarke leans in and places a wet kiss on her entrance, and Lexa’s jaw drops when Clarke’s tongue dips inside. Even though she’s never been able to climax by stimulating that area and she can't take anything more than a single finger, it feels incredible to have Clarke lavishes it with attention. Her unmet need makes her fingers fist Clarke’s hair harder. And when Clarke pulls back with shiny lips, Lexa can’t hold back any longer and pulls Clarke’s hair to bring her back up.

Thankfully, Clarke takes pity on her. She works her way back up, mouthing over previously explored areas until she reaches the spot where she left off before she went on her little detour. Lexa can feel her heartbeat pounding in her throat and between her legs. She’s never been this worked up in her life. It must show on her face because when Clarke looks up, her expression is soft and reassuring. Lexa gulps nonetheless when Clarke pins her with a heated gaze and lowers her head.

Lexa twitches under Clarke’s tongue the moment it makes contact with the sensitive underside of her tip. Her eyes roll into the back of her skull as Clarke continues kissing and licking until she brings up her hand to take hold of Lexa’s base and draws her in, wrapping her lips around the head.

“Oh fuck!”

Clarke’s mouth is hot, wet, and soft as silk around her. It’s a mindblowing trinity of sensations that has Lexa gasping for air. Her toes curl and her nails dig into Clarke’s scalp. It feels so good; it’s indescribable. It’s better than she could have ever imagined. Better than she had thought possible.

Clarke pulls back, her warm breath fanning across Lexa’s shiny tip.

“Is this okay? Does it feel good?”

She’s grateful that Clarke keeps checking in with her, but she’s so painfully aroused that the loss of Clarke's mouth almost makes her sob.

“Yes, so good. Please, more?”

Her cheeks flush with embarrassment at her own lack of vocabulary, but Clarke merely smirks at her knowingly, taking it as the compliment it is before engulfing Lexa once again.

Relief rushes through her body the moment she’s back in Clarke’s mouth. Lexa is more than okay with every single thing Clarke does to her. By the time Clarke starts sinking down further and sucking earnestly, Lexa’s panting up at the ceiling. Her hands fly up to grab the back of Clarke’s head in a desperate attempt to ground herself, but it’s to no avail. She doesn’t tug or pull, but they both moan at the action, and Clarke increases her pace.

Although Clarke told her she’s in control, Lexa feels like she’s freefalling. She doesn’t feel in control of anything right now. Doesn’t want to be in control. She wants to surrender herself completely to Clarke and the wicked things she’s doing to her.

The more sounds she makes, the more she shows Clarke she’s into it, the more Clarke seems to enjoy it. Working her up with more enthusiasm and confidence, not as afraid to do the wrong thing, and no longer holding back. Clarke takes her time, explores her thoroughly, tries many different tricks, and all of it makes Lexa moan, gasp and whimper.

Her vision blots out when Clarke hums around her. She fists Clarke’s hair tightly, like it’s her only tether to this plane of existence. She never thought anyone would ever do this to her, let alone be so into it as Clarke seems to be. She sounds like she’s getting off on it, making pleased noises every time Lexa churns her hips in pleasure.

Clarke takes her deeper and deeper, and Lexa knows she must be leaking with how close she is to coming. But Clarke shows no signs of stopping or slowing down. No sign that she’s going to pull back and finish her any other way.

When Lexa’s biting her lower lip hard in a struggle to stave off her orgasm, Clarke releases her with a slick pop and goes back to licking the length of her, slowly descending to where she’s full and tight, sucking softly. She brings one of her hands up to circle Lexa’s narrow entrance, and when she dips inside, Lexa clenches in surprise.

“Oh fuck, Clarke…”

Before she knows what’s happening, Clarke’s mouth is back on her, sliding down all the way and tearing a loud moan from Lexa’s throat. She lets her head fall back and closes her eyes, the smooth, wet heat of Clarke’s mouth in tandem with the slow thrust of her finger almost leaves Lexa overstimulated. It’s entirely too much and entirely too wonderful, and it builds her up until she’s right on the precipice. Her imminent release pounding through her body.

She tugs at Clarke’s hair, but Clarke doesn’t let up, doesn’t falter, doesn’t slow down.

“Clarke, I’m so close, I’m gonna—I’m…”

Clarke moans around her and speeds up in response, and the vibrations running through her are Lexa’s breaking point.

Her eyes roll back into her head as the fullness within her bursts free. She arches off the bed and cries out, every muscle in her body taut and fizzling as her orgasm rushes through it. Each ripple that runs through her shaft and into Clarke's hot mouth makes her feel lighter. Not just physically, but also mentally. Like the weight she’s carried for so long slips from her shoulders, and the shame she felt for many years is expelled from her body. Making her feel like a free-floating helium balloon on its way to the stars.

Once she reaches the tail end of her orgasm, Clarke slows down. Her finger slips out from between Lexa’s legs and she rubs Lexa's thighs soothingly until she’s come down from her high, utterly spent. A thought occurs to her then, taking her by surprise.

For the first time, she feels like she's going to be okay. Her shame is not entirely gone, and she knows she has a long road ahead. But the feeling is there, and for the first time in her life, she believes it.

She never quite believed she would find a girl like Clarke. It seemed too good to be true. Something that only happens to other people. Not her. But today she became someone's girlfriend, and her girlfriend wants to be with her for who she is, loves her the way she is, and stands up for her to people who do not understand or accept her.

She knows Clarke will always stand up for her, just like her family will always stand by her, just like her friends and teammates have her back. And that's the most important thing. She can take on anything and face the rest of the world with them by her side.

She’s surprised once more when Clarke gently touches her jaw and nudges her head to the side, where she finds Clarke’s beautiful face looking at her with so much love radiating from her eyes.

“Where did you go just now? Was it too much?” Clarke asks, brow slightly furrowed with concern.

No,” Lexa tries to say, but all that comes out is a weak croak. She swallows and tries again. “No, it wasn’t. You were amazing. It was perfect.” She sighs and wets her lips, circling her arm around Clarke to hold her and bring them closer together. “I was just thinking that I hadn’t thought about being outed at all since we laid down. And even thinking of it now it doesn’t feel the way it made me feel earlier. I know I can get through it now, with you by my side.”

Clarke kisses her cheek and shuffles closer as Lexa continues. “And Anya, my family, my team. I’ve been afraid for a very long time. It’s freeing to no longer feel like I’m hiding. I guess in a way I’m happy about it, even though I wish the circumstances were different, and I know some people will be confused and maybe afraid of me.”

“People are afraid of things they don’t understand. We’ll inform them. You’re not alone, Lex. Maybe some other students will follow your example. I see how people look at you on and off the field. They look up to you.”

“Maybe we could start an LGBTQI group on campus?”

“Yeah, it’s about time Arkadia gets one. Why not us?”

“Yeah, why not.”

Clarke leans in to kiss her cheek, her finger tracing across Lexa’s belly, painting invisible patterns on her skin. Lexa couldn’t stop the ear-to-ear smile from spreading across her face even if she wanted to.

She looks at her girlfriend, brings her hand up to brush away a stray lock of hair from Clarke’s face.

“You make my heart do things it’s never done before,” she starts, swallowing thickly before she can continue. “You make me feel so good. I hope I can be to you what you are to me.”

“You are. You already mean so much to me.”

Clarke curls into her, wraps her arm around Lexa’s waist and holds her tight. She presses her lips to Lexa’s forehead and lets them linger there.

“Thank you for today. For being you. And coming to find me, taking care of me…” She flushes at the innuendo but decides to go with it. “In more ways than one.”

Clarke chuckles against Lexa’s temple.

“Thank you for trusting me and opening up to me.”

Lexa turns on her side to face Clarke, letting her hand move up Clarke’s thigh and over her curves.

“I’d like to make you feel good as well… if you want.”

“I definitely won’t say no to that.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find us on tumblr [@syngularitysyn](https://syngularitysyn.tumblr.com) and [@sheis-me](https://sheis-me.tumblr.com).


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa stay in their own little bubble for a while longer before Lexa goes back out to face the world. She thinks she's ready to handle whatever may come her way, until the rug is swept from under her.

_Lexa turns on her side to face Clarke, letting her hand move up Clarke’s thigh and over her curves._

_“I’d like to make you feel good as well… if you want.”_

_“I definitely won’t say no to that.”_

 

*******

 

Clarke wraps her arms around Lexa’s neck as she moves to roll on top of her, nudging Clarke’s thighs apart so she can settle in between them. The blissed-out look that graced Lexa’s features after Clarke made her come has been replaced by an expression that’s a little nervous but mostly determined and hungry.

_She’s so adorable. Hot as hell, but adorable, too._

Lexa holds herself up on her arms, hovering over Clarke as they take each other in until the magnetic pull between them becomes too strong. Clarke sighs into the kiss, tender and soft at first, then more fervent. She wonders what Lexa must think, tasting herself when she opens her mouth and lets their tongues glide together, but Lexa’s surprised moan tells her she likes it, and Clarke gets impossibly more turned on.

So she kisses her harder and deeper, runs her hands through Lexa’s beautiful locks and pulls her closer, reveling at the comforting weight of her girlfriend on top of her. She roves her hands down Lexa’s back, taking the time to appreciate every defined muscle that shifts under her touch on the way down to her perfectly sculpted ass. Lexa lets out a small whimper when Clarke squeezes and pulls her closer, bringing them flush together. The evidence of Lexa’s renewed arousal pressing into her inner thigh makes her equal parts smug and turned on, knowing she’s the reason.

When she snakes her hand between their bodies and starts stroking again, Lexa pulls away and shakes her head no.

“It’s my turn.”

Clarke knows she’s pouting, but Lexa’s low raspy voice instantly reminds her of her own need. Ever since she got Lexa off, she’s been so turned on she feels like she might spontaneously combust at any moment. Lexa kisses her once more before making her way down the expanse of Clarke’s skin, ghosting her mouth along the stiff peaks of her breasts. Clarke arches her back, hoping for firmer contact, but Lexa seems intent on teasing, moving those plump lips around her breast, barely brushing the skin and stopping just shy of her aching nipple.

“Lex, please…”

She’s breathless before Lexa has even properly touched her, and too flustered to be able to voice what she wants. Lexa alternates between her breasts, a hand on one and her mouth on the other, continuing to tease Clarke until she finally shows her mercy by sealing her lips around a nipple. Clarke grasps the back of Lexa’s neck as she lets out a moan of relief as Lexa laves her nipples with attention, sucking one into her mouth while her fingers gently pinch the other, and Clarke feels it _everywhere._

“Fuck, that feels so good,” she pants.

While Lexa’s mouth continues to make her squirm, her fingers run along Clarke’s stomach down to her hips. She shivers under Lexa’s touch. It’s divine. Lexa’s reverent touch makes her feel beautiful. The way her body reacts to everything Lexa does is unlike anything she’s ever experienced before. A small nip at just under her breast, a graze of Lexa’s hand on her inner thigh, the vibrations of her little moans whenever her lips come into contact with Clarke’s skin. Clarke feels all of it with her entire being. She grabs Lexa’s hand and brings it up to her mouth, kissing the tips of her knuckles, then intertwining their hands tightly as Lexa descends down her stomach.

Clarke watches the hungry look on Lexa’s face as she settles between Clarke’s thighs. Lexa doesn’t seem to be in a hurry as she takes her in, but Clarke’s patience has run out.

“Please…” Is all she manages to say.

She’s so worked up that she nearly lifts her hips off the bed to bring her pussy to Lexa’s swollen lips instead of waiting for Lexa to take mercy on her. Thankfully, Lexa seems to read that she’s reached her limit. With one last smoldering look, Lexa lowers her head and swipes her tongue in a broad stroke from Clarke’s entrance to her clit. She circles the over sensitive nub, lightly flicks it a few times before she engulfs it with her mouth, and Clarke is lost.

Lexa applies the slightest bit of suction, gently swipes her tongue across her clit, and before she knows what’s happening Clarke is coming.

Her body draws taut, toes curled into the mattress and her back arches so far it almost hurts as she shivers violently through the shocks of pleasure.

When she loses the sensation of Lexa’s warm tongue, she brings her free hand to Lexa’s head to push her back down.

“Don’t stop, don’t stop, please Lexa…”

Her eyes roll back into her head as Lexa’s eager tongue returns to soothe the pulsing ache of her clit until it trails off into aftershocks.

 

*******

 

Clarke doesn’t make it easy for Lexa to follow her directions. Even with her arm curled around Clarke’s thigh, she has trouble keeping her pinned down. She lets go of Clarke’s hand to wrap it around her other leg, determined to extend Clarke’s pleasure as long as possible.

When Clarke slumps back onto the bed and the fingers digging into Lexa’s scalp unclench, she slowly moves her mouth away from Clarke and swallows.

“Clarke?”

Clarke lifts her head a fraction to look at her, Her face flushed, breath rapid and a dopey smile on her face.

“Holy fuck, Lex. Your mouth, so good.” She looks away shyly before adding, “Sorry I didn’t last longer. Making you come earlier got me so worked up I nearly came just from watching you.”

Lexa looks down to where she’s hard against the mattress and grins at Clarke.

“I can relate. I’m not done yet, though.”

Without waiting for Clarke’s answer, she brings her head back between Clarke’s legs to collect her reward with her tongue. Clarke yelps when Lexa moans into her entrance, her hand grasping the hair in the nape of Lexa’s neck.

“Oh my god, Lex…”

Lexa hums again in reply, sliding the tip of her tongue into Clarke’s pulsing heat. She’s high on the feeling of making Clarke come so hard, so fast. Pride swirls in her chest and she knows she’ll chase this feeling as often as she can. It’s addictive. She just hopes Clarke won’t mind. From the way Clarke’s hips rock into her face to increase the reach of her tongue, Lexa thinks they’re on the same page right now.

She reads Clarke’s body carefully, taking note of every reaction to her touch,  every movement of her tongue. When her jaw locks up and she replaces her tongue with two fingers, she studies Clarke’s features and listens to her moans to find the right spot, the perfect angle and the precise pressure that makes Clarke’s moans rise in volume.

“So good, baby.”

Clarke’s frequent praises and encouragements have become more slurred since Lexa started thrusting in and out more firmly. Watching Clarke’s breasts bounce with each stroke of her fingers, Lexa can’t believe this goddess is hers to tease, please and worship.

“Wanna make you come again.”

She sucks a possessive mark into the milky white skin of Clarke’s upper thigh before latching onto Clarke’s clit again, determined to bring her as much pleasure as she possibly can. The urge to please her girlfriend is potent, tangible. The sounds coming from Clarke, the wet warmth clinging to her fingers, the swollen bud against her tongue, the slight squeeze of Clarke’s thighs around Lexa’s head. It all adds up to this one perfect, beautiful moment where Lexa can give herself over completely to Clarke, give her the pleasure she’s been longing to give her ever since they met. And to do so now that they are officially together feels like a dream. A dream she knows is real.

It isn’t long before Lexa realizes she’s been subtly grinding against the mattress in an effort to find some relief. She’s been painfully full since Clarke’s first orgasm. This is what Clarke does to her and has been doing since the night they met in the club. Her sheets are soft though she longs to feel the slick heat of Clarke’s mouth again. But the need between her legs pales in comparison to the need she feels to please Clarke. And the _sounds_ Clarke makes are more pleasing than the friction she finds under her hips.

“Feels so fucking good, Lex. Oh my god, right there. Fuck, yes.”

The sheet beneath her grows damp with precome as Clarke’s words of praise make her whole body fizzle. Clarke’s voice is husky and breathless. Her hands grip the back of Lexa’s head and she raises her hips up to meet Lexa’s tongue with every flick, takes Lexa’s fingers deeper with every thrust until Clarke clamps down so hard that she can barely move.

“Oh fuck, I’m gonna come. I’m gonna… fuck!”

Clarke screams and pulls Lexa’s hair hard when she comes the second time. A slew of expletives flowing from her lips and a gush of wetness spilling into Lexa’s hand. Lexa ruts her hips into the bed faster and faster as she tries to catch Clarke’s release with her tongue but fails. She pulls her fingers out to move her mouth down to the source, replacing her tongue with a thumb. The switch sends Clarke into a third orgasm, or an extension of the second, and Lexa is rewarded with a fresh wave of arousal. She shudders and moans at the taste and her own orgasm as it creeps up on her, and she feels a hot splash against her stomach.

Any other day, she would be embarrassed about having to change her sheets, but right now her pride eclipses every other feeling.

Clarke pulls her up when she becomes too sensitive to Lexa’s touch.

“Come here, beautiful.”

Lexa smiles shyly and lays down next to Clarke, her head resting on Clarke’s chest.

“I think it’s safe to say that you’ve rocked my world. My God, you’re incredible. Is there anything you _can’t_ do?”

Lexa cuddles further into Clarke, a smirk tugging at her lips.

“I can’t help myself when I’m around you. I could spend the rest of my life doing what we just did.”

Clarke laughs at that, running her hand through Lexa’s hair.

“I wouldn’t mind that at all.”

 

*******

 

Two days (and several more orgasms) later, Lexa is due back on the pitch for soccer practice. She expected she’d be nervous and downright terrified to return after having been outed to the entire school the way she was. But now she knows she’s not alone. Her team came together to protect her during the last game. They will continue to stick by her. And coupled with her girlfriend’s sweet and protective nature,  the way Clarke takes care of her and supports her, Lexa feels tentatively confident—or at least strong enough to face the rest of the world again.

As usual, she’s the first one in the locker room, and the first one changed into her practice kit. Her teammates start trickling in as Lexa is lacing up her cleats. She feels a presence lingering in front of her and looks up to find Luna looking a bit apprehensive.

“You okay?”

Lexa nods.

“I am. Thank you.”

“How are the injuries?”

“Much better. The bruise on my thigh is already starting to fade.” She points to the bump on her head, which is no longer covered by a bandage. “Sadly, this is still a bit of an eyesore.”

“Well, you look like a badass with it. I’m sure Clarke thinks it’s hot.”

Lexa smiles to herself.

“She probably does now. But at first, she was paranoid I had a concussion and didn’t want me to fall asleep.”

“Yeah, she has that protective vibe about her, doesn’t she?”

Lexa tightens the laces on her other cleat and stands up.

“Yeah,” she smiles. “And I’m lucky she’s not the only one standing up for me. I never got to thank you for what you and the team did at the Azgeda game. It meant a lot to me. You girls mean a lot to me.”

“You’re our captain, a good friend, and a really good person. Someone comes for you, they come for us all, and we won’t stand for it. We have your back. Always.”

Lexa swallows thickly and nods to her friend, afraid her voice will break if she speaks. Luna gives her a gentle smile and pulls her into a quick hug.

“Go on, coach is waiting for you on the pitch.”

“Alright, see you out there. Don’t be late.”

“Yes, Commander.”

She pats Luna on the shoulder before grabbing her water bottle and heading out. Lexa exits the locker room and steps onto the pitch, meeting Coach Kane at the sideline.

“Woods, glad to see you’re doing better,” Kane smiles at her.

“Almost fully healed. I’m ready to get back to it and put the Azgeda game behind us.”

Lexa’s teammates trickle out of the locker room and start gathering on the field, stretching and jumping to get ready for practice. Lexa instructs them to warm up while she goes over some strategies with Kane.

Once their conferring is over, Kane gathers the team for his usual pre-practice announcements.

“As always, you all made me very proud at the Azgeda game. Not because we won, but because you came together as a team, a united front. You saw a great injustice being done to one of our own and you refused to let it happen.”

A few of her teammates glance over at Lexa and nod to her as a sign of solidarity. She nods back.

“Lexa, I know this isn’t easy, and I know you didn’t plan on having to do this, but if you’d like to take this opportunity to say something and address the team before practice starts, now’s the time.”

Lexa takes a deep breath and walks over to stand next to Kane. He was right. She wasn’t planning on ever having to address this situation, but now that everyone knows, it’s better to get it out in the open so they can go back to being an unstoppable team and forget about her personal life.

Just as Lexa is about to speak, she’s interrupted by a shrill, familiar voice.

“ _I_ would like to say something if you don’t mind, Coach Kane.”

Lexa turns to see Nia, coach of the Azgeda team, with Ontari by her side as they storm the field.

Kane puts up his hand.

“We’re not interested in what you have to say, Nia. Now get off my pitch. You’re interrupting our practice.”

Nia looks around and scoffs.

“Really? It looks like everyone’s just standing around. Not unlike how your team plays in their games.”

Lexa and Luna share a look of disgust at Nia’s jab.

“You need to leave,” demands Kane.

“Oh sure, we’ll leave. Just as soon as you agree to a re-match with Azgeda.”

“We beat you fair and square, and we don’t intend on seeing you again until the playoffs.”

“Fair and square? I don’t think so. Nothing was fair about that game with that freak playing,” Ontari points at Lexa.

The hairs on Lexa’s neck prickle from the eyes she knows are fixed on her, and a wave of anxiety rolls through her, leaving behind a layer of cold sweat on her skin. She already suspected Ontari or someone else from Azgeda was behind outing her so publicly, but she didn’t try to think about it knowing there wasn’t anything she could do about it since the damage had been done. But seems she thought wrong that being outed was the end of it.

_If they’re here it means outing me was just the beginning..._

“We’ve already taken our complaint to the dean of your athletics department,” Nia spits. “We made it very clear that we want Woods off the team. Only women should be allowed to play women’s soccer. Simple as that. It’s a safety issue, and people deserve to know about this kind of thing. And if you don’t ban Woods, then we’ll be forced to take the issue to the NCAA. I wonder how they’ll react when they find out one of the biggest ‘superstars’ of collegiate women’s soccer isn’t actually a woman at all **.”**

Lost in her own panic, Lexa only vaguely registers a flash of dark hair and a gust of wind on her clammy skin as someone zips past her towards the Azgeda intruders. Then she sees a few more people running in the same direction. Once her focus returns, she realizes what she’s seeing is two of her teammates trying to pull Luna back to keep her from getting to Nia. Luckily, they got to Luna in time. Otherwise, she could very well get expelled for attacking a coach.

The commotion gets louder when Kane jumps in to try to diffuse the situation. Lexa vaguely hears him ordering Nia and Ontari to get off the field.

“If you think I’m letting Lexa get banned from the team, you are sorely mistaken. She’s not going anywhere.” Kane barks in Nia’s face, refusing to back down.

A sly smile slowly spreads on Nia’s hard features.

“Well, unfortunately, that’s not up to you. You’ll have to wait and see what the officials have to say about it.”

Lexa wants to do something. She wants to help. She wants to pull Luna back and tell her it’s not worth it. She wants to beat up Nia herself. But all she can do is stand there, consumed by the thought that she might actually be kicked off the team because of her condition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come yell at us in the comments or on tumblr [@sheis-me](https://sheis-me.tumblr.com) and [@syngularitysyn](https://syngularitysyn.tumblr.com).


End file.
